Breadcrumbs

[SmashedCrabFace]

No contact with ex girlfriend since before Christmas. Now 2 months later, she has started liking a few of my Facebook posts and trying to comment in the same threads as me on there. The other day, she sent me an empty text message. I didn’t respond to that. It looked like a deliberate accidental text message that was sent because she hoped I would have messaged back to ask what that was for, whereby we may have started a conversation. That’s my guess anyway.

 

Is this because she is having second thoughts now and is trying to feel me out on Facebook before perhaps trying to contact me again directly?

 

I am the dumpee. We broke up 4 months ago.

[Redhead14]

It doesn't matter why she's doing anything . . . what matters is that you are moving on. My advice regarding breadcrumbs is always the same -- don't eat them.

[Highndry]

Trying to guess a person's intentions regarding social media or online habits is a fool's game. Further, if her intentions are to reconnect with you, these "breadcrumbs" as you call them wouldn't even feed an insect. She needs to put forth real effort as the dumper, to not only state her intentions but to regain your trust and earn a second chance, which, IMO, a dumper should never get. Move on.

[SmashedCrabFace]

I agree with everything you said. I wouldn’t want to take her back even if she was to ask for that. I’d love to feel the satisfaction of being able to slam the door in her face if she did. However, I never got any explanation from her about why she broke up with me and I crave the opportunity to one day be able to have a conversation with her to get my closure.

Edited February 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Highndry]

She can't give you closure. I'd argue there really is no such thing. Your ego was bruised and it is what it is. Time will heal that. The best "revenge" if there ever were such thing is silence. It eats women up.

Edited February 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[SmashedCrabFace]

More than anything, I would just like an explanation for why she dropped me. I personally don’t think that’s much to ask for. If I was able to get that it would help me to move on. When you say the best revenge for a woman is silence, how effective would that be if she was seeing someone else. And if she was to respond to me directly on a Facebook post, am I better off just simply ignoring her? I don’t want to seem too cold because she might give up completely. I want to lure her in, whilst not appearing to be too clean. It’s a fine balance.

Edited February 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Olivia_daviss]

It's hard being dumped by someone if you want to lure her back it depends on if you would see her without planning it ie she goes to the same college as you if so you could try to reconnect in person also are you trying to get back together again or are you trying to get an explanation

[Holmes85]

SmashedCrabFace,

 

She's setting a trap for you, don't fall for it. She still wants you to be around if her latest escapades it, it doesn't matter how you look at it, she would be in a win/win situation and she's playing it textbook hard.

 

The things you need to do for your own dignity and well being, please don't question your emotions about her, you are not confused, she's wants you to be confused and she's somewhat succeeding, please do the following NOW:

 

- Don't read too much on anything she says or does at this point, its meaningless after a breakup, especially if it was the dumper who initiated it.

 

- Delete her from your facebook immediately, she doesn't have any right to keep spying on you, she was the one who kicked you out of the relationship by ending it.

 

- Delete or block her number, that way you would have a peace in your mind and would allow you to reflect positively, the more time away from her, the clearer you would see her shady behaviour, right now you are thinking emotionally.

 

I can guarantee you one thing, you not replying back to her and deleting her is going to drive her crazy, also you would get your dignity back by doing this and it would make her question her decision, the longer she hasn't heard from you, the greater her interest is gonna peek.

 

Don't make the mistake of going back to this girl, hopefully by then you have moved to bigger and better things in life. As always its your decision on what you think is the best course for you, but head my words, don't cave into anything she says, don't reply her back.

Edited February 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[SmashedCrabFace]

She might like the idea of putting me on the back burner, as a safety net. However, I don’t think she does see it that way, because as we broke up on bad terms and she got together with someone else (she made reference to that on her Facebook profile), during the first month of the break up, before she unfriended me. She’ll assume that I saw all that stuff, but she doesn’t know for certain as I never reacted to any of it. She might of hoped I’d perhaps lash out which would have given her a huge ego boost. But I played it cool and kept quiet, as if I was unaware or was but didn’t care. So, she’d think that I wouldn’t take her back anyway.

 

All I got on the day of the break up, was a text message saying “It’s over”. So she cut me off without any closing speech.

 

She blocked my number on the day and I blocked hers. She blocked me on 2 other social media platforms, which she has since unblocked me on. I do have an open chanel with her on an Viber as well as Facebook messenger. I don’t want to block her so that it would be difficult for her to ever get in touch with me if she ever wanted to. At the end of the day I’ve got questions that I want answers for.

 

As for her being able to spy on me, that isn’t possible. I don’t put anything on social media about what goes on in my life like others do with theirs. We are both in a small Facebook group together and that’s how we are still in each other’s orbit.

 

I have no intentions of initiating any contact with her. I think she realises this by now anyway. But I feel as though there would only be so much ignoring I could do, before she never tried to communicate with me again. If you wanted to speak to someone and they kept ignoring you, you’d simply give up eventually.

