breakup

[feelin'blue&depressed]

my fiance broke up with me after 2 yrs and 5 mons. he cheated on me at a concert he went to while i was out of state. he told me he needs some time to think about what's right for him. the sad part is that i don't want to lose him ever. he says there is a big chance that we will get back together. but i don't want to wait. i can't eat, or sleep. i know in my mind that we are no longer together, but my heart doesn't want to believe it. i've been trying to talk to him, but should i just leave him alone and give him the time to think a little faster. is my trying to talk to him a/b what's happened, going to push him further away? can anyone give me some advice that's been thru what i'm going thru right now. this man is my life, and i would do anything for him. someone w/ a view of what i meand please respond, or just everyone give me some advice.

 

feelin' blue & depressed

[Tony T]

HE cheated on YOU and HE needs time to decide what he wants to do??? Are you just a bit pissed off??? Don't you have a little distrust of him? He may just be wondering why you don't have enough self respect to want to boot him out of your life. He may be extremely puzzled as to why a woman would be so eager to have a two-timing cheater back in her life.

 

I suggest you cease contact with him. His disloyalty was a gift from God, giving you great insight into his morals and integrity. It also gave you an indication of what could be in store for you if you married him.

 

I may not be the smartest person in the world but I know that I want the person I marry to want to marry me more than anything else. I don't want them having to give it a whole lot of thought after 2 1/2 years of being engaged...and I certainly don't want to marry someone who has the inclination to cheat on me...but that's your call.

 

Right now, the way you're carrying on, he can have absolutely no respect for you. He has committed a heinous sin against you and your relationship and you seem to be totally accepting of it. He is baffled. You have also sent him a message that he can cheat in the future and you will welcome him back with open arms. A man cannot love or respect a woman who does not love or respect herself.

 

Wind this thing down, cut contact with him and let him do whatever it is he's needing time for. If you actually consider reinstating your engagement with him, I hope you will do so after some heavy duty thinking.

 

How can this man be your life if he's been so mean to you? You gotta think you deserve a lot better than that. I know all this has been traumatic and a great disappointment to you. The hurt has got to be awful. But stay on your feet here. This is no time to be weak.

 

I hope when you get yourself together you realize just how bad this guy is for you. Right now, you're hurt, depressed and not able to think as clearly as you would normally.

 

I can't believe you aren't mad as hell at him.

[Miss Mojo]

okeedokee.....if you keep trying to get in contact with him because you want to get back together, you are only sending him one message here: "hon, it's ok to be a disrespectful a***hole because i will take you back again...and again....and again".

 

call me naive or call me narrow-minded, but i don't think there is *any* excuse for cheating. i would just as soon break-up with a person if i felt there was even the *slightest* possibility i might cheat on someone. when you truly love another person and respect them, you do not have those sort of desires....well, i'm speaking for myself at least.

 

i couldn't help but notice your comment: "but should i just leave him alone and give him the time to think a little faster"......ummm, don't you think it's YOU who needs the time to think here? you're the one who has been disrespected. it just doesn't make sense that he's the one who needs the time alone for now. what could he possibly be thinking about??? if he really wants to be with you? if he thinks he might do it again? he's obviously got some serious thinking to do about what he wants with you.

 

i hate to say it, but from where i sit, the prognosis does not look too good....but then again, i'm not a psychic, nor am i a mind reader. has this guy said sorry to you? has it made plainly clear that he regrets his actions? does he feel bad he betrayed you or does he feel bad he betrayed himself?

 

you say you don't want to lose him ever....do you think that what you feel more sad about losing is the person you THOUGHT he was? you would never have seen this affair coming on, or else you wouldn't have agreed to marry him (unless you are a huge glutton for punishment). i really do feel that what you're sad about losing is what you have known....not what you have NOW. trust me.....i've been in that situation myself.

 

honestly, i think you'd be doing yourself a favour if you pushed him away. god forbid what could happen if you actually married him.

 

good luck to you, and please don't chase him. you will look like the ultimate sucker if you do.

 

 

p.s. just for the record, i have been cheated on, i tried very hard to put it behind me, but it never left the back of my mind. cheating permanently affects a relationship. his cheating (and a culmination of other things), is what made me dump him after 4 years.....and it was THE BEST decision i ever made.....he betrayed you. he does not deserve your trust (especially considering the fact you are ENGAGED!!!!).

[t]

my fiance broke up with me after 2 yrs and

5 mons. he cheated on me at a concert he went to while i was out of state. he told me he needs some time to think about what's right for him. the sad part is that i don't want to lose him ever. he says there is a big chance that we will get back together. but i don't want to wait. i can't eat, or sleep. i know in my mind that we are no longer together, but my heart doesn't want to believe it. i've been trying to talk to him, but should i just leave him alone and give him the time to think a little faster. is my trying to talk to him a/b what's happened, going to push him further away? can anyone give me some advice that's been thru what i'm going thru right now. this man is my life, and i would do anything for him. someone w/ a view of what i meand please respond, or just everyone give me some advice.

