Girlfriend left me for my best friend

[YisterD]

I am 18 yrs old in grade 12 and my friend, my ex and I have been very close friends for a good amount of years. There was a somewhat triangle between the three of us where, she liked me and I didn't then my friend liked her but she didn't. Eventually she and I ended up together for a while and my friend was pretty cool about it.

 

Like most relationships the start was great, we were both happy, there were bumps here and there, but I was always the one to discuss these problems and resolve them.

 

One day my girlfriend started talking about my friend a lot, they never really messaged each other often, but she was telling me about how sweet and nice he was. I found out later it was because he had been frequently telling her about all the things he loved about her, and sharing to her a heartbroken letter he wrote when she rejected him a year back. My girlfriend often brought this letter up and would read it while we were hanging out just the two of us, followed by texting him that she had read it again.

 

She started preferring to hangout with my friend more than me and they would call each other at night, even when I was around it was hard to be apart of their conversations since she would be staring right at him and only speak to him. I had planned to speak to my friend about it but he never had the time.

 

I had begun to feel neglected by my girlfriend, making it hard to engage with her when on the off chance she spoke to me, and we ended up ignoring each other for a while.

 

I had become slightly depressed and it affected my day to day, but I noticed (at least on the outside) that my girlfriend seemed perfectly fine. This was because instead of speaking to me she had been expressing all her feeling and troubles to my friend, and he had been consoling her (Note: I had been her shoulder to cry on for everything before we got together).

 

They started to get closer and closer and she told him she planned on breaking up with me, but she never did. She eventually confessed to him that she liked him, and she was turned down since he had feelings for another girl, which he confessed to the same day and was also turned down. The two in a state of rejection continued to flirt with each other for a few days, and he convinced her to finally meet with me to break up (This was all happening while we were still together and while I had been trying to meet with her to resolve our issues).

 

We eventually had our talk and broke it off, I brought up the fact that she confessed to my best friend while we were still dating, to which she rebutted that we had "basically broken up by then", I didn't agree with that logic but I didn't press any further. In the end it concluded to us still being friends. I also talked to my friend and cleared a few things up, and we also ended things on a good note.

 

That's the backstory, here is the current situation. The day I had the talk with the two of them they decided to start dating each other. I told the both of them (separately) that I would be okay if they did, so that's not the problem. I'm happy for my friend since it is his first time dating someone, and I told him I'd support him, so I understand that he took the chance when he could.

 

The problem is that I really loved my girlfriend, and I still do. A part of me wants to hate her for all that had happened, and shes been a huge hypocrite, telling my friend a lot of things that she didn't pull through with while we were dating. But I still love her.

 

It pains me to see her everyday, and to see them together. It shows that she loves him more than she did me, she was always wary about PDA when we were dating, but with him it's perfectly okay. I understand that I can't do anything about it and I shouldn't expect anything, if she loved me back we would still be together. And I understand that I'm still young and that the world is big place. But I still feel the way I do.

 

Should just bear with it until the next chapter of my life? Do I cut my ties? if so with who? My ex? My best friend? Both?

 

All my close friends are close with each other, I'm careful about the people I surround my self with, as such I don't have many friends but a strong connection with each, so losing either of them would really suck.

[CantGetEnuff]

OP,

 

You have what, about 3.5 months before you can never see her again? I assume you graduate HS in May.

 

It's going to be a hard 3.5 months, but you know that. You are really 100 percent good with staying friends with this dude? He really broke the bro code big time here. Your call.

 

After you graduate, hopefully you can avoid her for the rest of your life.

 

And don't put too much stock in 'love' as an 18-year-old. It means very little, as you'll see when you are older.

 

But none of this means this doesn't suck for you. I know it does.

[ExpatInItaly]

Should just bear with it until the next chapter of my life? Do I cut my ties? if so with who? My ex? My best friend? Both?

 

Yes, both.

 

This guy is no friend. You don't need people in your life who will actively work to sabotage your relationship. That is not a friend. I am quite shocked that you are still talking to him, let alone supporting his relationship with your ex. He doesn't respect you at all.

 

And her? Forget her. After graduating, she will become just some girl you dated in highschool for a bit, who essentially started dating your "friend" right under your nose. She will be nothing but a less-than-fond memory by this time next year.

[d0nnivain]

Double whammy. You poor thing.

 

Cutting ties with both is your best bet. Because you have to see them in school, you carry on, go to classes & dream about the next chapter in your life.

[emeraldgreen]

Your friend is a dog. Your girl was emotionally cheating on your way before they got together. A messy situation all round. It's good that you can be happy for them, but they were going to do this whether you liked it or not. Just keep that in mind because they're certainly not going to show you any gratitude for it.

 

Look after number one and blow the two of them off.

[Marc878]

You have a double betrayal. You don't have many options.

 

Cut them both off and move on.

[healing light]

Agree with the others. Your friend is not a friend. At all. He deliberately undermined you and sabotaged your relationship. Your girlfriend basically cheated on you with a prolonged emotional affair.

 

You need to next them both for your own sanity. You can forgive them on your own terms without needing to be happy about it while sparing your sanity in the process.

 

Who needs enemies when you have "friends" like this?

[central]

If they did this behind your back, or lied about it, then I'd suggest you cut ties with both. Otherwise, if they make a better match together than you would have with her, then be happy for them and accept that you simply weren't as compatible. Better to lose a sub-optimal relationship, than continue one at any cost - and it frees you to find someone more compatible. Seriously, if they are better suited to each other, then better they get together than have her stay with you. It may hurt for a while, but you CAN get over it.

 

You will doubtless have several relationships that will end in one way or another, before you find someone truly compatible and truly into YOU. This is all practice for the eventual real thing.