Edited February 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[SmashedCrabFace]

It's hard being dumped by someone if you want to lure her back it depends on if you would see her without planning it ie she goes to the same college as you if so you could try to reconnect in person also are you trying to get back together again or are you trying to get an explanation

 

I am trying to get an explanation from her. Nothing else. A text messaging conversation would be fine. Better still, a phone conversation.

[Marc878]

You are keeping yourself in this for no good purpose. Closure comes from within.

 

Block everything and move on is your best closure.

 

You may not be responding but you're still hanging on her every move.

 

Nothing for you doing that

[Highndry]

Your ego is bruised and you're allowing that to cloud your judgment. Man up and move on. Playing games and trying to "lure" her in so you can dump her as some sort of diabolical retribution is something that a sociopath would do (you hurt me so I'm going to hurt you back). I think that's what Ted Bundy did to his first girlfriend who dumped him, if I recall correctly.

 

Don't even give her the time of day, and move on to a better woman. Remaining stuck in all of these negative emotions and fantasies is not good for you. She's never going to provide you closure. Even if you ever did talk to her and ask her, she'd probably lie. You know why she dumped you? Another guy. It's obvious.

[Olivia_daviss]

She is very unlikely to give you an explanation and even if she does you still won't feel closure

[SmashedCrabFace]

Your ego is bruised and you're allowing that to cloud your judgment. Man up and move on. Playing games and trying to "lure" her in so you can dump her as some sort of diabolical retribution is something that a sociopath would do (you hurt me so I'm going to hurt you back). I think that's what Ted Bundy did to his first girlfriend who dumped him, if I recall correctly.

 

Don't even give her the time of day, and move on to a better woman. Remaining stuck in all of these negative emotions and fantasies is not good for you. She's never going to provide you closure. Even if you ever did talk to her and ask her, she'd probably lie. You know why she dumped you? Another guy. It's obvious.

 

Even if I did get to talk to her and she was to then lie, I would ask further questions if I didn’t think it made sense. Even if she refused to discuss it any further, I’d still know more than I do now.

 

It’s easy for someone else to say ‘She dumped you for someone else’, but my experience with other women shows that when they get involved with someone else, whilst there with you, their behaviour changes. They suddenly want to spend less time with you and they fade out gradually. This is not what happened here. Everything was fine 1 night when we said Goodnight to each other, then the next day, boom, IT’S OVER.

 

By the way, this woman suffers from anxiety and depression and makes impulsive decisions. That’s the last time I get involved with that type! Lesson learned.

[SmashedCrabFace]

She is very unlikely to give you an explanation and even if she does you still won't feel closure

 

Why not. Why is it so hard to give an explanation? If I was to dump someone, I’d always give a reason and be willing to answer any questions.

[Olivia_daviss]

OK but she won't admit why she dumped you because it was probably a hard decision for her and she doesn't want to admit she has a weakness your a good person leave her and move on she dumped you she isn't worth it

[Holmes85]

Let me share something with you, that is very identical to the situation you are in. My ex of 2 years, broke off with me in the miserable way possible, she said "she's not sure, her feelings had changed", while I was trying to cope with the break-up, she within a week got herself a new shiny new bf.

 

She got in touch with me again, to keep as a back burner and insisted he wasn't the reason she broke off with me (like really?) and said "it's bad for what I did, but thats life" at a 20 year of age, she suddenly knows all about life (what a joke), anyways, I said to her that I don't want to be her friend, deleted her off of everything and a absolute year of silence and guess who gets in touch with me.

 

She send me an E-mail asking me to see "how I am doing" of course it was obvious at that point that her relationship after me didn't work out, long story short since I wasn't being receptive, after a week, she again got herself a new boyfriend (again).

 

That relationship of hers lasted about a year too, and out of habit, she got herself a new bf again (what a vicious circle right?), I didn't keep track and because it was irrelevant to me and that was like 3 years ago, basically after my breakup, she had 1 bf each year.

 

It makes zero sense to go back to someone whose like that or treats you like that, I would strongly advice you to delete her off from everywhere, because otherwise the danger of you relapsing is great and you don't want that to happen.

Edited February 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[SmashedCrabFace]

This woman I was involved with, ghosted me to begin with. It wasn’t until after a month where she started communicating with me sporadically. Anyway, a week after the break up, she did a post on Facebook that mentioned that she had been “on a nice lunch date”. Assuming that she was speaking the truth, it sounds like something people do for their 1st date. So it’s possible that before she kicked me to the curb, she had an offer on the table from some other dude. Otherwise, it’s unlikely that she would have just met him randomly in that first week after the break up. I can’t see how Ab eclipse would have been possible, because she wouldn’t have had enough spare time to see someone else whilst she was with me.

 

Over the next 3 weeks, before she unfriended me on Facebook, she was putting up stuff that mentioned her new boyfriend. So I’m guessing that these posts were done mostly for me to see. I didn’t understand why she was doing it, because I hadn’t done anything to deserve this from her. It was as if she was trying to get revenge on me for something, even though I’d never done anything wrong by her. If she was was with someone else, why couldn’t she just keep it quiet from me. What a sick and twisted bitch she is!