 

feelin' blue & depressed

Drop him and forget about him. No matter what the relationship was like before. He has disrespectful towards you and there is no forgiveness for that. I'd say "see ya".

 

You don't need a relationship full of distrust.

[feelin'blue&depressed]

HE cheated on YOU and HE needs time to decide what he wants to do??? Are you just a bit pissed off??? Don't you have a little distrust of him? He may just be wondering why you don't have enough self respect to want to boot him out of your life. He may be extremely puzzled as to why a woman would be so eager to have a two-timing cheater back in her life. I suggest you cease contact with him. His disloyalty was a gift from God, giving you great insight into his morals and integrity. It also gave you an indication of what could be in store for you if you married him. I may not be the smartest person in the world but I know that I want the person I marry to want to marry me more than anything else. I don't want them having to give it a whole lot of thought after 2 1/2 years of being engaged...and I certainly don't want to marry someone who has the inclination to cheat on me...but that's your call. Right now, the way you're carrying on, he can have absolutely no respect for you. He has committed a heinous sin against you and your relationship and you seem to be totally accepting of it. He is baffled. You have also sent him a message that he can cheat in the future and you will welcome him back with open arms. A man cannot love or respect a woman who does not love or respect herself.

 

Wind this thing down, cut contact with him and let him do whatever it is he's needing time for. If you actually consider reinstating your engagement with him, I hope you will do so after some heavy duty thinking. How can this man be your life if he's been so mean to you? You gotta think you deserve a lot better than that. I know all this has been traumatic and a great disappointment to you. The hurt has got to be awful. But stay on your feet here. This is no time to be weak. I hope when you get yourself together you realize just how bad this guy is for you. Right now, you're hurt, depressed and not able to think as clearly as you would normally. I can't believe you aren't mad as hell at him.

I am mad at him and i am hurt that he did that to me. I just found out that the night he broke up with me he ended up going out with the girl he slept with. so now they are together. he told me that he couldn't just jump out of a relationship with me and then get into a relationship with another girl. he tells me that he does love me in his heart but his mind says he doesn't. I in a way want to be with him again, but i don't want to go thru all the hurt and dissappoint again. if we do get back together, i hope its a long while, when he goes from being a boy to a man. thank you for the advice, i really appreciated it.

[feelin'blue&depressed]

okeedokee.....if you keep trying to get in contact with him because you want to get back together, you are only sending him one message here: "hon, it's ok to be a disrespectful a***hole because i will take you back again...and again....and again". call me naive or call me narrow-minded, but i don't think there is *any* excuse for cheating. i would just as soon break-up with a person if i felt there was even the *slightest* possibility i might cheat on someone. when you truly love another person and respect them, you do not have those sort of desires....well, i'm speaking for myself at least. i couldn't help but notice your comment: "but should i just leave him alone and give him the time to think a little faster"......ummm, don't you think it's YOU who needs the time to think here? you're the one who has been disrespected. it just doesn't make sense that he's the one who needs the time alone for now. what could he possibly be thinking about??? if he really wants to be with you? if he thinks he might do it again? he's obviously got some serious thinking to do about what he wants with you. i hate to say it, but from where i sit, the prognosis does not look too good....but then again, i'm not a psychic, nor am i a mind reader. has this guy said sorry to you? has it made plainly clear that he regrets his actions? does he feel bad he betrayed you or does he feel bad he betrayed himself? you say you don't want to lose him ever....do you think that what you feel more sad about losing is the person you THOUGHT he was? you would never have seen this affair coming on, or else you wouldn't have agreed to marry him (unless you are a huge glutton for punishment). i really do feel that what you're sad about losing is what you have known....not what you have NOW. trust me.....i've been in that situation myself. honestly, i think you'd be doing yourself a favour if you pushed him away. god forbid what could happen if you actually married him. good luck to you, and please don't chase him. you will look like the ultimate sucker if you do. p.s. just for the record, i have been cheated on, i tried very hard to put it behind me, but it never left the back of my mind. cheating permanently affects a relationship. his cheating (and a culmination of other things), is what made me dump him after 4 years.....and it was THE BEST decision i ever made.....he betrayed you. he does not deserve your trust (especially considering the fact you are ENGAGED!!!!).

he's told me that he regrets what he's done, and he says he will for the rest of his life, he says he does feel bad, but he's lied to me so many times its very hard to believe him. i want to belive that he is sorry. i know that he loves me in his heart, he's told me that. i want to take him back and i truly want to be with him again. but i hope if we ever get back together, he'll be a man instead of a boy. the one thing that really got to me was this was the one promise he told me he would never do. i honestly in my heart do not believe that he is sorry, because the night he broke up with me he started going out with the slut he slept with. so in my heart i want to get back with him, but in my mind i don't. thanks for the advice.

[feelin'blue&depressed]

Drop him and forget about him. No matter what the relationship was like before. He has disrespectful towards you and there is no forgiveness for that. I'd say "see ya". You don't need a relationship full of distrust.

thank you for the very truthful advice.