why is my ex so different?

[realmess]

she broke up with me 5 months ago. i tried hard to get her back the first few months, did all the things i shouldnt of done like cried and begged.

 

her reasons for the breakup were unclear. she gave me a number of reasons.

 

the big one was because we were always arguing, but it was wierd , more like gaslighting. she would come home and pick fights with me, i kept my cool for aslong as i could, even tried to talk to her about why shes angry but she would just push me away. and say " i already told you but you dont listen".

 

she never ever told me why in every arguement. example. she would say "you never do the laundry" id say yes i did, shed check and see that its done "you never did the dishes" yes i did , and then id get a , wow actually did it for once. every single time.

 

she wasnt always like that, she just started changing and turning against me when she started hanging out with certain friends again. anyways she broke up and ive been so stressed out i feel like im going to have a stroke. my head is dizzy, my ex completely cut me out of her life. she wont talk to me anymore at all. she acts cold. heartless, distant. like someone i dont even know.

 

she never once said she misses me. she just screamed and said "im done". i begged her to try and do councelling , everything.

 

then she said, i know you want our family back together, but its just not what i want anymore. she even compared me to other couples and relationships and says she sees everyone so happy but shes not.

 

i literly did everything i could for that girl day in day out. to the point where everytime id get all her tasks done. she would keep adding another one to so that i would eventually not beable to do it and she would have a reason to be upset.

 

i dont know what happend really, she was obviously looking for a way out, why i dont know, maybe because she thought the single life would be better?

 

either way, i got the ****ty end of the stick. living at my moms house for now. man this sucks.

[ExpatInItaly]

she wasnt always like that, she just started changing and turning against me when she started hanging out with certain friends again. anyways she broke up and ive been so stressed out i feel like im going to have a stroke. my head is dizzy, my ex completely cut me out of her life. she wont talk to me anymore at all. she acts cold. heartless, distant. like someone i dont even know.

 

Which friends are these? Is it possible she started seeing someone else around that time, perhaps one of those old friends?

[realmess]

Which friends are these? Is it possible she started seeing someone else around that time, perhaps one of those old friends?

 

possibly, my ex left me years ago for someone else, i took her back, since then we started a family and she gave me the whole you dont know what you have until its gone speech. she started being an instagram hog, going on it till midnight , getting notifications everyday. started hangning out with friends all the time, stopped showing interest in me.

 

if she left me twice for 2 different guys that would be so ****ty. but its like she just stopped caring, stopped loving. stopped all emotions.

 

now that i think of it , she did start taking antidepressants neer the time of our break up, almost like she was all floating on a cloud like .

 

honestly she probably is persuing someone else. i dont know. it makes me feel like love is not real , its just another form of comfort.

 

because after everything weve ever been through. leaving that behind would not make anysense and doesnt make sense.

[ExpatInItaly]

Love is real, but you must be careful where you seek it.

[realmess]

Love is real, but you must be careful where you seek it.

 

i agree, i literly dont know what to do, im a mess, my life is a mess. i we build our life together and she pulled out and my side came crumbling down.

 

but really it blows my mind. how could some one. after all the love, emotion. memories , everything, just end it and then act like nothing ever happened, act like they are just gods gift and that your just a disposable piece of trash, she literly looked at me with a annoyed pity look when she saw how upset i was. almost like it couldnt be real, like it wasnt even her. like she was possessed , like i was a stranger asking her for help and she was like well dont you have friends you can talk to about this.

 

she acted like i was talking to a councellor whos suggesting where i should to seek support. man it messed me up so bad. can you really fake a relationship for that long? even go to the extent of having a child. just to be convinvcing that you will stay till you find the next. wtf!!!!

[Turning point]

Well, if a person wants to get out of a relationship while deflecting all the blame onto the other person - gaslighting is a very effective way of doing it. You're now so confused it will take you months to figure what is really going on with her. It is probably best to stop trying.

 

I think with a second breakup it's time for you to let go of her and reshape your family in a way that is much more healthy for you and any children involved. Closure isn't necessary.

[Turning point]

That "annoyed pity look" is called contempt and it is a very dangerous red flag. Yes, she may very well be as fake as a $3 bill.

[sandylee1]

Sounds like she's interested in another man and couldn't come clean. I'd wouldn't take someone back after they left for someone else, because it gives them too much power over you IMO.

 

She deliberately picked fights with you...typical cheater behaviour.

 

It shows you accept they wanted to test out another relationship and have only come back to you because that didn't work.

 

So from now...only communicate on child related matters and anything to do with splitting your assets.

 

Focus on yourself and invest time in having a close relationship with your children. Be a present father.... make your house a second home where they don't feel like guests.

 

They are your priority.