Relationship of 6 years over, possible GIGS?

[Bobmarker23]

Alright, first of all, sorry for bringing yet another GIGS thread. I somewhat need to vent but am also looking for some input.

 

The backstory:

I am 20, male, have been dating my girlfriend since we were 14. It started in 8th grade and was not actually a real relationship until we hit high school. From there, we became extremely close friends and lovers. We experienced everything together, and we're extremely close (admittedly co-dependent). We had our own friends in high school that we would go out and do things with, however most days were spent with eachother.

 

Senior year, when we were 18, during February(the same time of year she did it again, 2 years later), she had randomly broken up with me due to falling out of love. I unfortunately begged, but it had worked and she took me back. It was weird at first, but we very quickly fell deeply in love. Our friendship took a turn for the better and we actually became closer than we were before, and our sex life got better.

 

Going into college, things were going extremely well in our relationship. We both lived with our parents, which sucked, but we were very close, enjoyed spending time, very cuddly and in love. I would go over to her house often or she would come to mine. During this time, she started sleeping over at my house very often. She would spend the nigh extremely often. She started to get pretty clingy, and I already had trouble on school work so I would need to focus. But I still tried to give her a lot of attention and it seemed like it was working well on both ends.

 

Last year, mid 2018, I started bringing up marriage. She wanted to, but she asked that we don't get engaged until we lived together. I understood, and while we talked about it and were excited we both understood that we had steps to take first.

 

December 2018, we both attended a wedding together. After that, her tune completely flipped. She was very admit on getting engaged as soon as possible and was sending me countless different rings. I was excited too, and we both knew it. January comes around and we are getting big on talks about living together, looking through the texts we were both in complete love still with countless late night conversations, countless facetimes, countless sleepovers, it looked like on track to be perfect. It wasn't "I need to get married now or im leaving" it was more "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you". During all of this time, we were still sleeping over non-stop and hanging out nearly every day. Her and my mom would say "I love you" to eachother before bed. Whether it was running errands, making dinner, or just watching Netflix we were doing things together and we were happy.

 

The breakup:

So, January was filled with hopeful talks and a great time, but by the end she was incredibly busy. She was working at the job we shared, she was taking care of a puppy for a week, and she was going to school. It was the first time we had been distant, albeit for a week, in years.

 

I approached her as she was not making effort towards us, and I asked her if everything was okay. She assured me that everything was fine and she was just busy. I told her I understood and if there's ever a problem that we can just talk about it.

 

The next day, was Super Bowl Sunday. After her work, she comes and picks me up(my car died) and takes me to her house to watch the Super Bowl with her family. me and her family are extremely close and we all have a great time. She falls asleep, but she's never liked football. Once the game is over I ask if she would like to go back to my house and spend the night. She agrees, and on the drive home even everything was fine. We pull into my driveway, and she says "I want to breakup" Without even talking, telling me anything was wrong, no fight. So we head inside and talk about it and she hits me with all the classic GIGS lines, "I need to find myself, I love you but am not in love with you, etc"

 

Aftermath:

I was caught so off guard and being my first breakup, I handled it terribly. That first night we both cried in front of eachother and she was still going to sleepover but I told her to leave. The next day, we meet up for lunch to discuss more. We talk about it some more and she tells me that she just feels free. Over the next two weeks, we still hangout, and we hooked up a total of 9 times.

 

The following week she starts smoking cigs, is getting drunk (by herself) every night, and is being extremely cold to me and cutting me out. I felt like we were making progress but I just got dumped again, and I begged for another chance like I did the first time in high school. Obviously, I am older and it was just embarrassing but she tells me we can try for a month even though she doesn't want to. I wish I could've just let her go, but I honestly did no research on breakups and had no idea what to do. I clearly was pushing her away hard by doing this. We hangout two more times, and hookup again, and then her friend comes home from university to visit her. They get extremely drunk together (no problems from me, me and my friends do it all too often lol) and the next day I go to university to hangout with a friend and I see on her snapchat story that she is at the same one, partying, without telling me. I call her, and she doesn't answer so I understand she wants to be alone i am drunk and sad that night.

 

The next morning she has work however, and then we had made plans to cook dinner together when she got off. After how this week had went, and the late night partying, I did not assume it was still on.

 

I text her that when I get back home from the university and ask if were still on and she just says "okay."

Later, she says, "wait, what did we plan" and I respond "Dinner, do you remember?"

and she goes "I think I was drunk, I barely remember. But I don't think we should." after asking why, she tells me she's just going to keep hurting me. I ask what she means and she tells me she had sex the night before while super drunk and regrets it. I told her we were over, I ask her to give me anything she has left of mine back, and not to contact me. I think this just made my ego feel better, as she had very clearly ended it earlier.

 

Now, first of all, I know I handled this breakup terribly. I had not even started researching how to handle it until after all this happened. I have a couple of questions.

