Trying to move on

[meaghans1]

I have tried desperately to move on. I've listened to meditations, blocked him on everything. I've tried to take his abrupt cessation of our relationship and lack of clarity and closure as a refelction of him and not me. I've had those moments of clarity, where I don't miss him. But I find myself thinking so often, in moments I am enjoying, that I can't be enjoying them any longer, when I remember we aren't together anymore. We didn't date for very long, but I truly believed, and he made me believe that this was something special. I remember asking him about us one time and he kissed me down my spine and told me it was so much more than he'd ever hoped for. He started to become distant, pull away the last couple weeks. Still liking other girls photos on instagram and having a line of girlfriends who were "just friends" on his snapchat. I started to become conflicted between who he really was, and questioning if I had the true story on this person who came into my life fleeting, whom I thought was a god damn miracle. And with his hands all the love he gave me, he took away, in an instant, with little to no explanation aside from the cliche response of I deserve better. It's been about 2 months now. I have stayed strong from the day we broke up and not contacted him. I sent him a heartfelt message the day we broke up and never heard anything. This person who I cared about so much, who I thought, who expressed, always felt similiar, just vanished. We live a mile from each other, he passes my house on the way home from work and I pass his house. Each time I have to tell myself to not look over, to not look in as I drive by. Sometimes on the way home I cry and cry just missing him. and I pray to a god or anything to help me get through this pain. If there was a button I could push to not love this person anymore I would push it a million times and throw it away. How he left was so painful, that I know in my heart I could never go back. And, I would never wish what he did to me, on him, because as much as he hurt me I would never want someone to experience what I did, especially someone I love. I've tried to forgive him, so that I can have peace, but each time I try it feels like I'm rushing to step 6 when I'm only on step 3. But I have felt the saddnesss and the anger and the logic, but progression seems to be slowing down and I find myself replaying the night we broke up over and over again. I don't know if it's his energy I'm feeling or what, but I cant seem to let go. All I am looking for are words of hope, of healing, I so appreciate it.

[Highndry]

I'm sorry he hurt you like that. Too many men and women treat each other as disposable these days. I believe it's pervasive, part of our "throw away" culture. It's a crying shame. It will get better for you, the first few months are certainly the worst. Best of luck.

[David33]

There are a lot of men and women who are going through the anger, loss and sadness that you are going through including myself. Those feelings are part of the process of moving on. I believe that behind the sadness is a person who realizes they have a lot to give. A person who cares deeply about others. That's an amazing thought.

 

The loss you may be feeling is there because the future you envisioned is not going to happen with that person. It doesn't mean it will never happen. Maybe it means he is out of the way to make room for the right person. You are still the wonderful person you were before you met him. It just takes time for the sadness to diminish enough to allow the real you to shine.

[Daphne33]

I'm so sorry. If there's one thing certain in this life, it's that things aren't always neat and pretty and that people can disappoint us. If only it weren't that way. I wish I could say something that would take the pain away, but honestly I think this just needs time and the right support around you. Do you have someone you can turn to?