Does dating someone "out of your league" affect future dating choices?

[Tamfana]

One of my kids dated a gorgeous guy only or primarily because he was gorgeous. That particular guy was intellectually and emotionally flat. She learned that she needs an intellectual connection and someone with joie de vivre. It's a classic realization and, I'd think, a common conclusion for people after relationships founded on looks only. Dating is a process in which we learn about ourselves as much as about others.

[hotpotato]

Interesting thought. I've always thought there were more pretty women than handsome men but assumed that bias was a product of my orientation...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'd also say there are more men who are flat out unattractive than women. Most women have at least one thing that's beautiful or sexy about them.

[Orokotikki]

To answer the original post, I think it all comes down to having more confidence.

 

That being said, while I understand and it may be usefully demonstrative to call people a '5' or a '9' (in a forum response), I can't help but wonder if people actually think of others that way (with numbers I mean). It just seems so silly like a grade school thing.

[preraph]

I'm one of those women who were used to smushing on men hotter than her. The thing is there are people like me who will give up sex rather than have it with someone she's not attracted to, but then there are women who just want to be with someone and not on their own and often go down below their own attractiveness for that. So I guess it works out. The only thing that helped me is I found not only guys who were smokin hot hot, but also guys who were very cool smokin hot! So you know, everyone is different and everyone has some flexibility under the right circumstances.

[hotpotato]

Women are built to be pretty and attract a man. Men are built for work. This is why you (just a guess) look hot in your yoga pants and I can pick up heavy crap at the gym.

 

This is one of the most honest answers on ls.

[outwithpeterpan]

This is one of the most honest answers on ls.

 

With the caveat being that I'm not well versed in genetics, it makes sense. Prettiness being a useful trait for men is a very recent phenomenon in the grand scale of things.

 

Whenever I see photos of men in the 19th century (you know, those portraits of a bunch of guys you see in the Ken Burns movies), I'm always struck by how..... ugly they look. Is it just because I live in 2019, and I am imposing a modern standard of beauty onto people in the past? Or were those people in the past applying a relatively static set of criteria (symmetry, proportions), and human beings have actually "gotten prettier"?

[flyboy56]

I'll bite. I've always kept in good shape and was at least average in looks. Women I've been attracted to, or vice/versa, have always been extremely good looking. So, yes I was dating "above my pay grade". Without exception, they were all problematic, albeit in different ways. Some of these relationships lasted months, others years, but misery was always waiting around the next corner. I'm 62 now, single after a long marriage, and still in great shape. I've used OLD to meet a few people. Just like in the past, the best looking ones always came with issues. The more average ones (subjective of course) seemed more normal. At this point in my life, wanting to be married again and avoid a mistake, I struggle with this issue. Perhaps having a beauty helps my self esteem, which was always lacking. I go to therapy once a week and I work on that.

[Mr. Lucky]

Perhaps having a beauty helps my self esteem, which was always lacking. I go to therapy once a week and I work on that.

 

I've married primarily for "hotness" and I've married primarily for "goodness", and the latter easily wins out. Beauty is fleeting, character is not...

 

Mr. Lucky