Different belief + Long Distance Relationship + Secret relationshhip

[starshine7]

I and my bf agreed to have a secret relationship because I have a pending case and annulment is in process. We became an item 6 months after I got separated with my ex husband. I am sure though that this is not a rebound. We are on our 30's and needed to live with my parents again because I left the house that we are renting with my ex husband who is verbally abusive, the reason i sued him.

 

Before, my boyfriend is understanding and he said he can wait for years and that we need to keep it as a secret until I am annuled. We are in a long distance relationship and meets once to twice a month. Out last meet was before christmas, i had many problems in the January about my health, my kid health, so I was not able to meet him 3 hours away from my place. Until first week of february, we are supposed to meet but then again, my kid had a very high fever so I ended up canceling the date. Since then, no reply. I tried to greet him and call him, video record and all until I get a reply saying we are already 11months and we do not have growth and he can go on his life without me. I do what I can do, even it is so hard, I do my best to meet him every month, I even maintain everyday chat or we have activities online. He is rushing me to meet my parents but parents said I will leave the house if we became an item. I still need time and ned to stay here because I need emotional support and assistance since I have a pending case about violence against women and child and my parents were just protecting me since I was verbally abused. I am expecting that my boyfriend could understand me in the tough times that for 2 months, I do not have regular job and kid and I got sick. But what happened is he no longer understands and just pushed me and so prideful saying he can do better things without me and his life is wasted. It really hurts. I love him but I still cannot prioritize him but doing my best. If only he can still wait and be more patient and understanding. it is 10 days until his last message. I am really in pain.

Also he is an atheist and I am a christian. Before he is very understanding and do not debate each other. Not until this month where he keeps posting against God and start to reply the lady whom he know likes him. Before he is not replying the lady because he wants me to not feel bad. It seems he is now doing what he thinks I do not like.

Edited February 26, 2019 by starshine7

[The Dude Abides]

Hello Starshine

 

Several things going on here....the 'romance' with this other man (secret or not) is optional. Your first priority must be the care of your child, dealing with the legal process of your annulment of the marriage with the man who still is your husband, and following along with whatever requirements your parents establish while you live in their house. You also have health issues to address and the need to find steady employment. Again, this thing with this other man is optional and the case could be made that it should be avoided for the time being because you have too much at stake with all the issues listed above.

 

The atheist/Christian issue.....I know that many who are Christian feel this is a deal breaker. I have a different view. I don't know the passage reference off the top of my head, but recall that Jesus said that he doesn't expect that a believer would abandon a relationship with a non-believer because He might be working through the believer to bring faith to the non-believer. (I am paraphrasing here, but get the gist of it). You have an abundance of reasons to stay away from this man, but I wouldn't use this one issue to support that decision.

 

Best wishes to you .

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry OP, but I just don't believe a relationship is realistic under these circumstances.

 

Yeah, he said he would wait however long it takes - but he's since realized that the reality of a secret long-distance relationship is deeply unsatisfying. Expecting him to be patient and just wait it out is too much, particularly when it doesn't sound like your situation will be resolved in the near future.

 

He doesn't need to be a jerk about it, though; he could have simply said it's not working for him anymore and be done. It rather sounds like he's trying to punish you with his current behavior, which isn't a good sign anyway.

 

The chances that this will last are just about zero. But I would take the opportunity to process your annulment and get back on your own two feet so you can be independent from your parents again and have some breathing room from your ex-husband. Then attempt dating. You currently have far too much on your plate and most men are not going to interested in taking it on.

[starshine7]

@The Dude Abides do you think in the right time if there would be opportunity to talk. Should I still tell him that I still love him but will just let him go because it is unfair for him if we go on but my problems cannot be solved easily ? I know it hurts. I still hope in the end we end up together but I cannot force some things to resolve right away. Like the annulment, too expensive, before doing it or pay for it I need to at least prioritize to even have my own health card and son plus pay other debts that ex husband left under my name. I want to prioritize my bf but it is really hard if there are some more things I need to fix first. If he only can understand more. But I cannot demand it for he will be depressed again.