does sex make the relationship?

[nowornever1]

its been like 4 months now, still stressed as can be,

 

ive been trying to narrow down what went wrong, why my ex was so angry, even my ex ex why we broke up aswell. in the last 10 years ive had 3 breakups with 2 women, and its just draining,

 

me and both the women loved eachother to death, the first ex and i were inseperable, same with my second ex.

 

ive thought over and over is there something wrong with me, being super nice, supportive loyal honorable, non of that **** seemed to matter to them.

 

now i realize that with my first ex, after we had a baby the sex slowed down, and eventually stopped, she was always getting angry and lashing out, i couldnt figure out why, i caderd to her every need, to the point where it just wasnt good enough and then she dumped me. and was over it.

 

now with my second ex, who dumped me twice now, the first time she dumped me, sex was slowing down, and so she left and replaced me, then she came back, i was still loyal kind nice exc. she was always angry but we didnt have sex for a long time, then it picked up again and things were good, then after we had a baby the sex slowed down again almost stopped, usually neither of us could finish. mostly because we were drained from work or everyday life and literly sex was draining aswell after working long days.

 

i think that lack of sex killed my relationships, i feel like spouses dont care about all the memories and the good times and the loyalty and what not , i think that there seems to be two kinds of love, sex love, and unconditional love, dont get me wrong i loved the sex but my love was unconditional, i dont think theirs was or ever was.

 

i guess i want to know what YOUR sex life was like before they dumped you , was it amazing, was it once a week, because im literly thinking that some people think that sex is the relationship and once it slows down they need to get it else where , i dono just trying to figure out my situation and its the only thing that makes sense.

[Garcon1986]

The answer is partially yes - some relationships are only about sex but they aren't the great ones. I smell some terrible despair in your post mate. First- take a moment to breathe, eat, be healthy for your 2 year old child, and for yourself. You can't do anything without being able to stand up on your own two feet and fend for yourself.

 

 

Right now you are in deep duuuduuu, and while you may not want to listen to the voices of reason - I can assure you the citizens of Loveshack are trying to help you get better. You are pretty much as down in the dumps as one can be - so here's what you have to do.

 

 

You have to incorporate happiness into your life right effing now. You can't sit around and be depressed. Your mood is only going to spiral into worse things if you don't eat, sleep, and incorporate MANDATORY HAPPY THINGS into your life.

 

 

Next thing is - these women all left you because you let your guard down and became complacent. The modern, attractive, independent woman craves a man which is defined as:

 

 

1. A protector of the family. Someone who can guard against all threats to come to himself, her, and potential kids.

2. Someone who can provide for the family. In the old days, it was going out and slaying the seals, now it is earning money.

3. Someone who can make her ALL AROUND FEEL GOOD, and not just in the bed. Emotionally feeling good is crucial.

4. Someone who can understand HER EMOTIONS, even just a little bit. A woman will consciously or unconsciously test you, whether you like it or not. The reason she tests you is because she feels that you both are not entirely in your emotional center, and she needs to know subconsciously, that you are ready to come back to it.

5. Someone somewhat physically attractive.

6. Someone who is independent and has his own job.

7. Someone who has an enjoyable personality.

And a whole host of other little things, but these are the big meaty core traits.

 

 

At some point, she may have been a little too argumentative, but you didn't give her the right environment to be at ease around you. So - she packed up for greener pastures. This feels horrible - I know - I was in your position 15 years ago - and it feels nasty.

 

 

Your priority is to chuck out female thoughts from your life right now and focus on getting more happiness in your life through hobbies and exercise. Just being honest, you are in no position to date right at the moment or revive your relationship. You need to be strong again.

[basil67]

With the exception of when you and your partner had a young child, I think the lack of sex was a symptom of the issue rather than the issue itself. When there's an emotional disconnect between the partners, the woman's desire will flounder.

 

>>now i realize that with my first ex, after we had a baby the sex slowed down, and eventually stopped, she was always getting angry and lashing out, i couldnt figure out why, i caderd to her every need, to the point where it just wasnt good enough and then she dumped me. and was over it.<<

 

If she was lashing out, I'm guessing that she had needs which weren't being met by you. When people lash out, they usually tell you what their problem is....so what did she say?

 

>>now with my second ex, who dumped me twice now, the first time she dumped me, sex was slowing down, and so she left and replaced me, then she came back, i was still loyal kind nice exc. she was always angry but we didnt have sex for a long time, then it picked up again and things were good, then after we had a baby the sex slowed down again almost stopped, usually neither of us could finish. mostly because we were drained from work or everyday life and literly sex was draining aswell after working long days.<<

 

Here we have another woman who was always angry with you. Seems to be a theme. What types of things was she angry about?

 

>>i think that lack of sex killed my relationships, i feel like spouses dont care about all the memories and the good times and the loyalty and what not , i think that there seems to be two kinds of love, sex love, and unconditional love, dont get me wrong i loved the sex but my love was unconditional, i dont think theirs was or ever was.<<

 

Relationships aren't built on memories. There's no sense holding onto fond memories if your current needs aren't being met. So basically, relationships are sustained by the recent past and the present. Unconditional love only has a place in a parent/child relationship. Kids can be utter terrors but we still love them. But when it comes to two adults, both need to continue to meet the needs of the other or love can fail.

[nowornever1]

With the exception of when you and your partner had a young child, I think the lack of sex was a symptom of the issue rather than the issue itself. When there's an emotional disconnect between the partners, the woman's desire will flounder.

