What do you really want?

[CantGetEnuff]

I mean, I think the answer is "It changes."

 

Much like @RecentChanges, I never really had a perfect "type" as a younger guy. I didn't have some grand plan. Sure, I was attracted to brilliant women women who drank coffee and wrote poetry and could wax philosophical, and there were a lot of them in college, but I ultimately I found many of them to be somewhat anxious/neurotic, so yeah there were trade-offs. I still loved college though.

 

I shifted gears in my mid-20s to pursuing "girly girls" and that was fun, but didn't last long. High-maintenance requires a lot of work and patience, and I'm not the most patient person.

 

Then I met my wife, and got married. But I soon found myself attracted to women with a mix of intelligence and playfulness (basically taking the best of each from the two earlier type), who could make that switch from super serious/professional to bratty/submissive. There were a LOT of early 30s women, some married, who fit that description.

 

I'm not sure anyone stays locked in on a type their entire lives. I mean, we change, why shouldn't our ideal partner?

[The Dude Abides]

LOL at your list, Kitty ! :D There are some really good ones on there for sure! You sound like you are a genuinely interesting lady and a fun person to know. It's important that coffee and bacon made your list. No fanaticism about sports is OK with me, although can I convince you that baseball is worthy of obsession? Opening Day isn't far off.

 

 

I've already got pretty much exactly what I want, so fingers crossed that he doesn't die suddenly or something. It took me a couple of spectacularly failed relationships to get a grip on what is actually GOOD for me and to put this list together.

 

My criteria, in no particular order:

 

 

 

I guess that's a pretty long list, but I don't think it's too horribly impractical. I'd have a hard time compromising on any of those points. Especially... all of them.

 

It's as much about him being able to tolerate ME as it is about him measuring up to my standards. I'm all about pleasing my man, but there are plenty of things about me that I simply cannot or will not change. At my age and with the experience I've had, I can pretty comfortably say I'd rather grow old and die alone than with someone who wishes I was a substantially different person.

[The Dude Abides]

I want someone who is into me. ME. Not me and someone else at the same time, not me and someone more than me. ME, dammit. I don't know why but I can't seem to get this. Ever.

 

Hello Fair

 

That's a worthy goal and something every relationship should aspire to, IMO. I found this for the first time when I met Mrs Dude Abides, and honestly, I had no inkling that she could be "the one" because she was so far out of what I had typically considered as an option for dating. So maybe you can find someone to give you his all, by looking in places you've not considered. Best wishes as you meet the next guy in your life.

 

I think one reason Mrs Dude and I have stayed together for so long, albeit with some struggles at times, is that we genuinely like each other (separate from loving each other) and we do put each other first in life. Although that in itself is tough sometimes because there are competing interests and responsibilities , such as work, children, elderly parents, and so on. So we handle those issues by working on them together as much as possible. I support her and she supports me. That seems to help us stay on track.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I think a lot of people follow a herd mentality and are not really being true to themselves. Thats why we get break ups.

 

So at this point of your life. Within the world of romantic relationships. What do you really want out of them. Do you want to have a bunch of women or men. Do you want an open relationship. Marriage. No Marriage. In a 5 yr timeframe. What would you like to happen.

 

For me at age 47. I would like a women that is 30/40 something. Single and Childless or 1 child at the most. She makes herself to be as pretty as can be. Light and easy and cheerful/playful and flirtatious. Wants and desires me in a romantic way and is affectionate and is always ups for kissing/snuggling/making out and making love a dozen times a week. Interesting conversations and laughs. No rush to have kids/marriage. Spend time with each other and also have space. Just one woman. Not a bunch.

 

Thats it. Pretty simple to me. Height/weight/Ethnicity are negotiable. With Weight. I am athletic and fit and am striving to keep healthy so I would expect her to be the same as well. A steady job as well. On her own, but if she lives with her parents, to save up for a Condo is alright as well. Lives by close. So no Long distant relationship for me. Just chilling with each other and being authentic. No problems with pets. I am not getting rid of my cat.

 

I refuse to limit my options to some preconceived notion of what I want right now,

For what I want changes with time and someone may change my mind somehow,

Just because I prefer one type of woman doesn't mean I'll say no to another,

Or that because the traditional relationship is 2 people that I'll be closed off to 2 to love-smother.

 

While it's good to know what you want, as someone or many may have said previously,

Don't be too closed off so that you'll never find someone by following that so grievously,

It's good to have standards, of course, but those standards are more of a guide,

It's to help you narrow your search for another, not to be a matter-of-fact decision made with your pride.

