Author inami Posted February 28, 2019 Author Share Posted February 28, 2019 The early part of many relationships is full of strong emotions. It's very easy to get obsessed with the person early on, but the feelings are quite shallow since it's basically lust at that point. There are definitely feelings of desire and happiness when you're with the person, but it's not a deep appreciation of them since it takes a long time to really get to know someone. Just because you feel "head over heels" for someone one day doesn't make it forever - that's especially true early in a relationship. People eventually find things that annoy them, they realise their partner isn't the person they thought they were, and that they were simply in it for looks or status or whatever else they find attractive. So the feelings aren't as strong. My point is that you can't say what you had was a sham just because he's not putting in any effort now. What you had was real... but the lack of interest now is also real. But in previous posts it seems like he's telling you how you should feel... that's for you to decide and no-one else. He's just ego tripping to try and feel like he's won. Also, if he truly doesn't have feelings why does he have me in his whatsapp contacts to watch me, look at my pics then ask about it later let alone block then unblock me. Also, since the last convo since i insisted he loved me from calling me blocked, he blocked my phone number only but not on other messengers Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Yeah you're right i just thought if a person was head over heels he wouldn't be able to deny getting back together now or having feelings now.But I guess he was obsessed with the thought of me. Where did you get this idea? I don't mean to be unkind, but have you dated much before this? This isn't what a mature relationship looks like. What you have here is juvenile drama. His behaviour is how teenaged boys act, not men in their 30s. This is why I question if perhaps you don't have much dating experience and thus have little to compare this to and help you understand how unsustainable this has always been. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Why do you say he's now acting delusional? You think he still cares and is lying? Also, I don't understand if he doesn't have feelings for me anymore and if he has someone else, why does he still have me as a contact in whatsapp to even look at my photo and see a pic with a guy then later to block me for a month, then unblock, then ask me about "the guy I'm dating where there was a pic of us two on whatsapp" I say he's delusional because he says that you still love him. Unless it's true that you still love him....in which case I have to withdraw the word. I guess I assumed that you wouldn't be wasting your time loving such a conceited nob. Nobody can say why he blocks and unblocks you on whatsapp. People do stuff which doesn't make sense all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 When it starts too fast & feels so intense, that is unsustainable. It's also a hallmark of people who blow through short relationships. He likes falling "in love" that initial heady dizzying feeling but he has no idea how to do the work to keep a healthy relationship together, & neither do you. He keeps you connected because it's a power trip ego boost. He likes knowing you are twirling on the end of his string, longing to have him back, Wondering what happened & eagerly waiting with open arms. He won't cut this cord. You have to, for your own sanity Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 The early part of many relationships is full of strong emotions. It's very easy to get obsessed with the person early on, but the feelings are quite shallow since it's basically lust at that point. There are definitely feelings of desire and happiness when you're with the person, but it's not a deep appreciation of them since it takes a long time to really get to know someone. Yeah I remember when I was young I would be head over heels for them in week 1 and by week 5 I could care less. That is not love only infatuation. A lot of people confuse the two. Also he probably has more women than just you on whatsapp. That means nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 I feel like two people were obsessed. Maybe him with you in infatuation at the beginning and you now with him. It really feels like you should start with the concept that people's feelings change, aren't black and white and are not stuck at one point in time. That's a reality check. Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 So you're saying it takes much longer for someone to be head over heels? Why couldn't it be? He was constantly texting me, cried for me when I was breaking up with him etc. What it was an act? It's not an act, it's just childish. That's the nature of infatuation. My kids would play with an empty card board box like it was the greatest gift in the world. Then, 12 weeks later they'd be over it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 28, 2019 Author Share Posted February 28, 2019 It's not an act, it's just childish. That's the nature of infatuation. My kids would play with an empty card board box like it was the greatest gift in the world. Then, 12 weeks later they'd be over it. Well i think he got fed up with the arguments and fights and gave up but I don't think he didn't truly like me and was crazy about me. He's said this time and time again, and during fights I could feel