trying to be friends with an ex...

[isabellaraviv]

My ex and I broke up in the beginning of Feb. because of a gross misunderstanding of something that occured and because the relationship was getting so serious it was scaring him, and we were long distance and in the end it is my ex's fault. He dumped me, dated someone else rather quickly (very rebound, they didn't last long) and told me at first we might date again, but about a month after our break-up, he assured me that even though at one point he was desperately in love with me, he had moved on and we would never date again, but he would like to keep me as a close friend. This really surprised me because he doesn't really easily let go of things. He harbors things for a LONG time. He said he wanted to be friends with all of his exes....so he wanted me to take my time and come back and tell him when we could be friends.

 

Now, he has moved closer to where I am (not for me, for something else) and we see each other everyday. I have communicated to him that since the break-up I have changed a lot and if we hang out we DO risk falling for each other again, but the risk is now very tiny because I have changed so much. i told him I was glad we broke up. He addressed everything I told him, except being friends, how I had changed or that the break-up was a good thing.

 

Now that I see him everyday, he always seems very excited to see me and apparently a lot of people I don't even know know a lot about the situation through him which makes me wonder what he tells them (as in people he knows that I don't know knew me in relation to having dated him at one point and one of them even said they had heard quite a bit about me through him). He wanted to sit with me at this concert and I have sat and talked to him for large amounts of time, but nothing to do with "being friends", etc.

 

So last week I sent him a note saying it would be really cool if we could hang out again because I miss him as a friend and I don't think we're going to fall for each other if we just hang out as friends and if he's worried about "leading me on", he doesn't need to be. I got no response...well so far.

 

I then gave him a card on his birthday that just said "Happy birthday" and nothing else. I saw him the next day and he talked to me (initiated by him), but didn't mention anything about a thank you or an anything, which is VERY unlike him to just ignore something from someone unless there is a reason behind it.

 

I asked some mutual friends if he just doesn't care about me and they said he has never expressed how he feels about me in terms of as friends or romantically to them, but he has expressed that he still cares about me and likes me as a person. I know he harbors guilty feelings quite a bit...so maybe he feels guilty about what happened, i don't know.

 

So what is going on here? Are we never going to be friends again? Does he just not want anything to do with me? Was asking to be friends the wrong thing to do? Does he think I have ulterior motives and is staying away from me or is he just upset that I'm not expressing my undying love for him, is that what he wants? I can't tell. I mean I know I should give him space, but I can't tell WHY...and it really bothers me. I have tried to get him to open up by telling him exactly how I feel about the situation and I wasn't told anything in return.

 

And of course people are going to say "Why does it matter?", but it does because he was so incredibly important to me that now that we are in this situation, I don't want to just lose him completely. We had always said we would be friends if we broke up, so why aren't we?

 

And am I so unimportant that he can be friends with all of his exes but not me? I was his only real girlfriend and only girl I know so far he's ever loved...so it just doesn't make sense how it took him so long to get over those girls and then was able to progress to being their friends, but he was over me in a snap of his fingers and CAN'T be friends.

 

he either feels obligated to talk to me, which seems unlikely from his behavior or hasn't moved on. people say those are both two extremes, but else would it be?