 

One, why do I still love her? after she had sex (unprotected) while telling me we could work it out I should hate her. I find it disgusting. I find her 180 change In personality disgusting, I find the cigs disgusting.

But when we would hangout even while broken up its like the old her was still there. But as soon as we weren't in person an entire new her was there.

 

Why do I still want her to text me so bad and tell me she made a mistake? I don't think I could ever take her back, because I would never trust her, but I still fantasize about it anyway. It's only been 2 days of no contact, but 3 weeks since the breakup.

 

Does this sound like she developed GIGS?

 

Do you guys think she will miss me and what we had after going strong for 6 years (besides the week in senior year) and try and contact me back? I am very anxious about what the future holds, regardless of if its us getting back together, us never talking again, her apologizing, it all is just stressful to think of.

 

Just a disclaimer: I want to reiterate I understand how badly I handled this entire breakup. It was extremely toxic and I regret it and wish I had started no contact the day she mentioned it. But, she is all I've ever known for the last six years and I had a certainty that she was going to be all I ever knew and I did not know how to act. I went from being emotionally stable and a healthy relationship to being erratic and clingy. I just want to stay no contact as it will be better for both of us.

Edited February 27, 2019 by Bobmarker23

[HazeMan]

Alright, first of all, sorry for bringing yet another GIGS thread. I somewhat need to vent but am also looking for some input.

 

The backstory:

I am 20, male, have been dating my girlfriend since we were 14. It started in 8th grade and was not actually a real relationship until we hit high school. From there, we became extremely close friends and lovers. We experienced everything together, and we're extremely close (admittedly co-dependent). We had our own friends in high school that we would go out and do things with, however most days were spent with eachother.

 

Senior year, when we were 18, during February(the same time of year she did it again, 2 years later), she had randomly broken up with me due to falling out of love. I unfortunately begged, but it had worked and she took me back. It was weird at first, but we very quickly fell deeply in love. Our friendship took a turn for the better and we actually became closer than we were before, and our sex life got better.

 

Going into college, things were going extremely well in our relationship. We both lived with our parents, which sucked, but we were very close, enjoyed spending time, very cuddly and in love. I would go over to her house often or she would come to mine. During this time, she started sleeping over at my house very often. She would spend the nigh extremely often. She started to get pretty clingy, and I already had trouble on school work so I would need to focus. But I still tried to give her a lot of attention and it seemed like it was working well on both ends.

 

Last year, mid 2018, I started bringing up marriage. She wanted to, but she asked that we don't get engaged until we lived together. I understood, and while we talked about it and were excited we both understood that we had steps to take first.

 

December 2018, we both attended a wedding together. After that, her tune completely flipped. She was very admit on getting engaged as soon as possible and was sending me countless different rings. I was excited too, and we both knew it. January comes around and we are getting big on talks about living together, looking through the texts we were both in complete love still with countless late night conversations, countless facetimes, countless sleepovers, it looked like on track to be perfect. It wasn't "I need to get married now or im leaving" it was more "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you". During all of this time, we were still sleeping over non-stop and hanging out nearly every day. Her and my mom would say "I love you" to eachother before bed. Whether it was running errands, making dinner, or just watching Netflix we were doing things together and we were happy.

 

The breakup:

So, January was filled with hopeful talks and a great time, but by the end she was incredibly busy. She was working at the job we shared, she was taking care of a puppy for a week, and she was going to school. It was the first time we had been distant, albeit for a week, in years.

 

I approached her as she was not making effort towards us, and I asked her if everything was okay. She assured me that everything was fine and she was just busy. I told her I understood and if there's ever a problem that we can just talk about it.

 

The next day, was Super Bowl Sunday. After her work, she comes and picks me up(my car died) and takes me to her house to watch the Super Bowl with her family. me and her family are extremely close and we all have a great time. She falls asleep, but she's never liked football. Once the game is over I ask if she would like to go back to my house and spend the night. She agrees, and on the drive home even everything was fine. We pull into my driveway, and she says "I want to breakup" Without even talking, telling me anything was wrong, no fight. So we head inside and talk about it and she hits me with all the classic GIGS lines, "I need to find myself, I love you but am not in love with you, etc"

 

Aftermath:

I was caught so off guard and being my first breakup, I handled it terribly. That first night we both cried in front of eachother and she was still going to sleepover but I told her to leave. The next day, we meet up for lunch to discuss more. We talk about it some more and she tells me that she just feels free. Over the next two weeks, we still hangout, and we hooked up a total of 9 times.

 

The following week she starts smoking cigs, is getting drunk (by herself) every night, and is being extremely cold to me and cutting me out. I felt like we were making progress but I just got dumped again, and I begged for another chance like I did the first time in high school. Obviously, I am older and it was just embarrassing but she tells me we can try for a month even though she doesn't want to. I wish I could've just let her go, but I honestly did no research on breakups and had no idea what to do. I clearly was pushing her away hard by doing this. We hangout two more times, and hookup again, and then her friend comes home from university to visit her. They get extremely drunk together (no problems from me, me and my friends do it all too often lol) and the next day I go to university to hangout with a friend and I see on her snapchat story that she is at the same one, partying, without telling me. I call her, and she doesn't answer so I understand she wants to be alone i am drunk and sad that night.

