to anyone who is having trouble blocking their toxic ex: here’s my story

[paisleypanther]


Previous posts about my past relationship:
https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/674107-trouble-coping-after-losing-ex-friends

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/676131-two-months-after-breakup-i-still-dream-about-my-ex

 

So I finally did it. After three months of no contact, I blocked my ex. It wasn’t something I wanted to do, but it was something that needed to happen.


When we went no contact, it was only supposed to be temporary. We were still “friends,” and there was even some vague talk of getting back together eventually. We stopped talking, but he never unfollowed me on any social media platforms. In fact, he would religiously view my stories and like my photos. For a while, it stroked my ego. I though, “man, he really sees what he’s missing out on. Maybe he wishes we hadn’t broken up.” I was wrong. He didn’t miss me. If he did, he could have messaged me and said so.

 

He just wanted to keep one foot in the door. I know this because he’s doing it to others. On Monday, I found out he unblocked and followed the girl who supposedly “sexually assaulted” him while we were together. Why in the world would he refollow someone who sexually assaulted him (unless, of course, he was lying)? It became very apparent to me that he not only lied, but would rather wrongfully accuse a woman of sexual assault than take responsibility for cheating. I’m sure the girl didn’t even know he had a girlfriend because she’s from out of state and he was always very low-key about our relationship. She doesn’t follow him back on anything, which is a real knee-slapper to me. Poor girl probably wants nothing to do with him. 


 

Finding this out crushed me. I realized I had been in love with a man I didn’t even know. In counseling, my therapist asked me if there was anything I used to appreciate about him. I couldn’t say anything. How could I appreciate a complete stranger? I don’t want to wait for a person who was willing to accuse someone of sexual assault in order to avoid responsibility. I don’t want to wait for someone who was trying to get with a girl he cheated with during my relationship. I’m way too smart for his tricks now. Now that he’s blocked, my ex will never have a chance to try again. He’ll never get a chance to reconcile.

 

It’s so weird because the day after I blocked my ex, my sister ran into him at the mall. He asked how I'm doing, which is ironic. He never cared about my feelings in the past and he certainly doesn’t care now. My sister said I'm happy and succeeding at university. 
If I hadn’t block him on Monday, he might have tried to contact me after seeing my sister. I might have been trapped in his lies again. Looking back, I think I really dodged a bullet. He doesn’t deserve to access me whenever he wants. And if your ex is anything like mine, they don’t deserve it either.

[Secondplanet]

Thanks for sharing that, I'm currently trying to cut off myself from my toxic ex but we're stuck together for 1 more month while the house sells. It was something i never thought was going to happen but it did. I cried for a week straight, all day every day for that week my cheeks were damp from tears, but i had some great people who helped me accept what happened and when i did i started seeing how bad our relationship was.

 

She accused me of being lazy and not doing enough around the house but i'm disabled physically but i never really put much thought as i just tired to do more, and more i did. She made stipulations on when/how we can be physical with each other but still backed out when conditions were met. She even drove my friends away saying they weren't real friends. Its amazing what love blinds us to, while i just brushed off as either exhaustion or playful banter was actually her taking advantage of me and taking my emotions for granted.

 

But i still have times i long for her back, like it was all a bad dream or something but i know this was for the best and have to keep reminding myself how toxic they are.

[Cornputer]

Thanks for sharing. I look back at myself and today, it’s all so surreal to me. How I used to cry and beg, I would hurt so bad over someone who, I guess, got off on it or whatever.

 

It will hurt, but just sit with it. Time will heal you. Best revenge is to live your best life, only for you. You will come out so much stronger and better. Let them stay broken all they want.

[paisleypanther]

Hey Cornputer,

 

I totally understand looking back and realizing how desperate I was for his love. I thought to myself, "he isn't intentionally hurting me, he really does care." Honestly you can just look at my posts on the no-contact support thread. There's a lot of begging. I'm finally at the point where I know I was too good for him.

 

Best revenge is to live your best life, only for you. You will come out so much stronger and better. Let them stay broken all they want.

 

This has honestly been the most helpful for me. Instead of worrying about what he's doing all the time, I worked as hard as I could and minded my own business. Now I'm succeeding at university and looking to apply to graduate school next semester while he'll be going on his fourth year at community college because he has no motivation. I've also been able to make a lot of friends. It's comforting to know they like me for me and not because I'm their friend's partner. Looking at myself now, I'm in a much better place than I was before my relationship. Just gotta make sure I keep growing and bettering myself.

[paisleypanther]

I cried for a week straight, all day every day for that week my cheeks were damp from tears, but i had some great people who helped me accept what happened and when i did i started seeing how bad our relationship was.

 

That moment of realization is one of the hardest things. I remember when I was still with my ex and he looked at me like he wouldn't care if I died. He would make jokes about me being dumb, even though we both knew I wasn't. He would tear me down and pretend he was joking. I tried to excuse his behavior because of his horrible past. But I know many people who don't use their trauma to abuse people. I'm glad you had friends to help you out during that time.

 

But i still have times i long for her back, like it was all a bad dream or something but i know this was for the best and have to keep reminding myself how toxic they are.

 

Just recently, I was having a lot of dreams about my ex. They were always romantic. Deep down, I really did think we would get back together... even though the relationship was definitely emotionally abusive. I still dream about my ex, but not in the same way. I'm not longing for him. It's always dreams about him taunting me. I really have internalized how toxic he is as a person. Truly understanding how toxic your ex is doesn't happen all at one, it's a process. I hope it goes smoothly for you.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know the saying "time heals all wounds" is cliche. But it's true. Things will get better with time. Be sure to give yourself the distance you need from your ex.