Sector Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Hopefully this is the right section for asking for advice. I dated a girl, which I developed feelings for pretty quickly. We only had two dates and it felt like the right thing to tell her how I feel about us. She appreciated my honesty and told me she really likes me as well, but she was uncertain because of the distance of our hometowns. I assured her, that the distance is no problem for me and that I visit her town just to get to know her better and like to spend time with her. However, she read the message, but didn't reply. She almost never initiated conversations and it overall felt like my feelings were not mutual. As I like her as person and we have rather unique interests in common, it was for obvious after our first date, that if this wouldn't work out in a romantic way, I would like to keep this as a friendship. On our first date, I invited her to visit my hometown, which she agreed to in February as there is semester break. In the first week of February I texted her that I would like to talk to her personally about one thing or another as I value our friendship and she should let me know if she likes to visit my hometown. She replied, that she is sorry for not replying, but she had things to do and she is unsure when she can come to my town, but she let me know in any case if she finds a suitable date for the visit. My feelings for her start to fade and the more I think about it, I think a friendship is the best I can get out of this situation. However, actually I'm afraid she never messages me regarding the visit, which lead me to the thoughts that I might was mistaken about her and the things she told me (that she really likes me). I'm not going to broach the subject again and would like to let her approach me and see if she really comes to visit me. But I'm in conflict: Somehow I feel like this is the final mark as if she reaches out to me she likes to have a friendship with me and if she don't, she doesn't want a friendship. Any advice on how to handle the situation or if I might be mistaken to condition a friendship if she doesn't get in touch with me in February? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 You got attached too quickly & pushed too hard. This girl is running from you. While the distance may not be a problem for you, it was a problem for her. It's also a very bad idea to settle for friendship when you want more. All you do is make yourself miserable & annoy the other person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sector Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 You got attached too quickly & pushed too hard. This girl is running from you. While the distance may not be a problem for you, it was a problem for her. It's also a very bad idea to settle for friendship when you want more. All you do is make yourself miserable & annoy the other person. I did it carefully without being sappy and told her I'd respect her opinions. Until I told her, she thought I would come to her town for other purposes and not for her, but she appreciates it and enjoyed our time together. I think she is a person, who would tell me to leave her alone, but as I already wrote I'm not the one who is reaching out again or pushing. If she is really running from me, I don't understand, why she is telling me to approach me, when she is able to schedule a visit... I finished dating with her for myself and don't plan to resume. The concerns I've now are comparable to if a guy friend tells me to visit me, but never gets into touch with me. I just don't want to lose a (possible) friend. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 She does not want to be your friend. She wants no drama. She would be polite if she saw you in public but that is all she is going to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alice82 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 She is in it to meet up quickly and weed out what she doesn't want. Women know pretty quickly and sometimes a guy moving to slow is annoying online. Different strokes for different folks. It can't always be about our own needs, now can it? You have to learn when to read between the lines with people and when to bend and when to stand straight. It's a dance. You'll learn the rhythm one day. You sound sweet. Don't assume she isn't sweet too, just because her response is different than yours though, ok. Tolerance is key. And knowing when to give and take. Nobody seems to get that one yet! That's where I'm at in the dating world...different stages of growth is a factor too. Relax. Would you keep a butterfly under a glass jar or let it float on? Link to post Share on other sites
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