Will he come back? Can we work through this?

[Daisy961]

We had a strong connection told me he had feelings for me but was scared of a relationship. A couple of months later I ask him what we are he said between friends and dating and that if he could date anyone it would be me and he’s not seeing anyone else or actively looking.

 

Anyway I noticed him starting acting one day. Cold texts, not reciprocating anything affectionate back. Questioned it and he reassured me it fine. We go away on holidays together the following week no affectionate. Again ask him again and he says nothing to worry about. I accept that answer move on. Until he’s even colder the next day I ask him again and he says he doesn’t want to date me so he doesn’t want to see me anymore.

I have a verbal meltdown say things I don’t mean..

 

The next day he states that he still has strong feelings for me but he’s feelings haven’t progressed for me and doesn’t want to hurt me down the track if his feelings don’t progress. Later says he’s stupid because he really meant that we should just take a step back but too much has been said now and he doesn’t think we can work it out. Later decides needs time to think if can work it out.

 

Texts me 24 hours later and says he can’t do it. He would love to go back but can’t. It won’t be the same. I beg saying it was a misunderstanding. Says he still has feelings for me and still wants me in his life but as a friend. I beg some more he can see where I’m coming from but says the only way it would work was if I got over my feelings we grew a friendship naturally and see what happens from there. I get annoyed tell him that gives me false hope and he gets annoyed and his last message is fine I’m certain it won’t work.

 

I sent a few messages in a row with the last being a big heartfelt message about how sorry I was and hoping we can work it out. No reply and I haven’t messaged since.

 

Will NC bring make him change is mind?

Should I reach out again in the future?

Can we work through this? If he says he has feelings I don’t know why he wouldn’t want to work it out.

[FMW]

No, don't reach out any more. The ball is in his court.

 

In the end it doesn't really matter what he says, does it? The reality of what he's doing is NOT being with you.

 

Only time will tell if he comes back to you, but give some serious thought to why you think his lack of reliability, stability and attention to you merits you wanting him back. You can do better.

[spiderowl]

He keeps saying he wants to keep a limit on this relationship. I know it is hard to accept but there is no point clinging on to the idea that he might change his mind. Even if he did, he would always hold back and be the one in charge, pulling your strings.

 

You would be so much better off dumping him and deciding he's not the one for you. If he was, he would be with you and happy to be so. Somewhere out there is a lovely guy who would not put you through all this doubt and misery.

[Mr. Lucky]

If he says he has feelings I don’t know why he wouldn’t want to work it out.

 

Daisy961, if he didn't have feelings for you, how would he act?

 

He'd probably say hurtful things, tell you he didn't want to be with you and go NC despite your efforts to reach out to him. In other words, exactly what he's done.

 

Time to let this one go...

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

We had a strong connection told me he had feelings for me but was scared of a relationship.

 

Daisy when someone tells you they they have feelings but are scared of a relationship, it's a huge red flag. It should actually be a deal breaker. In short, warning sign that it's all going to to pear shaped in exactly the way you describe.

 

Walk away from him now. You can't undo the time you wasted trying to turn this into something, but you can prevent yourself from wasting future time on him.

[d0nnivain]

NC is not a tool for manipulation. It's not about the heart growing fonder. It's about you getting over them.

 

This guy doesn't want a romance with you. Stop waiting for him. Go find a guy who would be thrilled to be with you.

[stillafool]

 

 

Can we work through this? If he says he has feelings I don’t know why he wouldn’t want to work it out.

 

Did you not hear what he told you? He at the least wants to dial back to a friendship. He doesn't want to make you his gf and has told you so. When a guy tells you 3 times he doesn't want you don't beg him just move on. No NC will not bring him back and I don't see this working out. When the guy is lukewarm about the woman it just doesn't work.

[Simple Logic]

Some where between a friend and a date. He was never into you. Move on.

[preraph]

He has never been more than lukewarm on you and now you've forced him to just say straight out he doesn't want you. So now it's time to block him and just move on. Don't ever make a guy tell you more than once he doesn't want you. Have more pride and self-love than that. He doesn't want you. It hurts. Mourn, block him and move on. Do not contact him.

[spiderowl]

Honestly, you need to give up on this guy. Wanting to be with him and pressuring him to want a relationship with you is only going to push him further away.

 

No contact can 'work' to bring some guys back, but it sounds like he is not interested. Please ignore whatever excuses he gives - if he wanted to be with you, he would be knocking on your door and asking you to be with him.

 

I know you are sad now but you will get over him. Next time, do not get attached to a guy so quickly. I would date him for at least three months before even considering if it could turn into anything more. Treat him as a casual friend - that way, he won't feel trapped or pressured and it will give you time to really get to know the real person and not fall in love with someone who is not reciprocating those feelings.