 

As I’m not friends with her on any social media platforms, the next step would be to block her. She has multiple Facebook profiles anyway, she’ll make more, so there wouldn’t be any point in doing that.

 

As you said, it makes zero sense to get back with people that are this way, they are toxic. I wouldn’t want to get back with her even if the option was there. I would have thought that she would be thinking in her mind that she has burned her bridges with me, which would mean that if it doesn’t work out for her with other guys, she would not be able to get me back in the future anyway. Unless she thinks I might be a complete sucker and that it could then be possible. Who knows.

 

Interesting psychology going on there. In fact I find it fascinating. That’s why I want to talk to her.

Edited February 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[SmashedCrabFace]

OK but she won't admit why she dumped you because it was probably a hard decision for her and she doesn't want to admit she has a weakness your a good person leave her and move on she dumped you she isn't worth it

 

I still feel compelled to try and get the opportunity to be able to talk to her. Even if she tells me a pack of lies, It’ll be better than nothing.

 

If she is seeing someone still, I doubt NC will be effective. Ultimately it depends on what her interest level in me is at the moment.

 

As I said in my original post, I got an empty text message from her last week. When I say empty, it said “G”. Nothing else. So same thing, an empty text. Obviously she was thinking about me in the moment because she wouldn’t have done it otherwise. So there is some interest there even thought it might only be on the weak side. It could increase or decrease at any time.

 

As you are female, any tips you can give me perhaps?

[SmashedCrabFace]

Has anyone ever been dumped for someone else, only for the dumper to one day return, ask your forgiveness and beg for another chance?

 

Whilst most dumpers who put themselves in that situation, would surely think that if they parted with an ex on bad terms or discarded them in such a brutal way, they’d be thinking that a reconciliation would be impossible and therefore not bother to even attempt it.

 

Or is there any dumpers here who have broken up with someone in such a way, who have ever second doubted their decision and attempted to reconcile with the ex they dumped. Or perhaps wanted to, but didn’t have the guts to try to get them back out of fear of having the door slammed in their face?

[d0nnivain]

I think young dumpers especially mix up nostalgia for a true desire for reconciliation. They miss being in a relationship & having companionship. They may figure somebody is better then nobody so they return to the familiar. As the dumpee I'd be wary of such a person who can do another 180 just as quickly & take off again.

 

Another subset is somebody who had GIGs, They thought a new relationship would be better but then they learned the new person has flaws too & their EX is a better choice. Again the dumpee needs to be cautious against being 2nd choice because the dumper couldn't do any better.

 

It's one thing is the break up was in the heat of the moment & rash things were said. When the dumper calmed down he/she regretted what was said. It's something else altogether if the break up was calculated & now they are back because the new thing didn't work out.

[d0nnivain]

If you were still connected on any social media platform you never implemented NC. Similarly receiving texts from her is not NC.

 

Based on your other thread, these bread crumbs are her looking for an ego boost. She thinks that you are such a door mat that she can like a FB post & have you chasing after her begging for another chance. Whatever you think this is, it's not a real effort at a meaningful reconciliation. She's toying with you.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have never personally asked for another chance with any man I've broken up with, simply because I wasn't interested. However, a dear friend of mine has.

 

She ended it with then then-boyfriend after a couple years because she felt he was largely indifferent toward her and their relationship and she wasn't happy. When she actually became single again, she realized after a couple months she didn't want to be alone. So, she contacted her ex to see if he might be willing to give things another chance.

 

They dated for maybe another year after that, only for her to leave again a serious prospect entered her life. She acknowledged that she hadn't gone back to her ex for the right reasons and let him go for good.

[SophieG]

My ex dumped me (but I was in agreement with this decision) and one month later, decided that « the break » was over. I was like WTF?! Nope, I moved on, I’m not taking you back. He didn’t take it very well, had a fit saying I was heartless, forgetting 4 years of relationship so easily. Even now. After 9 months, he’s still writing to me from time to time... and I never answer.

[SmashedCrabFace]

I think young dumpers especially mix up nostalgia for a true desire for reconciliation. They miss being in a relationship & having companionship. They may figure somebody is better then nobody so they return to the familiar. As the dumpee I'd be wary of such a person who can do another 180 just as quickly & take off again.

 

Another subset is somebody who had GIGs, They thought a new relationship would be better but then they learned the new person has flaws too & their EX is a better choice. Again the dumpee needs to be cautious against being 2nd choice because the dumper couldn't do any better.

 

It's one thing is the break up was in the heat of the moment & rash things were said. When the dumper calmed down he/she regretted what was said. It's something else altogether if the break up was calculated & now they are back because the new thing didn't work out.

 

Do you think for those dumpers who come to the decision later on that they made a mistake, would actually have the nerve to approach the dumpee and see if they’d be forgiven, or would pride stop from doing it?