azn03 Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 (edited) Hello, my boyfriend and I are together for about 2 years. We were deeply in love, happy just like many couples ou there. But recently, him and I got into a lot of arguments, fights, etc... So we decided to take a break. It’s been almost a week and I hate it. The reasons why we were fighting too much is because I didn’t realize the mistakes I’ve done until he pointed them out, and during all of those mistakes, I kept putting the blame on him when in reality, it was me. I was lacking confidence, self-love and I was petty and jealous, which is a toxic trait... I was also the one refusing to accept the fact he’s changed and his growths when I was the one changing and turning the relationship upside down... now... i decided to take a break to realize all of those things, and I understood a few days after... do you think that it would be too early to come back after a break that lasted for a week? Questions: What is a break for (I may have a brief definition in mind but I really want to hear from others)? Did it have a lot of impact on you? Tell me how How long should a break last? (Average) Do breaks end up as break ups? Thank you for taking your time Edited February 20, 2019 by azn03 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 (edited) I will preface my response by saying this: I don't do breaks in relationships. We're either together, or we're not. If we cannot work out issues as a couple, we have bigger problems than we realized and it's better to part ways. I have never asked for a break, nor have I been asked for one - likely because I have always been clear that it's not something I will do. Based on my observations of friends and family who have gone this route, it does seem that "breaks" are very often the precursor to a break-up, yes. If you two didn't define what the purpose of this break is for you both, we can't tell you that. Who asked for this, you or him? If it was him, well, it's usually because that person is going to see how they feel being single before they actually pull the plug. If it was you, shouldn't you already know why you requested a break? I've seen breaks last anywhere from a couple weeks to a few months. Do some couples reunite? Yes. Have I honestly seen many of them stay together thereafter? No. I know of two who have (and I mean, they later married) and one of those couples has a very troubled marriage today. I believe the difference with the couple who did successfully reconcile was that when they broke up, they treated it as a break-up. I don't believe they went into it thinking it was just a break. They spent around a year apart, both dated others, and they eventually found their way back to each other. As such, I don't really think it qualifies as a couple who expressly took a break. This was more like a reconciliation after a true break-up. Edited February 20, 2019 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 What is a break for (I may have a brief definition in mind but I really want to hear from others)? Usually it's to test whether you can manage living on your own. If you can, then it will turn into a permanent breakup. If you can't then you go back to your co-dependent relationship. How long should a break last? (Average) No idea. You should talk and decide this. Do breaks end up as break ups? Yes very often. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 I am another one who does not believe in breaks. They are simply break ups by indecisive people. That said, some time apart has made you more appreciative of what you had. In that case, reach out. Put into practice what you have learned & hopefully get past this. I do find it highly doubtful that you have corrected long standing problems & overcome your own self esteem issues in a week. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Have you defined whether it is OK for either of you to see or sleep with other people? If not, then the fall out from "It was not cheating we were on a break" can be worse than the reason you took a break in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 If the true intent of taking a break is to give each party some time to think about the issues with the intent of coming together to talk about solutions, etc., then sure, a short break with a pre-planned "end date" could be successful. It should not be more than a week though. So, if you ask for a break, you talk about the main issues, you choose a date and time and place to meet again to have an open and frank discussion. Asking for a break and leaving it opened ended, is disrespectful and usually torturous for the other party. In your case, however, I don't think a week is going to solve the kinds of issues you say you have -- "I was lacking confidence, self-love and I was petty and jealous, which is a toxic trait.." these are not things that you can fix in a week. I think you would be doing both of you a favor by reaching out now and ending the relationship so that you can get comfortable in your own skin and then you'll be able to be a good partner for someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 A lot of people take breaks in their relationship, they are usually permanent. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 The thing about a break is that it only benefits one person, and it's almost always a trial run for that person to see how being single feels. Link to post Share on other sites
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