HiCrunchy Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 I've actively been on old for a few weeks. Every date/match I've had except one wants to hook up or confirm if I will hookup on the first date. Not really a question, just venting. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 Yes, and even a lot of the ones who say that's not what they want are just saying that to get you in bed. This is nothing novel to online dating. This had been the norm way before the internet. There was a brief respite from it in the 70s when birth control became the savior for women (and no serious STDs) and women began having sex without having to be tricked into it, but it still went on to some degree. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 What's more annoying is that I put a filter on for "Seeking Relationship" on bumble and I still get these guys with the same ****ing filter asking for hookup. Seriously, wtf... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 Get off the apps & meet people in real life. They are more genuine & less creepy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 What's more annoying is that I put a filter on for "Seeking Relationship" on bumble and I still get these guys with the same ****ing filter asking for hookup. Seriously, wtf...Doesn't the woman have to initiate contact on Bumble? You might want to revise your selection process. How many men have you matched with / gone out with from Bumble? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 Doesn't the woman have to initiate contact on Bumble? You might want to revise your selection process. How many men have you matched with / gone out with from Bumble? I dont remember how many. On bumble u can filter for things. Some people for distance, height, education etc. I have a filter set to show me men that only want relationships. So when I match (ideally) they are looking for a SO like I am. So then i message when we match, since women have to messgae first. But... I'm still getting these "i only want a hookup" dudes. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 I am getting the opposite problem, as a gentleman - consider using a second dating app or doing more in-person dates. You can in that way use more of your spidey-sense and weed out those you don't want. Link to post Share on other sites
Secondplanet Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 i think thats the problem i'm having with online dating, i'm just trying to meet friends to be around after a rough breakup and said right in my profile i don't want a relationship just some friends to have some coffee and talk with or other things along those lines. But i often get messed up messaged back from woman for using "code words" for getting laid or something. When has English become so damn hard to use? Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 Since the internet and all the bs that is all over it. Luckily for me my world is still much the same as it always was in RL. Although l'm more and more disappointed all the time lately at terms l hear everyday people coming out with even here , from the internet world, it's like a damn virus spreading all over the fkg world. Anyway , even here my gf found the same thing, took her 2 yrs of it before she met me . Twas our lucky day :bunny: Only thing l can suggest is be clear about what you want on your date site and in RL , and just keep on truckin until the right one eventually comes along. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 The few guys I have known that have done OLD have said all the women were complete laydowns for sex...Like they didn't even really have to try...And the crazy thing is none of these guys are any great shakes.. I know nothing of OLD, but if that's the general climate out there, guys are just probably taking advantage of the easy pickings... I guess the only thing you can do is state clearly and in no uncertain terms what you are after..It still wont guarantee anything, but if I were a woman in the OP's situation, I just wouldn't put out easily...It will weed out the guys only looking to get laid...It may be tiresome, and time consuming, but I dunno what else you could really do? TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted February 26, 2019 Author Share Posted February 26, 2019 My profiles all say that I want a relationship. Idk how much clearer I have to be. Yep, so many disappear when I tell them I'm not into hookups..... Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 Hi crunchy one, I'm crispytoast. I have come to verify that yes, guys indeed want to hook up. Even the ones who want relationships. If he says otherwise, he's probably lying. I hope this has been helpful. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Moves Like Jagger Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 Do you know why a lot of guys want hookups? They do it to avoid getting friendzoned. You see struggling guys get advice all the time about showing her that he is interested. A lot of guys learn that it is better to be aggressive than passive. It's better to be that interesting bad boy that wants sex versus that boring guy that's wants relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 You will never be able to find a man who if, he is honest with himself, says to you that he doesn't want sex. We all want sex. Men will eternally be turned on faster than women in the sex department except in cases of extremely good looks. It is unfair to rail against men for this, because the entire gender is not guilty of this. What you might consider is something along the lines of a few sentences of comedic relief about you being a sapiosexual, or challenge me with your mind, or something like that. You might more easily weed out the ones you don't like that way. If you are meeting men who read in between the lines, they will run for the hills too, if you take this to an extreme. So why not get some comedic relief out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
