inami Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 Yeah I admit he was always the one chasing me and coming after me until he didn't because of the fights. Then the roles reversed. Then I contacted him again first he asked "how it was going with the guy I was dating" (pic w/ me and my guy cousin) why is it his concern. He went on to say how he's closed our chapter and that now he has no feelings whatsoever but that "we both know that you are regretting not being with me. You are and have been head over heels for me. That's the fact. You can say whatever you want." Why is he insisting this? Also, a little context he's 33 and i'm 26, and he said form the beginning he was looking for a wife, and given our armenian traditions he wanted to marry a virgin which I was. Anyway, relationship lasted about 3 months. We had constant fights but he always tried to make up with me but ended up giving up eventually. Although he accepts that before he was head over heels for me, he says now he has no feelings for me. If he truly was genuinely head over heels for me how can he not have feelings for me anymore? Could it all have been a sham, though he never asked me to sleep with him.His behavior is so confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 It sounds like he is trying to convince himself that he "won," or that the failure of the relationship threatens his ego. Convincing himself (or you) that you love him even though it's over eases the pain a bit. It's a little pathetic when you think about it. Sometimes if the "chemistry" is poor and things don't work out, the best thing to do is not worry too much about what the other person may be saying or doing. It's just a distraction from the process of moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 Because he's delusional 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 He went on to say how he's closed our chapter and that now he has no feelings whatsoever but that "we both know that you are regretting not being with me. You are and have been head over heels for me. That's the fact. You can say whatever you want." Why is he insisting this? Because he's an egomaniac and a hothead. This comment isn't actually about you; it's all about him. Ew. His attitude would be my confirmation that the break-up is for the best. This guy's head is too far up his own arse to ever make a decent partner. Mature, rational men don't say things like this. Remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 Yeah I admit he was always the one chasing me and coming after me until he didn't because of the fights. Then the roles reversed. Then I contacted him again first he asked "how it was going with the guy I was dating" (pic w/ me and my guy cousin) why is it his concern. He went on to say how he's closed our chapter and that now he has no feelings whatsoever but that "we both know that you are regretting not being with me. You are and have been head over heels for me. That's the fact. You can say whatever you want." Why is he insisting this? Also, a little context he's 33 and i'm 26, and he said form the beginning he was looking for a wife, and given our armenian traditions he wanted to marry a virgin which I was. Anyway, relationship lasted about 3 months. We had constant fights but he always tried to make up with me but ended up giving up eventually. Although he accepts that before he was head over heels for me, he says now he has no feelings for me. If he truly was genuinely head over heels for me how can he not have feelings for me anymore? Could it all have been a sham, though he never asked me to sleep with him.If he truly doesn't care why does he ask about who it was in the picture? Why the blocking although he denies it. And why does he instantly respond to my texts when I text him?? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 If he truly was genuinely head over heels for me how can he not have feelings for me anymore? Could it all have been a sham, though he never asked me to sleep with him.If he truly doesn't care why does he ask about who it was in the picture? Why the blocking although he denies it. And why does he instantly respond to my texts when I text him?? As mentioned in my response up-thread, he sounds ego-driven. He likes the attention he gets from you, but he doesn't appear to have much respect for you at all. You need to learn to recognize unhealthy behaviour when you see it, and walk away from it. What are you doing trying to get back with him anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 He's a very self absorbed person who always needs to win. He was insisting that his wife be a virgin, even though he probably isn't one, because he doesn't want her to have anybody to compare him to. That is part of why he was so jealous & snide regarding the picture with your cousin. He is claiming that he knows how you feel better then you do because he is controlling. Also as somebody else pointed out, because he needs to convince himself he "won" since you called him. All in all he's not a stable, nice person. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 Yeah I admit he was always the one chasing me and coming after me until he didn't because of the fights. Then the roles reversed. Then I contacted him again first he asked "how it was going with the guy I was dating" (pic w/ me and my guy cousin) why is it his concern. He went on to say how he's closed our chapter and that now he has no feelings whatsoever but that "we both know that you are regretting not being with me. You are and have been head over heels for me. That's the fact. You can say whatever you want." Why is he insisting this? Also, a little context he's 33 and i'm 26, and he said form the beginning he was looking for a wife, and given our armenian traditions he wanted to marry a virgin which I was. Anyway, relationship lasted about 3 months. We had constant fights but he always tried to make up with me but ended up giving up eventually. Although he accepts that before he was head over heels for me, he says now he has no feelings for me. If he truly was genuinely head over heels for me how can he not have feelings for me anymore? Could it all have been a sham, though he never asked me to sleep with him.His behavior is so confusing. Did you post this story before under a different username? Sounds too familiar. He was fed up with the fighting as anyone would be regardless of feelings. Too early to be attached or invested enough to put up with all that drama. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 27, 2019 Author Share Posted February 27, 2019 I'm wondering if this is possible? How could a guy be head over heels, constantly texting, wanting the relationship, making up after the constant fights then just altogether give up? I ask because I was with my ex bf for about 3 months and we fought a lot but I felt passion since he'd say how can you love someone and walk away that easily and he'd make up with me and we'd get back together. I always got back together with him. I contacted him when he stopped attempts altogether and he gave me a chance a couple of time but it felt like his heart wasn't truly in it. Then just cold wouldn't give me a chance anymore. Was whenever truly head over heels for me? I asked he said "yes at one point in time, I was but for the longest time, nothing, no feelings whatsoever. How can a guy who was truly head over heels just not want to try again after many months has passed and the negatives should be forgotten if he was so crazily head over heels no? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 (edited) Because just like your thoughts and feelings evolve and are NOT stuck and fixed at one point in time, neither are his. People change their minds, gather enough information and opinions where they sometimes come to the conclusion that something is not worth it to them. Or won't work, isn't fun, good. Um, fights &you asked him for "second chances"? That i don't recommend at all. To me, as you are describing it in this post it sounds like you are chasing him and throwing yourself at him. And sometimes he allows it. The "new" feeling is long over where he was open to what it might be like to be with you. Now he has formed an opinion and it has at least as many unfavorable aspects as favorable. Not good. Edited February 27, 2019 by Versacehottie 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 27, 2019 Author Share Posted February 27, 2019 After al this time I posted a pic with my guy cousin and when I contacted him this last time he was like how's it going with that one guy you're dating? I was like what guy he said there was a guy you were with around new years the you posted on whatsapp. I thought apparently if he cares enough to watch what i'm doing he must be interested. And to say after I had posted that pic he had blocked me and when I noticed he had unblocked me is when I messaged him. I said you could just ask not block me based on assumption he denies it, He went on to say like oh i might've been out of the country that's why but lies because his online status was showing when I tried checking with my mom's phone to see if he had truly blocked me. So if he has no feelings left, and not even 1/100 of the feelings he had why does he bother asking, why did he respond instantly when I text him etc Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 Was whenever truly head over heels for me? I asked he said "yes at one point in time, I was but for the longest time, nothing, no feelings whatsoever. How can a guy who was truly head over heels just not want to try again after many months has passed and the negatives should be forgotten if he was so crazily head over heels no? Because your relationship sounds ridiculously unhealthy and lacking in anything resembling true love. I don't think he was truly head over heels if you two had this many problems so early on. You're confusing lust for love. They're very different.Where did you get the idea that this what love looks like, OP? You keep opening new threads and asking essentially the same questions. Are we not answering them the way you hoped? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 3 months, 90 days, is a very short period of time Your relationship was much too new & fragile to have passion, let alone love. All that drama & the fights was a gigantic neon flashing red sign that it was not working. The idea that you broke up more then once is oh so troubling. In a good healthy relationship none of that up & down happens. So although the guy may have initially been keen to have a relationship the drama eventually showed him that this relationship was not working & it was not worth his effort. You want smooth sailing in the beginning. Anything else especially what you describe is unhealthy. Given the short period of time you were together you didn't have sufficient roots to weather the tempest you seem to have created. Drama, fights & jealousy are not signs that the other person cares. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 27, 2019 Author Share Posted February 27, 2019 Because your relationship sounds ridiculously unhealthy and lacking in anything resembling true love. I don't think he was truly head over heels if you two had this many problems so early on. You're confusing lust for love. They're very different.Where did you get the idea that this what love looks like, OP? You keep opening new threads and asking essentially the same questions. Are we not answering them the way you hoped? You don't think he truly liked me and was truly head over heels for me? Then why did he cry for me? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 You don't think he truly liked me and was truly head over heels for me? Then why did he cry for me? Respectively: Not head over heels, no. And because he knew it would sucker you in a little longer. It absolutely worked. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 Now you know why no contact with ex's is a good strategy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 27, 2019 Author Share Posted February 27, 2019 3 months, 90 days, is a very short period of time Your relationship was much too new & fragile to have passion, let alone love. All that drama & the fights was a gigantic neon flashing red sign that it was not working. The idea that you broke up more then once is oh so troubling. In a good healthy relationship none of that up & down happens. So although the guy may have initially been keen to have a relationship the drama eventually showed him that this relationship was not working & it was not worth his effort. You want smooth sailing in the beginning. Anything else especially what you describe is unhealthy. Given the short period of time you were together you didn't have sufficient roots to weather the tempest you seem to have created. Drama, fights & jealousy are not signs that the other person cares. Hm someone above said he wasn't truly head over heels if we had problems that early on. DO you think this is the case? As in if he truly was head over heels for me he would ignore any fights or arguments and not fight then make up with me? That's what he told me when I asked how did you truly love me if you gave up. He said well your words and actions did a lot of permanent damage. (shouldn't be in the case of love and really liking someone) he I said but if you love someone wouldn't you try to work it out? he said not if she continues talking to you the same way nonstop. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Just because a person may have been head over heels at one point doesn't mean they will forever remain that way... Idk, why that is hard for people to understand. Your feelings may still be strong but his may not be anything anymore 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 I agree. A 12 week relationship isn't "falling head over heels." It's more like stubbing your toe. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
David33 Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 He sounds narcissistic and controlling. That's a scary combination. I would stay away from a person like that. GL Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 28, 2019 Author Share Posted February 28, 2019 I agree. A 12 week relationship isn't "falling head over heels." It's more like stubbing your toe. So you're saying it takes much longer for someone to be head over heels? Why couldn't it be? He was constantly texting me, cried for me when I was breaking up with him etc. What it was an act? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 So you're saying it takes much longer for someone to be head over heels? Why couldn't it be? He was constantly texting me, cried for me when I was breaking up with him etc. What it was an act? He may have had strong feelings, but it wasn't love, it was infatuation. Love is what's left when all those 'feel good' chemicals die down. And don't forget that he is now acting delusional, so perhaps he wasn't particularly stable when you were together anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 28, 2019 Author Share Posted February 28, 2019 He may have had strong feelings, but it wasn't love, it was infatuation. Love is what's left when all those 'feel good' chemicals die down. And don't forget that he is now acting delusional, so perhaps he wasn't particularly stable when you were together anyway. Why do you say he's now acting delusional? You think he still cares and is lying? Also, I don't understand if he doesn't have feelings for me anymore and if he has someone else, why does he still have me as a contact in whatsapp to even look at my photo and see a pic with a guy then later to block me for a month, then unblock, then ask me about "the guy I'm dating where there was a pic of us two on whatsapp" Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Hm someone above said he wasn't truly head over heels if we had problems that early on. DO you think this is the case? As in if he truly was head over heels for me he would ignore any fights or arguments and not fight then make up with me? The early part of many relationships is full of strong emotions. It's very easy to get obsessed with the person early on, but the feelings are quite shallow since it's basically lust at that point. There are definitely feelings of desire and happiness when you're with the person, but it's not a deep appreciation of them since it takes a long time to really get to know someone. Just because you feel "head over heels" for someone one day doesn't make it forever - that's especially true early in a relationship. People eventually find things that annoy them, they realise their partner isn't the person they thought they were, and that they were simply in it for looks or status or whatever else they find attractive. So the feelings aren't as strong. My point is that you can't say what you had was a sham just because he's not putting in any effort now. What you had was real... but the lack of interest now is also real. But in previous posts it seems like he's telling you how you should feel... that's for you to decide and no-one else. He's just ego tripping to try and feel like he's won. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 28, 2019 Author Share Posted February 28, 2019 The early part of many relationships is full of strong emotions. It's very easy to get obsessed with the person early on, but the feelings are quite shallow since it's basically lust at that point. There are definitely feelings of desire and happiness when you're with the person, but it's not a deep appreciation of them since it takes a long time to really get to know someone. Just because you feel "head over heels" for someone one day doesn't make it forever - that's especially true early in a relationship. People eventually find things that annoy them, they realise their partner isn't the person they thought they were, and that they were simply in it for looks or status or whatever else they find attractive. So the feelings aren't as strong. My point is that you can't say what you had was a sham just because he's not putting in any effort now. What you had was real... but the lack of interest now is also real. But in previous posts it seems like he's telling you how you should feel... that's for you to decide and no-one else. He's just ego tripping to try and feel like he's won. Yeah you're right i just thought if a person was head over heels he wouldn't be able to deny getting back together now or having feelings now.But I guess he was obsessed with the thought of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts