Why can't I let it go?

[purple21]

Hi All,

 

Just looking for some words of wisdom - I'm having a hard time letting go of a man that I really shouldn't spend anytime thinking about. I'm moving out of state in 3 weeks and I kept thinking about what I can say or do to get together with him again 1 last time to exchange personal emails and just to have that one last night. My brain tells me to forget about it and get excited about my new experiences but I keep dwelling on this thought of seeing him one last time and/or what could of been. It doesn't make much sense that is why I think I'm a love addict - It's happened before with other men - all my thoughts and desires go for this one man who I really shouldn't waste time with. Or if I am in a relationship I try everything to not end it even if I'm not happy. I just don't understand it.

 

I posted a few times about this man. If you don't remember, the history of me and this current fixation is that we ended up sleeping together after a night out drinking back in Dec. We know each other from work and it just sorta happened. I had so much fun that weekend and he would tell me things like where have you been all these years (in a bad relationship) and how we we're gonna hang out all the time. Then the next week he just went into a shell and ignored me. From then we would talk through email or text every so often and he would invite me over about once a month - the last I saw him was 4th of July weekend. We didn't always sleep together all these times, fooled around a little but basically hung out and had a great time. I had so much fun with him when we were together and he was so open and told me all this stuff about his life. He did just go through a breakup in Dec and has some anxiety and I think drinking issues. I just don't quite understand what his motives are - I know deep down he was using me - but are times together weren't just sex - so it totally confuses me.

 

I've spent way too much time thinking about the whole thing ever since Dec - the last few weeks since he found out I was leaving (which was through email) he has been ignoring my text msgs on the weekends. I usually have been sending one or two (nothing crazy) on the weekends just saying we should catch up and hang out before I leave but don't get a response. So I sit home waiting for him to hopefully respond and I'll have the chance to go over there. It sounds so complete pathetic and I know this but I can't stop.

 

The whole thing is bringing me down and I know in time it will pass like it has in other situations but I still catch myself thinking what can I do or say to turn him around? I know I can't and shouldn't. It just breaks my heart - I keep thinking it was bad timing.

 

I just want to turn a switch and not care anymore, I feel obsessed with this man. How I can get this out of my thoughts so I can concentrate on my move - arggg. I just feel like asking him what the deal is - maybe that will help me move on. I'm an intelligent woman - why am I acting like such a fool. Help me snap out of this pleeeeaaaaase.