My ex let his wife of 5 years spank our son for bullying

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Sounds like there are a LOT of issues going on here.....we're probably getting about 15% of it.

[BaileyB]

Sounds like there are a LOT of issues going on here.....we're probably getting about 15% of it.

 

I agree. It sounds like a very dysfunctional family dynamic here.

[Blind-Sided]

I don't have a problem with spanking. I do have an issue with bullying. Especially a special needs kid. as others said... focus on your kid, and not the spank'in.

[stillafool]

he will soon be big enough to retaliate, she showed him how to be violent, bad move, he might wap somebody due to the learned behavior, might be step-mom

 

He's a bully already.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Someone that's bullying a special needs child at 13 is going to grow up to become a monster.

 

 

I think that world would be a better place if children and teens that do this or torture/kill animals are euthanized. Humanity would be much better off.

[JuneL]

I find it puzzling that many would focus disproportionately on the “spanking” and “violence” — using a hairbrush

 

OP: You’ve been avoiding a core question, namely, why did your son’s father have full custody? Was it your decision to give up custody, or did the judge think you’re an unfit parent?

 

To add, are you even sure your son was not manipulating you? You should have at least verified what he said was what actually happened.

Edited February 26, 2019 by JuneL

[Blanco]

I think your anger is a bit misguided, and suspect this is more about disliking the stepmother rather than what she did. It's not what you want to hear, but I'd be putting my energy into getting the point across to my son that bullying is a lousy thing to do, and bullying someone who is special needs is an especially repulsive act.

[standtall]

Got to this one late.

 

OP, I spanked my kids from the age 4 and under because they cannot be reasoned with in "with love and logic" way. I was "swatted" in 7th grade by a gym teacher, and then later by my mother ( 1979 style parenting), and all it did was make me fantasize about killing them. With that said, physical discipline with older kids won't achieve anything...it will make it worse. I have found teenagers are real easy to deal with. For example, give them age appropriate privileges to the real world, then deny them as needed..ie..phones, cars, ability to go to concerts, money, hanging with friends etc. You maintain total control to all such things, find your kids handle (what they care about), and use it. Two more things... never threaten a consequence, and then not deliver it....big mistake. Second, you are not you minor child's friend...you are their parent....big difference.

[minimariah2]

As a step-parent to your child, I believe she had every right to do what she did.

 

no, she did not.

 

this child already has a father & a mother and it is on them to make big decisions. a step-parent is "raising" a child the way other family members are, such as aunties and grandparents, meaning... small everyday decisions... for example: to brush teeth before bed or to wash dishes after lunch. everything else, ESPECIALLY parenting methods such as spanking, needs to be worked out between the child's parents.

 

What he did was very wrong and it's far better to be a little overly-strict than overly-lenient with a child, particularly with boys.

 

it is actually the other way around. "overly-strict" is how you create a personality disorder.

 

It would really benefit you to be supportive of the authority figures in your son's other home.

 

it would also benefit her son to ensure that he doesn't get his a$$ beat by his father's wife.

 

OP - yeah... i would take this to the court. she will be slapping him when he's 18. and about bullying: he will be just fine. i've been both bullied and a bully and it was made clear to me that bullying was wrong - and no one spanked me - i'm doing more than okay years later and i am not an entitled brat. this is a phase and it will pass.

[minimariah2]

You're his MOTHER, yet in essence, you've dumped your problem child on the woman who chose to marry your ex.

 

let me fix that for you:

 

the OP's ex has dumped his problem child on a woman who chose to marry him.

 

...you're free to do what you want because you've been relieved of your parenting duties.

 

how come you forgot to call out the OP's - the child's FATHER - for not doing his parenting duties?

 

Then how about you take your own son back and parent him like you should be doing?

 

i think it's hilarious how you're bullying the OP on a thread where the main problem seems to be - bullying.

[Miss Clavel]

i got custody of all the orphans, years ago. does that mean there is something wrong with their fathers? how is it that woman get the kids 95 percent of the time and no one thinks a thing about it but if the OP doesn't have full custody, "there's a reason"??

 

maybe the reason is that him being with his dad is for the best? maybe his father lives closer to the school or the mom is going to school at night? maybe his mom is a recovering addict and not able. it doesn't necessarily mean she's not "fit".

 

anyway, i don't believe in "step parents". and i told this to my youngest when her father remarried and she described his new wife as her "step-mom". wtf? in what way is daddy's wife a "mom"? my children have a mom. at home, where they live.

 

i can see being a step mom if the kids are very young but other than that, no way.

 

we don't have enough to go on other than the term "bullying". did your son steal his lunch? taunt him? call him names? did your son hit the sn kid? slap him, hide his wheelchair? you don't teach him not to hit others by hitting him.

 

i can not image having a 13 year old boy bend over to be hit with a hairbrush?? wtf??

 

the wife is way out of her lane and i'd let them both know. it's wrong, no matter who has custody or who is "fit".

 

years ago my daughter had a class mate in k-4 and the little girl had "problems". you had to be aware of her "needs". i used to work up at the school for a couple hours each day, helping with lunch and recess and let me tell you that little girl was a scheming conniver, and when you called her out of it she'd claim, "you can't do anything about it because , "i have issues".

 

so there is special needs and there is using a label for special treatment.

 

not saying what the boy did was right, only that we don't know more than, what ever he did he is way too old for his dads wife to bend him over and hit him with a hair brush.

 

he ain't even mine and i'm pissed.

 

your son needs someone to explain to him what he did and why it's wrong. in language he can understand and how, as another poaster said, it is his duty to protect those less fortunate than him.

 

i did something in second grade, repeated something to a teacher, i to this day have no idea where i heard it, and not only was she shocked enough to call my mom, but i was punished, for a week. no one explained to me, at seven years old, that it was wrong, let alone why it was wrong. i learned nothing. except i couldn't trust my mom. she never asked me where i heard it and never explained what the people saying the phrase were doing wrong, let alone what it meant.

 

so explain to your son.

 

explain to his "step-mom".

 

no wire hangers, ever.