NotADayGoesBy Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Perhaps a little bit of judgement is in order. It might save a lot of people from being hurt. You're right. I'm just not the one to give it to him. Also to clarify: when I say I was in the same situation, I don't mean to imply it 'just happened.' I know I made a specific choice. For anyone else reading this who is waffling, I guess the point here is cut things off BEFORE you get to the point where your emotions and /or hormones are so out of control that you make the wrong choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 It’s also not a “mistake” when there is a 10 page long discussion on love shack during which OP has analyzed the pros and cons of having sex with a woman who is not his wife and does/does not get caught... that is not a “mistake,” that is a very calculated and well thought out decision. Agreed. He hasn't been very "conflicted" from the first post... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tristian Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 This is one thread about one persons situation. If you have insight or advice for the OP this is the place for that. If you want to discuss statistics, the morality of infidelity in general, or any other general topic then please do it elsewhere we have countless general interest threads on these topics. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Well, all of you who predicted the beginning and the end were all correct. As much as I tried to create appropriate boundaries, ultimately, I was tempted and fell into the trap. I know what I did was selfish and now I really have to do the hard work of repairing what I broke. I'm trying to do that by focusing a lot more on my wife. I know it's unfair to her, but I'm trying to be a good husband for her despite my mistakes. It's not nearly enough, but at least it's a start. If you are truly remorseful and want to repair what you broke by your clear CHOICE. Then man up and tell your wife what you did. Somehow though, I bet you won't. And I bet you'll do it again too as you were warned but you ignored all the advice and still went ahead Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConflictedMan Posted February 20, 2019 Author Share Posted February 20, 2019 Have you been in contact with your OW since you slept with her? Yes. It's hard because we work in the same office. It's virtually impossible to avoid running into each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Are you NC apart from business? Have you told her in no uncertain terms no more texting, messaging and definitely no more lunches or meeting up anywhere else? Somehow I doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Yes. It's hard because we work in the same office. It's virtually impossible to avoid running into each other. Such is the price you pay when you dip your nib in the office ink. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 op, what is the policy in your workplace surrounding employees seeing/sleeping with one another? Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Someone decided to put on a pair of bad idea jeans.... You forever gave up your honor and likely permanently damaged how your wife will feel about future relationships if and when she finds out. I have had plenty of opportunities to engage in the behavior you have chosen and had no problem not following through. I get it, things get boring or difficult at times but when you love someone you just don't treat them so carelessly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 If you are truly remorseful and want to repair what you broke by your clear CHOICE. Then man up and tell your wife what you did. Remorse has no part in this. Back in the beginning of the month he posted about the supposed proposition. He's KNOWN about it for 3 weeks and had all the time in the world to deal with it in a mature and respectful manner. After giving this thread a bunch of lip service about how he was going to do the right thing, he STILL came back to brag to us that he didn't. He's known for weeks that this was available to him and claimed he wanted to set up boundaries, then he comes back and tells us all about how he chose to cheat. You don't get to have your fun and THEN suddenly feel 'remorseful' only after you've been satisfied. Doesn't work that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConflictedMan Posted February 23, 2019 Author Share Posted February 23, 2019 What was the interaction? Has there been any sexual innuendos involved - or plans to get together again, at all? The interactions have been mostly normal. We both realize that what we're doing is wrong but also realize there's a sense of attraction that's hard to ignore. We're not making plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConflictedMan Posted February 23, 2019 Author Share Posted February 23, 2019 You getting together with her this weekend? No. If anything, trying hard not to go there again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConflictedMan Posted February 23, 2019 Author Share Posted February 23, 2019 op, what is the policy in your workplace surrounding employees seeing/sleeping with one another? I don't believe it's expressly forbidden unless you're sleeping with a subordinate. I'm not a boss so it doesn't apply. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 How hard is it to understand there has to be no interaction apart from the absolute minimum necessary for work purposes. You cannot be friends. You're so passive in your responses it's obvious those barriers could be stepped over never mind torn down! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConflictedMan Posted February 23, 2019 Author Share Posted February 23, 2019 How hard is it to understand there has to be no interaction apart from the absolute minimum necessary for work purposes. You cannot be friends. This is the part we're both struggling with. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 That's the point, there shouldn't be a 'we'! When are you just going to admit you're in an inning affair? There's absolutely no sense of guilt or someone trying to face consequences in your posts! Your poor wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 This is the part we're both struggling with. Why the "we". There is no "we". How is this a "struggle" for her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 You have been, since before you arranged to share a hotel room, having an affair. You have been, since before you started this thread, been cheating on your wife. All the lunches and flirtations led to the physical part, which gave you pause, resulting in this thread...but it's full steam ahead now, I can see that quite clearly and I'm sure you are fully aware yourself, Mr. Conflicted. No sense wasting time trying to protect your wife when you won't do it yourself. Have fun, that's what this is about, right? I'll make a prediction though....Single mom isn't going to be happy schlupping around with a married man for long. She wants more than your penis, you just don't know it yet. Carhill was right, Power of the P. Lol, good times. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
40somethingGuy Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 (edited) I know it's unfair to her, but I'm trying to be a good husband for her despite my mistakes. It's not nearly enough, but at least it's a start. How do you look at your wife in the eye again? You knew all along what you were going to do was wrong. And for the love of God don't call it a 'mistake.' I hope the MOW's husband tells your wife and she takes the kids and you to the cleaners. Good parents don't risk destroying the kids family. Edited March 3, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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