Mr. Lucky Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 But daughter has always been messy, like her father. Beyond just untidy. Well, now we know where she learned it. heartbrokenlady, my experience with difficult family situations like yours is that you either find reasons to make it work, or reasons why it can't. You seem to be focused on the latter. Tell your daughter she's got 30 days to find something else and assist as you can with the move. As you've said, it is your house... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbrokenlady Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 Mr. Lucky, I've made no secret of the fact that her moving out isn't possible. No financial help is available from the state or the father. She can't afford to leave yet. My solution has to come from me changing. I've stated that already. Some commenters have made helpful suggestions, such as stepping back, setting boundaries, letting go of control etc. Advice to kick out a woman and a young baby isn't an option when I know she A can't afford to live independently yet and B isn't entitled to government help or housing is ridiculous. Should I see them on the street? Why comment if your idea of help is judgement and no useful advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Things I can't take tho, are her allowing him to scream at night (I've been sleep training him but she isn't in favour) because I have a demanding job and I can't be kept awake half the night by a baby crying. Also the mess. She's very untidy and I can't live in a dirty house. Other than those things, I let other stuff go. I make her contribute to groceries but that's about all she can afford. Ok for these two issues: 1. She needs to be told, plainly, that if the baby is going to be crying at night, she needs to get up and soothe the baby...not just let him cry and wake you when you have to work. She doesn't have to subscribe to 'sleep training' but she DOES have to respect that other people in the house need to wake up to work and bring home money. 2. Since she isn't working and contributing financially, it is her responsibility to shoulder more of the domestic chores. Perhaps make a list of who will do what each day around the house. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 I would imagine a baby who cries half the night would be distressing to all concerned - including the baby. Is the crying literally half the night? If so, has she spoken to the baby clinic/paediatrician? Can she attend a residential facility for new moms to help get sleeping sorted out? If not, what professional advice has she been given? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Why comment if your idea of help is judgement and no useful advice? I'd guess at times, your daughter would ask you the same thing. By your description, she's clearly struggling with difficult circumstances. You might emphasize love and support more than quiet and order. I will step out of your thread. Hope things work out for all of you... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 He pays no child support. She isn't working yet (we moved back to the uk recently). I work full time, but she won't be able to support them yet. It isn't the financial issue, it's more that she and I have a difficult relationship. She feels I was a bad mother and is angry and resentful. I know I wasn't great but don't feel I was as bad as she feels I was. I think she needs to grow up and move on emotionally. She thinks I'm controlling, which I can be but she's living in my home so Have you two thought about doing counseling to help solve the issues together? You two have to make peace with the past and learn to know one another as adults not mom/daughter. The whole dynamic has to change if you both want a better relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 "thinks I'm controlling, which I can be" you are 2 adults sharing a home Link to post Share on other sites
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