Girlfriend of 2 and half years broke up with me.

[Jabowey]

Hi, from the title this post is about my girlfriend of 2 and a half years who has broken up with me. This has left me absolutely broken inside and just overall confused about what to do with myself. I'm baffled by her because just Monday and Tuesday we was talking about going back to Japan and potentially living there.

 

Then all of a sudden on Wednesday she was off with me and broke up with me Saturday morning. She broke up with me because she has depression and anxiety and wants to sort herself out before being in a relationship, I understand that but it makes no sense because I'm the only one who believes how bad her mental health is and always encourages her to be positive and be more ambitious from what she wants from life.

 

I saw her this morning to give her some pictures of us which I didn't want around anymore but to also talk more, I asked if she loved me still and she said she wasnt actually sure, but last Saturday she was texting me all day about how she wished I was with her and she missed me all day. She was very emotionless and was acting like she has a cold heart, I know this girl and I feel like it was her depression making her thoughts instead of what she wanted she also said she only sees us as friends at this moment in time, I dont want to be her friend, I'f I did i would have been.

 

I dont believe someone just falls out of love over a few days, I dont want to believe we are finished completely. She has an extremely low sex drive at the age of 21 and we haven't had sex in nearly over a year, it doesn't bother me that much I just enjoy her company and I love her for her. I dont know what to do because I want to fix it.

 

I know we are young and all that whole lifes and plenty of other people but I genuinely found my soul mate, everyone has said we are perfect and we were perfect together. Should I give her some time to think then ask to meet up in a week or 2?

Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

I'm the only one who believes how bad her mental health is and always encourages her to be positive and be more ambitious from what she wants from life.

 

I know that you've done this with the very best of intentions, but I wonder if this is part of the reason she pulled away.

 

Someone with clinical depression and anxiety doesn't need to be told to be positive. Her mental health conditions prevent her from doing the things you tell her to aim for. So then she just feels like more of a failure. And probably also feels misunderstood because this is all too much of a reach for her. When being with someone who's in this state, you can encourage them to get help. See doctors and psychologists. Her goal at this stage should be nothing higher than simply being OK.

 

Also, the two of you haven't had sex in over a year - so she didn't just change her mind overnight. This disconnection has been brewing for a while.

 

So, yeah - it kind of makes sense that she feels she needs to back away and do this on her own.

[Jabowey]

Hi, I've always encouraged her to see therapists and councillors too which she just started doing, and she was happy to have found a diagnosis but then started doubting herself that she was being dramatic.

 

And about the sex drive, I know it sounds like she was pulling away but she has zero sex drive and every few weeks or so she would call me or be in person and be broke down to tears because shes scared I was gonna cheat and she cant make me happy.

[sandylee1]

I don't mean to sound unsympathtic, but a 2 and a half year relationship and no sex in a year! This is an issue...especially for such a young couple.

 

Leave her to get help and focus on your own life. She should have family support, not you being the only one understanding her issues.

 

It will drain you and wear you down. I'd stop contacting her. Stop finding excuses to see her and try your best to move on.

 

I really couldn't be dealing with that kind of relationship at your age. It's too much like hard work.

[Highndry]

I don't even understand how, as a man, you can go a year in a relationship without sex. I mean, if it was a week I'd start wondering what's going on. How exactly is that meeting your needs?

 

I think it's time to stop thinking about her and start thinking about yourself. You can do better than this. She dumped you, and she's using you as her emotional support as she pulls away. That's wrong.

 

If I were you, I'd tell her that it's either all of you or none of you, and while you did not want to break up with her you will be going no contact because you need to heal and move on. If she has a change of heart, she can contact you.