[littleblackheart]

What I really want is peace, and a personal chef who would know how to cook stuff with a ton of cheese without the calories.

 

Romantically? The same, probably.

[Kitty Tantrum]

No fanaticism about sports is OK with me, although can I convince you that baseball is worthy of obsession? Opening Day isn't far off.

 

Baseball is the only sport I kinda sorta understand, so I have a higher tolerance for it than, say, football. My ex-boyfriend tried explaining football to me on several occasions (as have a handful of other people), and I just DON'T GET IT. It grinds my gears because I'm SMART (like, consistently around 99th percentile). I learn most things pretty quickly. But trying to make sense of football or sports like it (soccer, hockey, etc.) makes my brain hurt. Baseball is less chaotic, but STILL hard for me to follow. I wouldn't complain if my fiance enjoyed watching or playing a sport regularly/semi-regularly, but I could never handle it being a huge part of our lives the way it is for some people. Like having a bunch of people over to watch a game, or tailgating, or going out to sports bars a lot. Nope nope NOPE!

 

I'll own up to the fact that this might have a lot to do with me not being able to handle being the "dumbest" person in a group.

[Els]

I can't imagine having a laundry list like that for a partner, lol. Imagine if a woman wrote something like this:

 

 

I am 47 but I want a guy who is in his 30s. Must be ready to propose within 2 months. Preferably 6'5" and above but can do with just 6'. Should earn at least $200k a year. Very romantic and wants to take me out on dates dozens of times a week. Buys me flowers every few days or so. That's it. pretty simple to me.

[The Dude Abides]

Baseball is the only sport I kinda sorta understand, so I have a higher tolerance for it than, say, football. My ex-boyfriend tried explaining football to me on several occasions (as have a handful of other people), and I just DON'T GET IT.

 

I'll own up to the fact that this might have a lot to do with me not being able to handle being the "dumbest" person in a group.

 

OK, so it sounds as if I have a chance to get you going with baseball It really is a big chess match. Every action on the field or the dugout or the bullpen has an equal / opposite reaction for the other team. Folks who say it's boring just aren't catching what is going on. . OK I will stop now before everyone tells me to shut up LOL.

 

If it makes you feel any better, I played football for years but long ago lost all interest in the sport. I don't watch more than a few minutes of NFL all season.

[Mr. Lucky]

I want a guy who is in his 30s. Must be ready to propose within 2 months. Preferably 6'5" and above but can do with just 6'. Should earn at least $200k a year. Very romantic and wants to take me out on dates dozens of times a week. Buys me flowers every few days or so. That's it. pretty simple to me.

 

I'm sorry Elswyth, I'm already taken...

 

Mr. Lucky

[chillii]

I can't imagine having a laundry list like that for a partner, lol. Imagine if a woman wrote something like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But alas , they do all the time , go see the thread about the guy in LA looking for a women.

l saw it here a lot on date sites too , and the weirdest thing was they were often by ugly women, go figure.

[alphamale]

Mysterio with all those criteria you're going to have a real tough time finding someone. Instead pick 3 or 4 things that are MUST HAVES and concentrate on finding a girl with those charesteristics

[Garcon1986]

It's terribly saddening for me to go to the New Orleans Mardi Gras parade and not be able to land a single date. I feel like a 40 year old woman who feels invisible. I just want to be able to meet someone who values my life skills again, and can share an intellectual connection with me. Onwards back home, keep on chugging.

[Mr. Lucky]

I just want to be able to meet someone who can...share an intellectual connection with me.

 

At Mardi Gras, Garcon? Seems like the right idea but wrong place...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Garcon1986]

Right I really don't fit in at the Mardi gras central

[Mysterio]

Here is how I view my life. I would like to have a stable love relationship with a woman. I am 47. I feel like I have to be reasonably methodical about my choices. Just looking at everything from my side of life.

 

So I have refined my list and have to look at the following.

 

She has to be Single/Widowed/Divroced. Not Separated. I just see too many people being separated having issues with ex's. I don't want that.

 

1 child or childless is reasonable. I can't imagine being with a woman that has 4 kids. My buddy BD has an ex wife that has 4 kids. 2 with him. 2 with the guy she left him for. She is now on guy # 5 and they got divorce 11 yrs ago. BD was her second husband. A lot of us both men and women, have to be careful of who we end up with. Better to have out eyes/ears open to whats going on.

