Who is right and wrong? Is it considered betrayal?

[SamHutchins]

Hey all,

 

Just trying to get some unbiased advice for a close friend of mine, he’s called me and ask for help, and I am not exactly sure what to advise or tell him because I know the both of them so my opinion would likely be bias.

Basically, he is asking me to tell him who I think is right and wrong, and if it is what he thinks is classified as betrayal.

 

Sometime last week, my friend (refer as John) had a fight with his long term girlfriend (refer as Sally). After they had a fight, Sally went to her best friends (refer as David) house to talk. In the end Sally and David had talked over it, and to cheer her up, they snooped on the bed for some silly photos (not sex or any of that sort, as far as John is aware, David is homosexual).

 

Later that night, David had uploaded those photos which was beamed across all of Sallys devices, and Sally left one of those at Johns and John had saw it by accident as it flashed onto the screen.

The following day, John wanted to fix things up, and just briefly told Sally about what he saw because he was uncomfortable with it, but Sally brushed it off that he was homosexual anyhow and nothing happened. He got annoyed at this because in his culture, a female should not be on another guy’s bed, however John decided to let it go and have it at that.

 

Apparently today after its been fixed, he needed to log into her email to assist her with some paperwork that she requested him to do, but noticed that her email password was changed, and he suspects this was because John told Sally what he saw (despite that it was not John that had went to look for it). Sally told him that it was just out of spite that she changed it, but John is saying that the email that he had access to was only with paperwork, no personal accounts and other things is attached, and now he is thinking if she has more things to hide and asking me for help.

 

He then also asked me what he thought on this previous scenario. He has her on Snapchat which she is aware that he looks at (on the stories and personal messages). She is on this everyday (I know this as I work with her) and he actually asked her why there was nothing for the last 2 months, and asked her if she had blocked him. She told him that she did block him on the stories because she is taking photos with her niece and other friends that John doesn’t particularly like, and that to keep everything at peace she blocked him on it.

 

He tells me that he feels that he was betrayed and that she knew fully that he didn’t like it, and rather to avoid doing it, she did it anyways but just hid it from him. I can see their arguments from both ways that;

 

1. John feels he is betrayed, because she purposely went to hide this and block him so he doesn’t know

2. Sally feels this was the right thing to do, because she isn’t doing anything wrong with her niece and friends, it’s just that John doesn’t like them so she blocked him and didn’t tell him

 

Now John doesn’t know what to do because he feels that there is no longer any trust, he thinks hiding the Snapchat thing as well as the photos with David was in some sense a betrayal, and that now he found out about the email password change, he is all confused because he thinks she changed it because she has things to hide (and suspects it is across all the other platform, they used to share passwords)

 

Knowing the both of them for years, it is hard to give either of them an unbiased opinion, so would you say Johnny is just over-reacting, or is Sally in the wrong? Is what is described here considered betrayal?

[Wallysbears]

Sounds like John is possessive/controlling of Sally and a snoop and has his feelings hurt because Sally put a stop to that.

 

Tell him to get over it.

[SamHutchins]

Sounds like John is possessive/controlling of Sally and a snoop and has his feelings hurt because Sally put a stop to that.

 

Tell him to get over it.

 

Not quite the case, John never said Sally was not allowed to do anything, actually I think he actually has his feelings hurt because Sally hid it from him :\

 

He didn't go snooping around, it was only Sally requested John to check the paperwork email for her, he doesn't log onto any of her other things (or that's what he told me anyways)

[Mr. Lucky]

so would you say Johnny is just over-reacting

 

Not over-reacting, simply falling into the social media trap of trying to interpret every post, snap, friend and unfriend. If John/Sally's relationship good IRL, that's where his focus should be...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Orokotikki]

Not betrayal as shown in the original post, but definite grounds for suspicion.

[spiderowl]

Sounds like the trust has gone between them. She can't trust him not to snoop and criticise (supposedly) and he can't trust her not to be cheating on him or behaving inappropriately. There seems little point these two being together. Once the trust is gone, there isn't much else.

[oldtruck]

Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

[d0nnivain]

Where does John get off telling Sally what kind of relationship to have with her niece? If he's expressing negative opinions about that relationship I can see why she would want to shield the niece from that to keep the peace. Maybe if John didn't overreact about pictures of his GF with her flesh & blood, there would be no need for her to be sneaky.

 

Taking photos on a bed with anybody not your SO is crossing the line.

 

I don't see betrayals anywhere. I do see petty hurt people who are lashing out at each other.