who to believe 400 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Been on and off with same guy for several years and have left him for short periods of time and discussed it in advance with my therapist. Last several months have been good with him. He seems to have changed his ways which meant not lying about financial matters. When I told my therapist I wasn't breaking up with him, she said she is concerned about me being with him again and I should think about all the bad stuff with the good stuff too. I’ve been seeing her for 7 years. Should I really focus on what she’s saying? I know it's unlikely anyone really changes for long term but isn't it possible? If so, we really care for each other. I know he has some negatives but don't we all. He has a really big heart and is generous but he can be narcissistic sometimes. The big issue we've had all along has been that he has minimal assets for retirement but is working and saving although he almost retirement age. On the other hand, I've worked and saved all my life so I'm well settled. I know I'd need to do some legal contract if we are to live together, which he wants to do in about 6 months. do I give her caution more importance than the way I feel? Am I feeling this way out of loneliness? She calls my relationship with him like wearing an old comfortable shoe. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 I would avoid any legal entanglement with him. If you want to stay together, do so without having to potentially support him by obligation rather than choice. No one has to get married these days, and at your ages a marriage contract may be counterproductive - there are exceptions, of course, and there may be benefits for HIM, but what would YOU get out of it that living together (or nearby) doesn't provide? Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah_Smiles Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Id do both and move forward with an alerted eye on him and how things are going, then you can see potential issues and step back with limited hurt. I think your therapist has your back and worries for you, so I would not discount her warning totally. if you live together it should be 50 - 50 if he cannot pay his share then do NOT live together is my advice. Make that known to him since he is pushing for the cohabitation. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 7 years with the same therapist? Maybe you should ask what it is they are doing for you? Calling this relationship with him like an old comfortable shoe isn't necessarily a bad thing, and if the only issue is how he has handled his retirement? That doesn't sound like a toxic relationship. If you love him and he treats you good then isn't that what you should be aiming for? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Don't ever mix money with him and make him pay his half if you live together. Make the clear up front. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 As others have said, do NOT enter into any kind of legal contracts with him - marriage, mortgage, even a lease. Keep your finances completely separate. If you stay together you'll probably feel obligated to pay his way in some manner, especially when he retires if his funds are limited. So just take everything into consideration before making big decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Isnt that what relationship are? Finding someone whose crazy you can deal with? With that said, from what you quoted her as saying, it doesn't sound like she is saying dont, more so to be careful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 If you’re needing a therapist to function these past seven years, I’m gonna have to go with trusting the therapist. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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