 

>>now i realize that with my first ex, after we had a baby the sex slowed down, and eventually stopped, she was always getting angry and lashing out, i couldnt figure out why, i caderd to her every need, to the point where it just wasnt good enough and then she dumped me. and was over it.<<

 

If she was lashing out, I'm guessing that she had needs which weren't being met by you. When people lash out, they usually tell you what their problem is....so what did she say?

 

>>now with my second ex, who dumped me twice now, the first time she dumped me, sex was slowing down, and so she left and replaced me, then she came back, i was still loyal kind nice exc. she was always angry but we didnt have sex for a long time, then it picked up again and things were good, then after we had a baby the sex slowed down again almost stopped, usually neither of us could finish. mostly because we were drained from work or everyday life and literly sex was draining aswell after working long days.<<

 

Here we have another woman who was always angry with you. Seems to be a theme. What types of things was she angry about?

 

>>i think that lack of sex killed my relationships, i feel like spouses dont care about all the memories and the good times and the loyalty and what not , i think that there seems to be two kinds of love, sex love, and unconditional love, dont get me wrong i loved the sex but my love was unconditional, i dont think theirs was or ever was.<<

 

Relationships aren't built on memories. There's no sense holding onto fond memories if your current needs aren't being met. So basically, relationships are sustained by the recent past and the present. Unconditional love only has a place in a parent/child relationship. Kids can be utter terrors but we still love them. But when it comes to two adults, both need to continue to meet the needs of the other or love can fail.

 

well she never really would say what i was doing wrong, i payed for everything, i took care of the kids when ever she needed, she got mad about house hold stuff like laundry n chores but i did them as much as she did. i know that talking about finances set her off , i know that me trying to take control set her off, i think it could boil down to trust, and maybe spite, i think she resented me for no marrying her, which i never thought of until now, i didnt marry her because she kept making poor financial choices, digging deeper into debt, buying stuff and not paying bills, its like she wanted me to pay her debts while she spent freely, i think that was the base of our head butting, i was financially stable , she wasnt, and when i tried to give her financial advice , shed get mad, i even suggested combining bank accounts so we know whats going on, but i myself even had cold feet because i didnt want her to **** it all up and make us broke. i guess i didnt trust her financially, but she always pawned her debt onto me, she had a 1500 cell bill in my name that she never paid, she had speeding tickets and all this stuff that i kept bailing her out of because she never ruined the plates on the vehicle , then when she got pulled over by the cops she got a 500 dollar ticket, things like this kept happening, and she just would not listen to me, ever about money, and it sucked because i guess she got the child tax money, and she would spend it on crap that we didnt need, while i was paying for all the bills , and then when there was no food in the fridge, she would get mad and blame me , but really it was like she wasnt contributing at all, she kept saying go to the rigs and make money, like she wanted this life style of a millionaire, but its messed up, im already making 39 bucks an hour, and id always be broke at the end because of me bailing her out or me just paying for everything, man, she even stopped paying her car payments and ididnt even know about it, like she got 900 in child tax and 2400 a month from her job and she was always broke and couldnt afford anything, even with me paying for everything! jesus

[nowornever1]

like really thats one thing that pissed me off, wheres all her money going! and she would say the same thing to me , and id say bills , id even lay it down on paper and show her where every dime went, but she could never show me where even half her money went,

[Garcon1986]

Well there's an opportunity on your next date in the future - no dates unless they prove financial responsibility to you. Don't let the siren song of hot girl attract you so much that you forget about fundamental adulting skills.

[nowornever1]

yeah, i dont even get how she could be paying for the place by her self now, considering she never had money,

[Els]

well she never really would say what i was doing wrong, i payed for everything, i took care of the kids when ever she needed, she got mad about house hold stuff like laundry n chores but i did them as much as she did. i know that talking about finances set her off , i know that me trying to take control set her off, i think it could boil down to trust, and maybe spite, i think she resented me for no marrying her, which i never thought of until now, i didnt marry her because she kept making poor financial choices, digging deeper into debt, buying stuff and not paying bills, its like she wanted me to pay her debts while she spent freely, i think that was the base of our head butting, i was financially stable , she wasnt, and when i tried to give her financial advice , shed get mad, i even suggested combining bank accounts so we know whats going on, but i myself even had cold feet because i didnt want her to **** it all up and make us broke. i guess i didnt trust her financially, but she always pawned her debt onto me, she had a 1500 cell bill in my name that she never paid, she had speeding tickets and all this stuff that i kept bailing her out of because she never ruined the plates on the vehicle , then when she got pulled over by the cops she got a 500 dollar ticket, things like this kept happening, and she just would not listen to me, ever about money, and it sucked because i guess she got the child tax money, and she would spend it on crap that we didnt need, while i was paying for all the bills , and then when there was no food in the fridge, she would get mad and blame me , but really it was like she wasnt contributing at all, she kept saying go to the rigs and make money, like she wanted this life style of a millionaire, but its messed up, im already making 39 bucks an hour, and id always be broke at the end because of me bailing her out or me just paying for everything, man, she even stopped paying her car payments and ididnt even know about it, like she got 900 in child tax and 2400 a month from her job and she was always broke and couldnt afford anything, even with me paying for everything! jesus

 

 

Dude, you dodged a bullet right here. I don't think sex was the problem.