 

The woman I think would be a good fit for me age wise is 35+. If we click and meet each others family and are steady for 2 yrs. Of course I will be open to marriage and kids. I think 1 would be good. I just don't see myself as having a whole bunch of kids at age 47 soon to be 48 in March.

 

As dar as the physical stuff. I am not expecting sex everyday. I just say that 2 times a week of physical intimacy would be nice. Or however it works out. I need a lot of physical affection to feel close. I don't want to go 17 weeks with out kissing and making love. I want a great relationship. Not perfect, but good that we can weather storms and life each other beyond the romantic haze of being a couple.

 

Live in my city. What I think is at least aim high and not get so set in my ways is the best option.

[Mysterio]

Mysterio with all those criteria you're going to have a real tough time finding someone. Instead pick 3 or 4 things that are MUST HAVES and concentrate on finding a girl with those charesteristics

 

My must haves have to be broken down.

 

Single/Affectionate towards me/Health conscious and into Music in terms of going to music outing. I like to see a lot bands. So sitting around a TV is not my thing.

 

Summing it up again. We are affectionate towards each other. We got to Music concerts together. Interesting conversations/Laughs. Keep in shape/health conscious support towards each other. Financially stable.

 

I think thats all I want. Nothing more than that. I just feel that If I let my lust hormones carry me away. I might end up in a bad situation. At 47 I have to win its my only option. I feel like I am deserving of something great, as I do of all of you.

[alphamale]

so much for being less picky the older you get

[basil67]

The woman I think would be a good fit for me age wise is 35+. If we click and meet each others family and are steady for 2 yrs. Of course I will be open to marriage and kids. I think 1 would be good.

 

A woman of this age who will agree to this timeline is likely to not want kids. Because a woman who wants kids will already have them or be in a rush to have them. Are you OK with no kids?

[Kitty Tantrum]

Mysterio: I think the biggest issue with your list, as others have pointed out, is the age/kids thing.

 

If you know that you want children AND that you don't want them right away, it makes a lot more sense to look for women under 30.

 

Women over 30 who don't already have children, or who only have one, are not likely to be patient about having more. Their fertility is already on the decline at that point, and they know that. They also most likely don't want to have their kids really far apart in age, and they don't want to be pregnant when they're OLD.

 

Looking for a woman who is 35+ and then putting off having kids for 2+ years is setting yourself up to either not have children at all, or to have children who are born with disabilities. Advanced maternal age also increases the various risks to the mother during pregnancy and childbirth. Childless women seem to be statistically more likely to suffer complications with advanced age than women who have already had at least one successful pregnancy.

 

Unless you find a woman in remarkably good health AND with a family history of healthy childbearing in later age, it's quite a gamble.

 

If you're cool either way - with having kids eventually, or not - then I guess I'd just advise you to be careful in how you present that. It's cruel to dangle the possibility of having children in front of a woman who is rapidly running out of time to have them if you're wishy-washy about your own desire and timeline.

 

At 47, you have a lot more time to make up your mind and take action toward building a family than a 35 year old woman does. You could go through several such women, entering into 1-2 year relationships with each of them and breaking it off for whatever reason - and still go on to find a woman to build a family with. For all of those previous women, however, the time THEY put into those relationships with you might have been their last shot.

[chillii]

My must haves have to be broken down.

 

Single/Affectionate towards me/Health conscious and into Music in terms of going to music outing. I like to see a lot bands. So sitting around a TV is not my thing.

 

Summing it up again. We are affectionate towards each other. We got to Music concerts together. Interesting conversations/Laughs. Keep in shape/health conscious support towards each other. Financially stable.

 

I think thats all I want. Nothing more than that. I just feel that If I let my lust hormones carry me away. I might end up in a bad situation. At 47 I have to win its my only option. I feel like I am deserving of something great, as I do of all of you.

 

 

 

 

Haaaa yeah, the kids thing. l was the same l only have one daughter and ex and l work together ok , and that's all l was accepting in something new too, for many many reasons.

You don't even have any kids or ex's for her to deal with at all so absolutely nothing wrong with that.

My worst fear was l might fall in love with someone but she also just happens to have a herd of kids and ex's, then l'd be stuck.

So l made damn sure straight up , any more that 1 kid and ex in the picture, l don't care who she was, l'd keep on walkin right there .

Luckily l discovered there was actually plenty of women out there anyway with no or 1 child so it wasn't a problem at all.

 

The rest of your stuff there on this one is just stuff anyone would hope for in any decent relationship , wish you the best of luck.

Edited February 23, 2019 by chillii