his anger to the point he cried. You don't do that if you're just whatever about someone. But i guess got sick and tired of it like he told me.But just wasn't meant to be I guess idk Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Well i think he got fed up with the arguments and fights and gave up but I don't think he didn't truly like me and was crazy about me. He's said this time and time again, and during fights I could feel his anger to the point he cried. You don't do that if you're just whatever about someone. But i guess got sick and tired of it like he told me.But just wasn't meant to be I guess idk When people are expressing their most narcissistic side it's not unusual to see anger and tears of frustration together. It's what we all did when we were two or three years old. If anything, I think each of you is madly in love with being right. There are a lot of good relationships built on the premise: "When I'm wrong I admit it, and when I'm right I just shut the f** up." Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Well i think he got fed up with the arguments and fights and gave up but I don't think he didn't truly like me and was crazy about me. He's said this time and time again, and during fights I could feel his anger to the point he cried. You don't do that if you're just whatever about someone. But i guess got sick and tired of it like he told me.But just wasn't meant to be I guess idk Please don't be taken in by his crying. There's a lot of that going on these days - why? because it works, especially with women. They see tears and think this is a sign of love. No it's a sign of a person who is trying to get their way. As a matter of fact I view crying as a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 He's got to have that validation that you still want him, even if he has to make it up, which I now doubt since you are so worried about it. He doesn't sound like a nice person, an older guy wanting a virgin, and now you're broken up, he's still monitoring you and trying to gaslight and brainwash you. Why on earth haven't you blocked him on everything. Wash this guy out of your life! He may not even know what love is. Wanting to own someone is not love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 28, 2019 Author Share Posted February 28, 2019 He's got to have that validation that you still want him, even if he has to make it up, which I now doubt since you are so worried about it. He doesn't sound like a nice person, an older guy wanting a virgin, and now you're broken up, he's still monitoring you and trying to gaslight and brainwash you. Why on earth haven't you blocked him on everything. Wash this guy out of your life! He may not even know what love is. Wanting to own someone is not love. Exactly! He's gas lighting me about blocking me because he doesn't want to admit he was affected by it. So if he truly didn't have feelings for me why would he block me? Also, why wouldn't he answer me when I asked if left the country to get married? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 He's not good, so block that idiot and be done with him and stop wasting your brain on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 28, 2019 Author Share Posted February 28, 2019 He's not good, so block that idiot and be done with him and stop wasting your brain on him. I agree. But honestly, if he truly had no hope of wanting me back or having any feelings he wouldn't block me right nor ask about the guy? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 I agree. But honestly, if he truly had no hope of wanting me back or having any feelings he wouldn't block me right nor ask about the guy? This has already been answered. I know you want us to tell you he is still head over heels for you, and you want to believe he loves you. But even if it were true, what would that change? You two are still toxic together and won't wind up Happily Ever After. I guarantee you won't hear from him anymore once he finds a new woman to latch on to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted February 28, 2019 Author Share Posted February 28, 2019 This has already been answered. I know you want us to tell you he is still head over heels for you, and you want to believe he loves you. But even if it were true, what would that change? You two are still toxic together and won't wind up Happily Ever After. I guarantee you won't hear from him anymore once he finds a new woman to latch on to. When he was insisting I loved him still I insisted he did since he was asking about th new guy, blocking and unblocking etc where he felt the need that apparently he had feelings of smeone and it wasn't me. LMAO although I was the one who contacted him, he hasn't contacted me, if he didn't care why follow me to see what guy is in my picture then ask me, then block me. After this convo he said it's now time to block me for good but he only blocked me on his phone as opposed to when he saw the pic and blocked me everywhere. If someone was blocking someone for good and had someone else i assume he'd block them everywhere Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 I agree. But honestly, if he truly had no hope of wanting me back or having any feelings he wouldn't block me right nor ask about the guy? He's blocking you because he doesn't want to hear from you. He's NC. and you should block him too. Why haven't you? