The difference between..

[boytrouble]

I am not exactly sure if I should be asking this question here

but I was wondering what is the difference between saying

(during break up or after trying to beg/plead etc.. before eventually

going into No Contact)

 

"I don't agree with the break up but I wish you all the best.

If you ever change your mind gimme a call"

 

or as it was in my recent case

 

"I guess I should disappear.

If you ever need anything/help call me.

I won't bother you anymore"

 

Does it actually matter what you say before going into No Contact

or No Contact just does the 'dirty' work eventually and

you end up with a 'clean sheet' once she moves on from the RELIEF period?

 

I am not asking out of hope to get her back but I am just curious as

I recently started to re-educate myself on the dating-topics as is listening to dating advice/coaches

reading in the forum.. never really found anything on that so I was just curious

[ExpatInItaly]

In my experience when I've been the dumper, no, it really doesn't matter.

 

If the relationship is well and truly over for the person ending it, the words the dumpee uses after the fact don't change the bottom line.

[preraph]

No. Most women hate confrontation so badly that they have already checked out emotionally and moved on before they either ghost you or break up with you. It's done.

[Lexbaby]

I would say “you’re right”, and immediately disconnect.

 

Remember what you don’t know won’t hurt you.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think it matters. Both boil down to somebody doesn't want drama.

 

There is no "not agreeing" with a break up. Once somebody expresses a desire to get out, that is it.

[boytrouble]

I just went through Coach Corey Wayne's "7 Principles To Get An Ex Back"

 

What hit me was that he actually give great attention to the fact that you

MUST communicate that you don't like the current situation and you wish

for the two of you to remain together not accepting the friendship-low ball.

 

BUT that made me thinking, maybe there is a difference as in the first case

you clearly communicate that you don't want friendship but you wish for

the other person to come back if they change their mind..

 

as with the other it comes more likely to

"I don't wish to have anything to do with you and I will just move on..

yet if you still need something gimme a call"

 

I don't know.. maybe I over analyze this anyhow

but in my case it was a weird, strange and overall not that 'bad' of a breakup

as I didn't manage to get her "angry" or "annoyed" with me before I entered NC

[BC1980]

I think you're over-analyzing this. If someone breaks up with you, they don't care enough to worry about what this stuff means. They just want to move on.

[boytrouble]

I had a post about the break up itself

(if someone is curious to read through drama)

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/677171-wondering-if-ended-right-way

 

The point is.

After getting through my first contact with Coach Wayne's How to be a 3% Man

I realized that I messed up beyond repair (in my mind) and I even managed to

mess up the break by coming out with a 36 phone-slide pages of document..

which I have described there and insisting for her to hear me read it first before we discuss it.

On one note I've said what I wanted.

On another I came out fully loaded with FEMININE energy (like 36 pages dude) talking about feelings and emotions while she just stays there trying to not get angry and accept how and why I feel the way I feel before eventually when I finished and I calmed down, the talking over it with my ex-gf ended with me back in my "center" as I came to realize after reading the book.

 

That's why I felt confident again and didn't give a **** if we will argue or not.

 

But the fact that I reached out two times before eventually saying "I won't bother you anymore" and going fully into NC is eating my alive.

Even then I think I came out as weak and I hate my guts for that.. because I know that if she ever gets an idea of us getting back together

those "36 pages" will haunt her hard... can't believe I was so stupid

 

There is no way you can forget at least 2 months out of 6 containing

needy/clingy behavior; off "centered" attitude; feminine traits; her knowing almost everything about me and me just being "okay, let's do it your way"..

Edited February 28, 2019 by boytrouble

[ExpatInItaly]

Dude, you just need to let it go.

 

You're getting yourself mixed up in break-up "guru" mumbo jumbo, when really, it's not that complicated. Your ex isn't sitting there thinking, "Man, that guy has way too much feminine energy!"

 

She's sitting there thinking she ended it for a reason. Might she think you were over the top? Sure. Does it change the outcome? No, not really.

[boytrouble]

Dude, you just need to let it go.

 

You're getting yourself mixed up in break-up "guru" mumbo jumbo, when really, it's not that complicated. Your ex isn't sitting there thinking, "Man, that guy has way too much feminine energy!"

 

She's sitting there thinking she ended it for a reason. Might she think you were over the top? Sure. Does it change the outcome? No, not really.

 

I totally agree and I know that I can't keep being hard on myself for something that I wasn't aware of before and that is 'finished' for the moment.

 

I can only trully move on with my life knowing and accepting what I've come to understand so far.

 

Everything I've learned comes to that. Women are responders.. but we are both human beings and each human being is complex and different from the other.

I can't say for sure that she may decide to NOT come back or decide TO come back.

 

The problem is that it's been 13 days since I last saw her or heard from her.

I know it takes time to let go and accept things it's just that my feelings are pushing me to believe that she may come back while my logic says otherwise. (from my remembering all her ex-es usually keep reaching out to her occassionally even though they've both moved on and she just not being the type of person who comes back)

 

To some extent I trully feel that I've lost the 'love of my life' and that I will never be able to be as open as I was with her, yet I know that without knowing (even the little) of what I do now (and what I will probably reciprocate as time goes forward) there was not much of chance for me to actually be able to keep up with the relationship any longer. It just got way..way over "salvage point"

 

I'm sorry for sharing this, I know you are all trying to be supportive and helpful and make me think that I should get my **** together and move on

do what I must do.. achieve my life goals and everything

She wasn't perfect but I was happy to be with her.

 

It's just that I feel so disappointed. That's the best way I can describe the feeling and the occasional depression episodes I get

[d0nnivain]

Corey Wayne didn't write a cookbook. You are not supposed to follow him or any other PUA like a recipe. You are supposed to learn to exhibit self confidence.

 

Feminine energy is STRONG energy. There is not a man alive who could endure childbirth because it's too painful. So never again say feminine energy to mean something less then. It's insulting & wrong.

 

Now that 36 page whatever you sent was not your finest moment for sure. But here's the thing: You tried. You didn't go meekly into the night & fade away. You tried to fight for what you wanted. Unfortunately your EX wanted out & Break ups always default to the one who wants to leave.

 

Whatever happened with her, happened. It's over. You are broken up & she's not coming back. Now what you have to do is figure out what the life lessons for you are, learn from them, & be better in your next relationship.