dateme Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 One of my friends is always dating married or taken men. She gets them to break up with their partner then winds up dumping them. This has been going on for like 8 years. Our female friends talk about her behind her back. Is this an issue for women? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 It isn't someone I would keep as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dateme Posted February 21, 2019 Author Share Posted February 21, 2019 (edited) She's my friend. Not my lover. Do you have anything to share about the subject? Edited February 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 You asked if this is an issue for women - and as a woman, I wouldn't maintain a friendship with someone who felt it appropriate to repetitively date married and/or coupled men. As far as I'm concerned, there is something wrong with people that do that and I wouldn't be able to be their friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dateme Posted February 21, 2019 Author Share Posted February 21, 2019 (edited) Ok. Thank you for sharing. Edited February 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 Maybe your friends need to stop talking about her behind her back and tell her to her face that what she is doing is wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dateme Posted February 21, 2019 Author Share Posted February 21, 2019 (edited) I've mentioned it. But the ladies won't. But share where this keeps coming from? It's obviously a pattern. Edited February 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 (edited) She's an angry person, probably hates men and other women and doesn't like to see people happy. Who really cares, though. How long before she goes after your man? Edited February 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dateme Posted February 21, 2019 Author Share Posted February 21, 2019 (edited) I'm a guy who dates women. Edited February 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 It is not uncommon. Your friend is an emotional hostage taker. If she were firebombing churches, she wouldn't be your friend, but firebombing relationships and families is OK with you. Interesting. It would be one thing if she fell in love with one taken man, but repeatedly doing it means there's more to it. She is seeking to punish others because for some reason, she wants to punish herself. Instead of finding an available man, she fished in a pool of taken things. She's like a thief casing a house or store for valuables. She doesn't want to find her own valuables because she only values what other people own. She wants what they have because she doesn't value her own experiences or and wants to experience the power of destroying something. Ironically, she's lacking in self-worth because she believes, deep down, that other people hold all of the power. Taking what they have is her way of feeling better about herself. She shows no shame and lets you and the "ladies" know so that she feels less invisible. Something about her childhood was not right. Perhaps her mommy didn't like her or perhaps her dad liked her too much and it created resentment between her and her mother. I'm not talking about sexual abuse (although that is possible), just the normal messed up dynamics of a mother that also has incredibly low self esteem and wants to compete with her daughter. She couldn't figure out a way to express that frustration with her mother so she uses this behavior to hide the intense fear of abandonment. She is weak, so she hides that weakness by trying to pretend she's strong. And what better way to show that you're strong than to go on a crusade? Things ain't right with your friend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 I've mentioned it. But the ladies won't. But share where this keeps coming from? It's obviously a pattern. She's a woman who is obviously afraid of commitment that is why she goes for MM, taken men and then dumps them when they are free. She likes the chase and when she has them she loses interest. This is not an issue for women in general, just some. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dateme Posted February 21, 2019 Author Share Posted February 21, 2019 (edited) It is not uncommon. Your friend is an emotional hostage taker.<snip> Wow. Good assessment. Her dad was super strict and over protective. He wouldn't let her cuss, dress sexy, drink, date a lot of guys, or get tattoos. Now she does all of that. I never thought of that. Hmmm. Interesting. And she's super insecure. Well we're all going to continue being her friend. Edited February 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author dateme Posted February 21, 2019 Author Share Posted February 21, 2019 She's a woman who is obviously afraid of commitment that is why she goes for MM, taken men and then dumps them when they are free. She likes the chase and when she has them she loses interest. This is not an issue for women in general, just some. That's exactly what it seems like. Once she gets them she's done. She seems to enjoy the courting process and the being in love. Not the actual duties of it. Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainbow Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 This isn't an issue with women in general but an issue with your friend. Plain truth is she is selfish. She may get a high from taking what is not hers to take. She may not stop until she sleeps with the wrong man. I have slept with many men during my marriage, and I could count so many women who have never cheated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 Closest thing to it is a younger friend who was only interested in the men her friends were interested in and she had no ethics about it whatsoever. I honestly think with her at least when it began, she didn't trust her own judgment and so she followed the lead of her friends, but I have cut her out of my life. I put up with it because it didn't get too close to home (actually, it did but I didn't find out until 20 years later) but yup, she's still a poacher in her middle age. I finally cut her out when she started living with my best friend's first husband. Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainbow Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 Wow. Good assessment. Her dad was super strict and over protective. He wouldn't let her cuss, dress sexy, drink, date a lot of guys, or get tattoos. Now she does all of that. I never thought of that. Hmmm. Interesting. And she's super insecure. Well we're all going to continue being her friend. I'd just be careful she doesn't get involved with you or your friend's husbands. When I did attend SAA there was this one woman who sounded a lot like your friend. She was an attention seeker, was attracted married men, slept with them, even had three somes with some of them. It was messed. Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 It isn't someone I would keep as a friend. Exactly! If she a home wrecker, she could turn around and destroy any of your current/future relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 If you mean is this an issue for women, as in would women in general have a problem with being a friend with someone like this, the answer is, in general, yes. Trust is very important in friendships and a woman who repeatedly gets involved with taken men can't be trusted. Plus, it says something about her character and/or her emotional health. Something that likely isn't limited to this particular behavior. As a guy, your friendship with her as a woman is different in nature than same sex friendships. And maybe it's only a casual friendship. So if you want to continue being her friend, that's clearly your choice. But don't be surprised if she betrays your friendship in some way in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
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