pepperbird Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 I’m sorry to hear this, but you get no judgment from me—I too had a chance to walk away and didn’t. The temptation, desire, and buildup was just too much. . Perhaps a little bit of judgement is in order. It might save a lot of people from being hurt. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 (edited) Not surprised at all, predicted this from your first post<snip> My guess? He wants to feel like he did his due diligence. If he can tell himself that he tried to stop himself, then that will be a salve for his conscience. Edited February 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Quote truncated 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 So you scratched that itch and NOW you're going to be a "good husband"?? Oh puhleeze. You, sir, are just a run of the mill adulterer. You made a conscious, well-informed decision to stick your penis in a coworker. You will carry on this affair until everyone's lives are ruined. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 You might as well get a divorce now because you will do it again. Free your wife for a man who will appreciate, love and respect her. There are a lot of men who would honor a good woman so set her free. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Of course this is not a one-off. You'll keep hooking up with her and in between get togethers do the meaningless "now I have to stop, now I have to focus on my wife". You can't uncross that line and we all know where it goes from here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NotADayGoesBy Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Perhaps a little bit of judgement is in order. It might save a lot of people from being hurt. You're right. I'm just not the one to give it to him. Also to clarify: when I say I was in the same situation, I don't mean to imply it 'just happened.' I know I made a specific choice. For anyone else reading this who is waffling, I guess the point here is cut things off BEFORE you get to the point where your emotions and /or hormones are so out of control that you make the wrong choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 It’s also not a “mistake” when there is a 10 page long discussion on love shack during which OP has analyzed the pros and cons of having sex with a woman who is not his wife and does/does not get caught... that is not a “mistake,” that is a very calculated and well thought out decision. Agreed. He hasn't been very "conflicted" from the first post... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 (edited) I don't get why so many are crawling up his ass with all the judgement.<snip> Judgment? No... working with facts here. He offered those facts himself. There’s no judgment in dealing with evidence of what he said he didn’t want to do vs what he went ahead and did. Stop saying it’s judging. That’s a cop out - an excuse to eliminate bad behavior. Edited February 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tristian Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 This is one thread about one persons situation. If you have insight or advice for the OP this is the place for that. If you want to discuss statistics, the morality of infidelity in general, or any other general topic then please do it elsewhere we have countless general interest threads on these topics. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Well, all of you who predicted the beginning and the end were all correct. As much as I tried to create appropriate boundaries, ultimately, I was tempted and fell into the trap. I know what I did was selfish and now I really have to do the hard work of repairing what I broke. I'm trying to do that by focusing a lot more on my wife. I know it's unfair to her, but I'm trying to be a good husband for her despite my mistakes. It's not nearly enough, but at least it's a start. If you are truly remorseful and want to repair what you broke by your clear CHOICE. Then man up and tell your wife what you did. Somehow though, I bet you won't. And I bet you'll do it again too as you were warned but you ignored all the advice and still went ahead Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Have you been in contact with your OW since you slept with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConflictedMan Posted February 20, 2019 Author Share Posted February 20, 2019 Have you been in contact with your OW since you slept with her? Yes. It's hard because we work in the same office. It's virtually impossible to avoid running into each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Are you NC apart from business? Have you told her in no uncertain terms no more texting, messaging and definitely no more lunches or meeting up anywhere else? Somehow I doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Yes. It's hard because we work in the same office. It's virtually impossible to avoid running into each other. Such is the price you pay when you dip your nib in the office ink. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Yes. It's hard because we work in the same office. It's virtually impossible to avoid running into each other. What was the interaction? Has there been any sexual innuendos involved - or plans to get together again, at all? Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 op, what is the policy in your workplace surrounding employees seeing/sleeping with one another? Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Someone decided to put on a pair of bad idea jeans.... You forever gave up your honor and likely permanently damaged how your wife will feel about future relationships if and when she finds out. I have had plenty of opportunities to engage in the behavior you have chosen and had no problem not following through. I get it, things get boring or difficult at times but when you love someone you just don't treat them so carelessly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 If you are truly remorseful and want to repair what you broke by your clear CHOICE. Then man up and tell your wife what you did. Remorse has no part in this. Back in the beginning of the month he posted about the supposed proposition. He's KNOWN about it for 3 weeks and had all the time in the world to deal with it in a mature and respectful manner. After giving this thread a bunch of lip service about how he was going to do the right thing, he STILL came back to brag to us that he didn't. He's known for weeks that this was available to him and claimed he wanted to set up boundaries, then he comes back and tells us all about how he chose to cheat. You don't get to have your fun and THEN suddenly feel 'remorseful' only after you've been satisfied. Doesn't work that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 You getting together with her this weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConflictedMan Posted February 23, 2019 Author Share Posted February 23, 2019 What was the interaction? Has there been any sexual innuendos involved - or plans to get together again, at all? The interactions have been mostly normal. We both realize that what we're doing is wrong but also realize there's a sense of attraction that's hard to ignore. We're not making plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConflictedMan Posted February 23, 2019 Author Share Posted February 23, 2019 You getting together with her this weekend? No. If anything, trying hard not to go there again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConflictedMan Posted February 23, 2019 Author Share Posted February 23, 2019 op, what is the policy in your workplace surrounding employees seeing/sleeping with one another? I don't believe it's expressly forbidden unless you're sleeping with a subordinate. I'm not a boss so it doesn't apply. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 How hard is it to understand there has to be no interaction apart from the absolute minimum necessary for work purposes. You cannot be friends. You're so passive in your responses it's obvious those barriers could be stepped over never mind torn down! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConflictedMan Posted February 23, 2019 Author Share Posted February 23, 2019 How hard is it to understand there has to be no interaction apart from the absolute minimum necessary for work purposes. You cannot be friends. This is the part we're both struggling with. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 That's the point, there shouldn't be a 'we'! When are you just going to admit you're in an inning affair? There's absolutely no sense of guilt or someone trying to face consequences in your posts! Your poor wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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