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Also, why wouldn't he answer me when I asked if left the country to get married? Because he felt like ignoring you. Why are you choosing to keep all this drama in your life? How about just removing him on all platforms and being done with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted March 1, 2019 Author Share Posted March 1, 2019 Because he felt like ignoring you. Why are you choosing to keep all this drama in your life? How about just removing him on all platforms and being done with it. I'm not saying he ignore the question, i'm saying he wouldn't say yes or no he jus kept saying it's personal. What i'm saying is is truly didn't have feelings why would you monitor what picture i have on my messenger then when I contact him ask how it's going with "the guy i'm dating" Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 1, 2019 Share Posted March 1, 2019 I think you aren't being honest with yourself. If there's some business going on where he is "leaving the country to get married", it surely seems like you are not accepting reality. By the tone of your responses on this thread, i think you are not facing the truth. You sound like you are latching onto little things such as the meaning of what's app blocking, unblocking and his past behavior to project what is going on now. It's very simple: what's going on now is that he doesn't want to talk to you or date you anymore. If the way you have pursued this thread is similar to how you are dealing with conversations and monitoring what he is doing with him, then I can see why his feelings might change. You seem to get really "stuck". So you are not quite dealing with things rationally or normally IMO. What I'm saying has nothing to do with him--he may or may not be an a**hole, narcissist or whatever--but for sure how you are processing what is going on between you is not normal. IMO you are acting like you have obsessive thoughts and stuck in loop in your head. Sometimes you just can't figure out "why" someone does something but a rational person accepts it and deals with the rest of their life. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted March 1, 2019 Author Share Posted March 1, 2019 I think you aren't being honest with yourself. If there's some business going on where he is "leaving the country to get married", it surely seems like you are not accepting reality. By the tone of your responses on this thread, i think you are not facing the truth. You sound like you are latching onto little things such as the meaning of what's app blocking, unblocking and his past behavior to project what is going on now. It's very simple: what's going on now is that he doesn't want to talk to you or date you anymore. If the way you have pursued this thread is similar to how you are dealing with conversations and monitoring what he is doing with him, then I can see why his feelings might change. You seem to get really "stuck". So you are not quite dealing with things rationally or normally IMO. What I'm saying has nothing to do with him--he may or may not be an a**hole, narcissist or whatever--but for sure how you are processing what is going on between you is not normal. IMO you are acting like you have obsessive thoughts and stuck in loop in your head. Sometimes you just can't figure out "why" someone does something but a rational person accepts it and deals with the rest of their life. Good luck The blocking isn't past behavior its recent behavior in the past month where he blocked me in january and unblocked in february. idk if he's getting married he said he was out of the country i asked to bring a girl? he said to bring a girl? no. Then I asked if he went to see a girl or got married and he kept saying it's personal. He wouldn't say yes or no to the question if he's married which is odd. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 1, 2019 Share Posted March 1, 2019 No, what's odd is that you keep riding this silly merry-go-round with him in the first place. It's not going anywhere, OP. The sooner you pry yourself out of denial, the sooner you will move on. You're wasting your time obsessing over him. Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted March 1, 2019 Share Posted March 1, 2019 Sometimes in relationships, there are just no real rational reason to things. He may not even know why himself. People stalk people's profile pics in whatsaspp all the time, it does not necessarily mean that they are still in love or interested. Him asking you about your guy friend doesn't mean anything either. Maybe he is just nosy, maybe this maybe that. There really is no point in trying to make sense out of this. There can be many reasons why someone would change their minds about a relationship, whether it was a very intense love or just a passive one. But one thing for sure though is he now doesn't want to continue with the relationship anymore and that's all you need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 He's hurt and trying to convince himself he never felt anything for you but you were madly in love with him. The pain of a breakup is such that people try to justify things to themselves like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inami Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 He's hurt and trying to convince himself he never felt anything for you but you were madly in love with him. The pain of a breakup is such that people try to justify things to themselves like this. Does it seem to you like he truly doesn't have feelings for me? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts