Is it a toxic relationship?

[AKFS]

I have a friend I've only known for about a year. We were never particularly close but he's a nice person (very quiet but friendly). I'm going to call him R. We have a mutual friend (who is my best friend) and I'm going to call her O.

 

Around 9 months ago, me and O started getting phone calls from R at all hours saying he was in hospital, and we would rightly (as good friends) go and make sure he was ok and ended up driving him around from the hospital, taking him for food, staying on the phone discussing his mental health issues. He informed us he has PTSD and depression. We are also aware that he has hypochrondria (although not sure he knows this). There is never anything medically wrong with him and we have got to a point where his condition is affecting me and O so much, all anxiety attacks we have had recently are related to him.

 

He is very manipulative (I believe this is part of his depression, not his character), needy and demanding. If we tell him we can't cope, he understands and leaves us for a few days. Then it starts again. We are continuously saying no to him because it's making us physically unwell. An example of how demanding he is is asking O to move in with her and her new husband, and when she said no, he asked me the same (I live with my long-term partner). I also said no.

 

Another time he called me continuously throughout the day whilst I was at work and unable to answer (and really didn't want to answer as I could feel my anxiety increasing very quickly). I told him I was at work and couldn't talk and suggested talking to Samaritans. He didn't want to talk to them and continued trying to call me until I said I can't cope as I am in the middle of a family emergency (which is true and he has never asked if I am ok). The following day my mental health was at an all-time low.

 

This is a one way street, he never asks how we are and all conversations surround his issues, no matter how much we try to avoid the topic. I truly believe he needs to stay in an institution until he is ready to face the world as he is spiralling out of control. I don't believe he is suicidal but he has suggested he is. Me and O are at the end of our tether and would like to end the friendship, however we are the only two friends he has got and he has no family. Both of our partners have expressed that we should end the friendship as they can see the negative affect it is having on us. We're finding it very difficult to support him as we cannot reach out to him without exposing ourselves to more phone calls and unreasonable demands. What do we do?

 

 

TLDR: a friend with mental health issues is draining our time, health, patience and money. Is it right to end the friendship?

[MsJayne]

It's sad that he has no one, but there's a reason for that, and you can't help him, only he can do that. Hypochondria is often a secondary condition to other mental health disorder/s and his manipulative trait is another indicator to that. If you want the friendship to end I'd suggest confronting him about the hypochondria, and be stern about it. Exposure and confrontation will either bring about the end of the association or lead to him getting the help he needs. Being kind is good, being gullible is not.