pepperbird Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 (edited) duped, where you work with her, the situation could be a little more complicated. If she continues to try and speak with you, let her know you want the conversation to be kept strictly professional. If she refuses to keep it that way, write her an email or other letter that reiterates your wishes. If you feel there is any chance your ex-ow might try and contact your wife to get back at you, then you are going to be between a rock and a hard place. In this situation, coming clean to your wife is actually a kindness. It will be easier coming from her than some stranger on the phone. Edited February 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fixed spacing Link to post Share on other sites
Author dupedforreal123 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 I’m sure a lot of you have read my story and I work with MW who wants to remain friends. Although painful to admit I really am against this idea....would I love to remain friends with her - YES. But I just can’t - I need to move on and not being friends with her seems like the logical step to take. What are her motives to want to remain friends? What does she gain by wanting this? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 She's looking for forgiveness / absolution. She also wants there to be no drama at work. Say "yes" to being friends (a white lie) but mean it in the sense that you will only act professionally during office hours. Do not interact otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Patrice Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Remain professional, but other than that no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 She wants to remain friends as I guess she is no longer emotionally involved. She dumped you, so she will have processed that probably well before the actual split and so she is happy just being friends. She doesn't want you back so she can be cool and collected around you. You, on the other hand cannot be friends as you are still emotionally involved and want her back - you are still a mess.. Link to post Share on other sites
Abetterme Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 @duped - I think what Elaine says is spot on. She’s done so being friends isn’t a problem for her. No matter how many ways you pose this question, the responses will be the same and you have to accept it for your healing. I imagine she also feels you are volatile and could blow things up for her so she presents this”option” to pacify you. You can’t be friends with her and you just need to let her know where you stand on that. It is nothing to feel about, but essential for your well-being. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dupedforreal123 Posted February 19, 2019 Author Share Posted February 19, 2019 But let me ask....how can one seriously do this? Like forget something ever happened - in essence not care anymore? I mean really??? Like have no thought process about it what so ever. Or am I just looking at this wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 But let me ask....how can one seriously do this? Like forget something ever happened - in essence not care anymore? I mean really??? Like have no thought process about it what so ever. Or am I just looking at this wrong? Who said she has forgotten, or does not care or has no thought process about it whatsoever? Link to post Share on other sites
Abetterme Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 @duped - I’m sure she has sadness about the relationship ending, that’s probably another reason why she asks to be friends. It keeps you on the line if she wants that in the option in the future which is also a selfish move on her part. But you are looking at it wrong. She has just made a choice, and that is her family, and that is the right one. You seem to be having such a hard time getting out of this place of “how could she”. You’re still in contact....why don’t you ask her? Maybe the answer will finally help you get closure. However, I imagine you have and just like the responses on the board, you just haven’t liked what she said. I have some of these similar thoughts as well. I wish I didn’t. She’s just trying to do her best to move forward for her own sanity. If my xMM saw me today he would probably say the same thing, but there are days I don’t want to get out of bed over the shame of my bad choices and shame for missing him and what we had. It’s like any other loss - a job, a pet, a disappointment over something you wanted and didn’t get. We have to pull ourselves up and improve moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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