Makes no sense

[confusedaboutlove123]

I’ve had a “situationship” with a man for 6 years. Despite me falling in love with him and trying so hard to make it work, he doesn’t want a relationship with me.

 

He’s told me he doesn’t want to be with me. He actively dates other women. He’s told me he will never return the love that I have for him. He says there’s no future between us.

 

So when he leaves, I let him go. I don’t chase. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want me in his life. And I respect his wishes and boundaries he’s set. I’ve accepted that we will never be.

 

He always contacts me after a week or so. He comes back in, I set my expectations and boundaries. He doesn’t like it, he leaves again.

 

This last time I lashed out. I was getting annoyed with the yo-yoing he’s been doing. It not only hurts me but it gives me the sense of false hope. The other woman he was seeing called him and I answered the phone.

 

He was so upset with me that I did that. He said it was unforgivable.

 

He’s now blocked me from everything.

 

Is it safe to say that it’s over for good now? I don’t have to deal with him trying to come back to get whatever it is that he wants from me?

Edited February 26, 2019 by confusedaboutlove123

[amaysngrace]

You should’ve blocked him years ago.

 

Do yourself a big favor and block him now. This way when he goes to unblock you and tries to get back in touch like he always does he’ll see it's over.

 

The decision is yours.

[d0nnivain]

No it's not safe to say it's over for good. The pattern is he comes back. This will continue until you stop it by not letting him back. When you are strong enough to stop it, it will stop. Not before.

[Mr. Lucky]

Makes no sense

 

Certainly agree OP, what you're doing makes no sense at all.

 

If every time he knocked and you opened, you were smacked across the face, would you continue to answer the door?

 

I'd guess he comes back because he's lonely or horny. If you want a relationship where you do more than service those needs, time to put him on permanent ignore...

 

Mr. Lucky

[The Dude Abides]

I’ve had a “situationship” with a man for 6 years. Despite me falling in love with him and trying so hard to make it work, he doesn’t want a relationship with me.

 

He’s told me he doesn’t want to be with me. He actively dates other women. He’s told me he will never return the love that I have for him. He says there’s no future between us.

 

So when he leaves, I let him go. I don’t chase. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want me in his life. And I respect his wishes and boundaries he’s set. I’ve accepted that we will never be.

 

He always contacts me after a week or so. He comes back in, I set my expectations and boundaries. He doesn’t like it, he leaves again.

 

This last time I lashed out. I was getting annoyed with the yo-yoing he’s been doing. It not only hurts me but it gives me the sense of false hope. The other woman he was seeing called him and I answered the phone.

 

He was so upset with me that I did that. He said it was unforgivable.

 

He’s now blocked me from everything.

 

Is it safe to say that it’s over for good now? I don’t have to deal with him trying to come back to get whatever it is that he wants from me?

 

 

OP,

I used bold to make two comments. First bold highlight of what you wrote should tell you all you need to know about this guy and this 'relationship'. Take him at his word. There is nothing there. To his credit, he is being open and honest, which is a great contrast to how many guys would handle this.

 

Second bold quote ..... whatever it is that he wants from you? There is only one thing he wants from you. Are you OK with being used as nothing more than a snack on the shelf of his sex pantry?

[preraph]

He's using you for validation if not more, like leaning on you because you're generous some way or something. You know, he can get an ego boost from you any time he wants and then go tell all his little friends, This girl's in love with me, but she's not my type" and act the big shot.

 

Don't hang on to him! He doesn't want you at all. He's just getting some ego gratification out of this and maybe he's a little sadistic and enjoys hurting women, who knows. Don't let him in ever again. Have some dignity! He's not anyone you need to let yourself love.

[spiderowl]

He sounds like the sort of guy who will pop into your life whenever he feels the need for company or admiration. For your own sake, you need to cut him out of your life. There is no romantic relationship with him so why allow him to come and go and mess with your emotions? It might be hard to cut him off for good, but in the long run you will be relieved to be rid of the stress.

Edited February 26, 2019 by spiderowl

[Redhead14]

I set my expectations and boundaries.

 

You did everything but the above. It's one thing to have boundaries, enforcing them is what makes them 'boundaries'. If you allow someone to walk over you time and again, you are a doormat. He treated you that way because you allowed it. He's a pig for taking advantage, though.

 

What he wanted was to be able to have his cake and eat it too.

 

You should have ended this a long, long time ago. I'm sorry you're going through this, while at the same time I cannot understand why you tolerated it for so long. Try to find some solace in the knowledge that you are now free to find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

[Malin889]

What a cocky ***********. I hate this guy for you and I don’t even know him. Please do not contact him again. Do you have any other prospects in your dating life?

[confusedaboutlove123]

No I def won't be dating for awhile. This one has made me put my wall up a bit. it will take some time before I'm on the scene again........

[stillafool]

The main thing is to not see this man again. Why do you let him come back? You've already wasted 6 years of your life on this guy who could care less about you. I hope you finally see this and stop seeing him. He will never be your man.