 

The next morning she has work however, and then we had made plans to cook dinner together when she got off. After how this week had went, and the late night partying, I did not assume it was still on.

 

I text her that when I get back home from the university and ask if were still on and she just says "okay."

Later, she says, "wait, what did we plan" and I respond "Dinner, do you remember?"

and she goes "I think I was drunk, I barely remember. But I don't think we should." after asking why, she tells me she's just going to keep hurting me. I ask what she means and she tells me she had sex the night before while super drunk and regrets it. I told her we were over, I ask her to give me anything she has left of mine back, and not to contact me. I think this just made my ego feel better, as she had very clearly ended it earlier.

 

Now, first of all, I know I handled this breakup terribly. I had not even started researching how to handle it until after all this happened. I have a couple of questions.

 

One, why do I still love her? after she had sex (unprotected) while telling me we could work it out I should hate her. I find it disgusting. I find her 180 change In personality disgusting, I find the cigs disgusting.

But when we would hangout even while broken up its like the old her was still there. But as soon as we weren't in person an entire new her was there.

 

Why do I still want her to text me so bad and tell me she made a mistake? I don't think I could ever take her back, because I would never trust her, but I still fantasize about it anyway. It's only been 2 days of no contact, but 3 weeks since the breakup.

 

Does this sound like she developed GIGS?

 

Do you guys think she will miss me and what we had after going strong for 6 years (besides the week in senior year) and try and contact me back? I am very anxious about what the future holds, regardless of if its us getting back together, us never talking again, her apologizing, it all is just stressful to think of.

 

Just a disclaimer: I want to reiterate I understand how badly I handled this entire breakup. It was extremely toxic and I regret it and wish I had started no contact the day she mentioned it. But, she is all I've ever known for the last six years and I had a certainty that she was going to be all I ever knew and I did not know how to act. I went from being emotionally stable and a healthy relationship to being erratic and clingy. I just want to stay no contact as it will be better for both of us.

Move on my friend. You have been dating since you were 14. She is doing what is typical of girls that age. She is curious about what is out there because she feels she might be missing out on something. The 180 is her overcompensating by swinging too far in the opposite direction. She has fallen for the hedonistic mindset that plagues late teens and early twenties people. Move on because even if she does come back, you will never forget all the things she did and you definitely deserve better.

 

The thing about people like this is that after they go out there and see it is not all that it's cracked up to be, they can't handle it so they either freak out and crawl back to their ex or find someone similar, become incredibly jaded, sink further into the self destructive abyss or carry a lifelong regret of letting their initial partner go.

 

Keep in mind though that now your view on love, sex and relationships has forever been colored by this experience. Just remember that she did you a favour. You may not see it now but trust me you will one day. People with G.I.G.S typically don't end up better off. Most that i have come across did not know how good they had it until they left and learned the hard way from their subsequent relationships or relationship attempts.

 

In life it is easy to love someone but incredibly difficult to find someone who will truly love you and stay with you through thick and thin. She will learn this the hard way. TRust me. Look at my profile and my situation is somewhat similar.

[Marc878]

She grew up and has decided to move on from you.

 

You should do the same.

 

Or else you'll wallow in something that you have zero control over

[mark clemson]

Yeah, she realized that it's too early to marry (for her personally) and is moving on. You are sad because it's natural to be sad at a break up. You WILL get over it and you NEED TO move on. Pining over her will almost certainly accomplish nothing but delaying your future happiness.

 

Suggest being mature and don't move on for real (i.e. beyond maybe a hook up or 3) until you've had some time to recover emotionally. Then go for it - it's a BIG world out there and there are some very interesting women...

[ExpatInItaly]

I know it hurts, OP. This is how most childhood/teen romances end, though. I know there are always exceptions, but they're just that - exceptions.

 

One or both parties grows up and changes and realizes they want to experience more, which cannot be done within the parameters of their relationship. She is in no way ready to settle down but it sounds like she got caught up in the excitement of the idea of a ring and wedding without stopping to really evaluate whether she's ready to forever exclude all other guys. She understands now that she isn't.

 

GIGS, in my mind, is just another name for younger people who outgrow their relationships and want to explore more. It sucks, I realize, but it's a very normal phase as you two transitioned out of the teenage years and into adulthood. You are all she knows and she is ready to move on from that.

 

How you handled the break-up isn't important, really. It doesn't change anything so don't be too hard on yourself for that. What you should do now, though, is to take a gigantic step away from her so you can begin to process this new chapter of your life. Might she come back? Anything is possible, though in my experience it's more likely you will both move on and wind up happier with other people, in more mature relationships.