The Dude Abides Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 I think HiCrunchy isn't saying that she isn't interested in sex; just that she is interested in a relationship first, and I am assuming the sex follows when the relationship is good for her. So, if I am correctly summarizing HiCrunchy's thoughts, I would probably be the same if I were suddenly single again or a widower. I am sure that I wouldn't feel right just doing the hook-up thing and instead would want to meet a woman who would be compatible for a LTR. At some point, I would feel good and ready to head to the bedroom and I would appreciate it so much more because the emotional part would be in place for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 Yeah , that's how l felt , zero interest in anything casual. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 i'm just trying to meet friends to be around after a rough breakup and said right in my profile i don't want a relationship just some friends to have some coffee and talk with or other things along those lines. You are on the wrong platform. Dating apps are not for making friends. They are for dating. You get these messages because to the people reading your platform from a guy "just friends" means NSA sex. My profiles all say that I want a relationship. Idk how much clearer I have to be. Yep, so many disappear when I tell them I'm not into hookups..... There is your filter. I am serious about mixing in some real life events to avoid the guys who only wants hookups. the apps are one tool. You can't act like they are the only way to meet people. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 I am not in the dating scene but, why would a guy want to spend an undefined amount of his limited time and energy establishing a relationship with someone that might or might not "get to the part he's most interested in" (in the short term)? Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying, but that seems like a lot of work on a gamble, with the risk of you eventually turning him down after he put myself on the line - so both ego-deflating and a waste of time and money for a short-lived friendship that amounts to nothing. I'm quite certain not every guy thinks like this. However, it doesn't seem like a good deal to have to wait so long just for *a chance* at fun. Even in RL dating, isn't there the "3 date rule" by which if you're on a 3rd date sex is on the table? Think that just like women, many if not most guys wouldn't care to be strung along for too long. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 Hicrunchy, I hope you find a resolution to this problem. You may have to go through many, many profiles to fund the few guys who aren't trying to have nsa sex. I get the feeling that most guys want sex upfront then they figure everything else out later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 Even in RL dating, isn't there the "3 date rule" by which if you're on a 3rd date sex is on the table? I would tend to agree with this statement. In my experience, I would say I slept with over 50% of the women I dated on the first date, the rest by the 3rd to 5th date. If I'm still getting a "no" after dating 4-6 weeks, I'm out. I've only had to invoke that rule once in my dating career. Keep in mind... If the OP isn't going to have sex with the men taking her out, someone else will. Plenty of fish in the sea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 My adult kids (men) are mainly interested in long term relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 I am not in the dating scene but, why would a guy want to spend an undefined amount of his limited time and energy establishing a relationship with someone that might or might not "get to the part he's most interested in" (in the short term)? But that short term sex seeking kind of a guy is the guy, many women including the OP want to weed out early doors. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 (edited) Fair enough. I get that mindset as having sex 3 times (or even just once) and then having the other person move on could be a bad experience for some. I suppose that, for some women, it can feel like being "used," although perhaps for many the "using" can be seen as mutual. And for some simply a price to pay in the search for the longer term partner. I suspect many of those men who date different people are indeed looking for an eventual long term partner, too. But who can know how long it will take them to settle on one or if you (the woman) will be it (or if they are at all). In the meantime they get to do a lot of "test driving" which no doubt they enjoy. So that's a gamble from the other side for those women looking definitively for LTRs. There's definitely something special about the friendship that turns into feelings, that blossoms into a relationship. But it's something that happens organically, in my experience at least. In dating, you're already putting it out there that you're looking for romance, so it circumvents this to a certain extent. I think certain specific sites are for those seeking LTRs. Aren't there sites/apps for friendship and companionship as well? Perhaps the OP should look to some of those? (Of course then there's always the risk that the "friend" you've developed feelings for will stick to their guns and not want a relationship. So a gamble there too. Guess nothings ever perfect...) Edited February 26, 2019 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 Women can see sex as special and not something she can dole out willy nlly to every guy looking for a "release". It would be easy for a woman who goes down that route to quickly get her "number" into double or triple figures and that is not usually the way to go to get into an LTR. Hook ups are hook ups, they are not usually people who are looking for LTRs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 Yes, not in the short term, they wouldn't be... Link to post Share on other sites
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