Emptiness...

[nninnaa]

Hi, just wanted to give an update.

 

Its been almost 3 weeks since weve seen each other.

Yesterday i officially moved back to my (our) apaftment.

I opened the door and walked through the place....all his things arent here anymore, except for a few items hes left behind....

 

I sat down and cried for a good hour....not believing tbat this woukd happen to us....we were doing so well for a a minute there....

 

Other thN the sadness, this time, i dont have anxiety....i feel eerily calm which is so weird for me...before, after fights or even when we seperated last summer, my stomach was in knots and i was so anxious....i guess because i was always going back and forth in my mind whether i should stay and make it work or if we shouldn't. Well the fact is we are where we are, and it is how it is...

 

Maybe ive come to accept that we just werent a right match, maybe this was a long time coming so ive been "ready" for this....or maybe i just am realizing that maybe God has other plans for me, someone more suited for me and not such a project....

 

I miss him dearly...,i guess i just looking for how to get through this time when you still care and love your spouse....

 

And please, do not demonize my husband or make him out to be a mean evildoer....

I dont appreciate when others in my life have tried to use that approach...

 

My husband was a fantastic human being...he could light up room, so thoughful not just towards me but my whole family, grateful, and never ever put me down or judged me (painfully admit that i was the one would tease him )

 

I dont blame him. We were two different people from very different upbringings, different in every way....we loved each other....he tried....so hard....to be normal functioning adult...

 

Where domwe go from here? Im not planning on filing divorce papers anytime soon, i think deep down maybe im thinking in thr future we coukd try again? Or he woukd change? I know thats not likely....has anyone reconciled after separation?

 

I just know im on my own, woke up this morning to empty bed and apartmrnt...it feels like a death,,,,,

 

I do not plan on seeing other people at all.....is it strange that we arent in touch at all?

How does this all work ?

[LonelyITGuy]

I can't offer much, other than to say it's a big deal that your anxiety is gone. That means you did the right thing for YOU.

 

You're going to grieve the loss of the relationship for a while. That's normal and healthy. In fact, I highly recommend you get counseling to help you work your way through. You'll be fine. In fact, you'll be GREAT!

[preraph]

You're already happier without him. You are calm compared to you were anxious all the time. Have you thought about maybe what you had was codependency and that you'd be better getting used to being with yourself?

[Secondplanet]

I'm currently in the same boat, my wife is leaving me to be with her new boyfriend and at first it hurt every night, i would cry wondering what happened and why but what hurt the most was she told me on valentines day and only 4 days before our anniversary (13th... guess 13 is unlucky)

 

But now that things have calmed down enough and we both understood what has happened it does make it easier on me now. But now i got the stress of selling the house and splitting the value since she's moving back overseas.

 

But just take things nice and slow, you got no one to rush/compete with. I'm going for daily walks again to help me, also even though i'm not looking for a relationship i'm on meeting site trying to find some new friends as it seems all of mine aren't here in my moment of need.

[Mr. Lucky]

Where domwe go from here? Im not planning on filing divorce papers anytime soon, i think deep down maybe im thinking in thr future we coukd try again? Or he woukd change? I know thats not likely....has anyone reconciled after separation?

 

Willowforever, you're looking at this as though it were a normal separation, when it isn't.

 

Your husband is a substance abuser, alcohol is his drug of choice. Unless he can commit to the necessary steps to sobriety, nothing you can do will lead to change or reconciliation. And at this point, your continued involvement with him just further enables his addiction, bad for both of you.

 

It's past time to start thinking about a healthier life for yourself. Rather than back, looking ahead should be your focus...

 

Mr. Lucky

[nninnaa]

I understand and that’s why it has been relatively easier to let go this time, because I had to face that no matter what I did for him or how strong I had to be for us, it was always going to be in vain.

 

But I’m just human and I’m still sad and heartbroken.

I know I’ve made the right decision, but I still miss him....

Especially continuing to live where I do when we created that home together..:it

 

I don’t plan to contact him at all because there’s nothing left to say..

He can be on his own and get treatment or not.

I can’t rely on words anymore, I have to go by actions.

 

It’s just sad you know?

I’m not by any means a clingy person or needy. But at the bare minimum this physical presence of him is not with me anymore and it’s heartbreaking...

 

He has mail still coming to our place, what do I do?

[Mr. Lucky]

He has mail still coming to our place, what do I do?

 

Forward it to him...

 

Mr. Lucky

[nninnaa]

I don’t know where he is.

 

I didn’t ask him with whom he would be moving in with (brothers or aunt or mom)

 

We didn’t even meet up one last time to go over anything or say our goodbyes..

 

Even our separation doesn’t seem normal.

 

From what I’ve read others stories here, the couple sits down and talks and decide to separate, then they may or may not keep in touch, some still have sexual relations with one another..::

 

And I’m like I don’t even know where he went he could have dropped off the face of the earth for all I know.

 

I chose not to ask him because I felt it wasn’t my business anymore where he goes, if he finishes his school or not.

 

But I don’t think this was the mature or smart way to do it...

[preraph]

If he hasn't given you a forwarding address, do his parents live nearby? If so, send it there. If not, return it to the post office.

[nninnaa]

Just got the mail that he has changed his address at post office,

But new address is not shown.

 

Should I text his family to come get his mail?

His moms birthday is coming up....do I call her or

Text her happy birthday?

 

I’m devestated. I was doing okay, but just now that I opened the mail and saw the change of address it hit me hard.

I can’t stop crying....I just don’t want to be alive ...

 

I don’t want to go to work, I don’t care about anything anymore.

I just want to die already I can’t stand this pain.

 

Coming home every night to an empty home that we shared, I’m haunted by the sounds of his voice, the memories we made here together, hosting nights for holidays and family over...as screwed up

As he was I just miss my life so much...I’m so darn lonely all the time and I feel my life is over. How does anyone survive this? Without kids....at least if I had children they would be my reason to live....

I just can’t do this...

[vla1120]

Yes you can do this, Willow! It is okay to in your pain and allow yourself to feel it right now. There is nothing wrong with that and it WILL get better with time.

 

Now is when you need to remind yourself why you are here, in this position. Though it is painful, it would be more painful to continue living in his addiction. Can you go to Al Anon meetings? You are still being adversely affected by this and it might be good to talk to other people who are overcoming this type of situation.

 

Don't give up!! Give yourself some time.

[David33]

Hang in there Willow. Keep reaching out to friends, family, neighbors, us. You're not alone. A lot of us are going through that pain and sadness. Go for walks or exercise as much as you can. I'm going for 3 walks a day now. They do help. Take care.