Do women who are very successful have difficulty dating

[Eternal Sunshine]

That's the problem. If I want to go on a fancy vacation, I want the guy to pay for his half. If I am footing the bill, it already means that he is using me for money. I don't care about his 2 ex wives that are bleeding him dry. Why do I have to pay for it?

 

 

 

Also, it's well known that guys don't care about a woman's career. I want someone who will care about more than looks and pleasant disposition. I want someone to respect, admire and value me for what I have achieved. Not just "meh, I guess it's not an obstacle". Men are valued for it. Why not women?

[Els]

Many successful hetero women would really benefit from having a "wife".

Many women can buy such support in the form of nannies, house keepers, personal assistants etc. but it is rarely the same as having the all round support a good wife can bring. It is a handicap for many women.

 

 

Right, I agree. It does cut both ways though - generally a woman who wants to be a purely-support SAHM would have less difficulty finding a partner than a man who wants to be such (still difficult, but less so). IME women are less willing to be the sole breadwinner than men are, although that might be related to the fact that men are less willing to be a good supporter (obviously, a spouse who has no career AND doesn't look after the house and other PA stuff would be a no-go for just about anybody).

[Els]

Thank you for this post. Are your friends 50+ ? I’m interested to see if other’s experiences.

 

 

Mostly in their 30s, plus or minus ten years. I don't think being 50+ would make it more difficult in this aspect though, as a matter of fact if kids are out of the equation, I'd think it'd be more equal.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

Many men are willing to support their partner's careers. It's almost the norm in the socioeconomic environment I live in - they both are high achievers, they both cut their hours when kids arrive on the scene, some men take a back seat when their wives do the career thing. Women playing a support role is becoming a minority (and kind of a luxury) in a lot of western or westernised places.

 

I have a feeling that OP's situation is not your run of the mill, average 'success' situation and that her financial and / or social standing makes her an outlier even among 'successful' people.

 

In that case, virtually all her chances will hang on how down-to-earth and secure in herself she can be (imo).

 

You have nailed it exactly little black heart.

[Wallysbears]

I am professionally quite successful...and can be a royal b*tch in the work place if I need to be. Key being *if* I NEED to be. For the most part, I'm pretty outgoing and friendly to individuals though.

 

I never had any issues in dating and I've dated both equal career path men as well as men who had different career paths.

 

My husband is in a completely different profession and some years does better than me financially, other years worse, but he owns his own business. He's also a very secure type and isn't phased...and has/would happily support me staying at home instead of being in corporate America if/when that desire suits me.

[thefooloftheyear]

That's the problem. If I want to go on a fancy vacation, I want the guy to pay for his half. If I am footing the bill, it already means that he is using me for money. I don't care about his 2 ex wives that are bleeding him dry. Why do I have to pay for it?

 

 

 

Also, it's well known that guys don't care about a woman's career. I want someone who will care about more than looks and pleasant disposition. I want someone to respect, admire and value me for what I have achieved. Not just "meh, I guess it's not an obstacle". Men are valued for it. Why not women?

 

 

It's fine to have requests/demands....That's your right and I urge you to stick to them if that's what you need ...

 

That being said, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize that at this age, the "good" men are in the drivers seat...They hold most of the cards...They can pick and choose who they want, many even go younger....Some much younger...and do it easily...

 

I guess the only point I am trying to make here is that if you are a woman and actually want a relationship with a guy that isn't some old dud with a horrible physique, dowdy looks, a jaded and angry personality, etc, then maybe you have to explore some things that you typically would consider out of bounds....Otherwise, stick to your guns and try to find the Unicorn or maybe you can settle for a Peter Pan type that never grew up...I dunno..

 

TFY

[JuneL]

What if a woman making $300k wants to go on a luxury vacation that her teacher boyfriend making $60k can’t afford?

 

OP: I’m just curious...on the one hand, you said you’re completely fine with dating a teacher; on the other hand, you’re not okay paying stuff for him. So practically, how’re you going to handle your different lifestyles? Would it be okay if you adjust down your lifestyle so that he can afford splitting all the expenses with you? From his perspective, he might not feel comfortable having his girlfriend pay for stuff that he can’t afford.

 

I’m also curious to know if many guys would feel comfortable having their gf pay for stuff they couldn’t afford.

 

This can be an issue because one of my good friends is married to someone whose income is clearly much lower (just barely 6 figures), and yet they split everything down to the middle. My friend would go on some nice vacations that the spouse can’t join; their house is a clear downgrade from the house my friend previously owned...

Edited March 4, 2019 by JuneL

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

OP: I’m just curious...on the one hand, you said you’re completely fine with dating a teacher; on the other hand, you’re not okay paying stuff for him.

 

I am happy to adjust my lifestyle to meet someone with lesser resources budget. I would be happy to buy nice gifts if it was a special occasion but not as a matter of course.

Edited April 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mark clemson]

PLB, the 10 year old will be an issue for some of the men as well. But I think that's ok: you don't want those men.

 

You sound pretty interesting: successful, independent, petite blonde with 10 year old who's into Jung (and probably some other interesting intellectual stuff as well).

 

I think you definitely need to look for the right guy. Who isn't put off by the things you are worried about, or your kid, and also appreciates you for your brain. Be selective. The petite blond and career success aspects will just be icing on the cake to him.

 

When you're eventually successful, I believe you can look forward to long, thoughtful conversations and deep emotional bonding. That's probably true for many couples, but I'm going to guess particularly so in your case.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

PLB, the 10 year old will be an issue for some of the men as well. But I think that's ok: you don't want those men.

 

You sound pretty interesting: successful, independent, petite blonde with 10 year old who's into Jung (and probably some other interesting intellectual stuff as well).

 

I think you definitely need to look for the right guy. Who isn't put off by the things you are worried about, or your kid, and also appreciates you for your brain. Be selective. The petite blond and career success aspects will just be icing on the cake to him.

 

When you're eventually successful, I believe you can look forward to long, thoughtful conversations and deep emotional bonding. That's probably true for many couples, but I'm going to guess particularly so in your case.

Thank you what a lovely thing to say.

[chillii]

That's the problem. If I want to go on a fancy vacation, I want the guy to pay for his half. If I am footing the bill, it already means that he is using me for money. I don't care about his 2 ex wives that are bleeding him dry. Why do I have to pay for it?

 

 

 

Also, it's well known that guys don't care about a woman's career. I want someone who will care about more than looks and pleasant disposition. I want someone to respect, admire and value me for what I have achieved. Not just "meh, I guess it's not an obstacle". Men are valued for it. Why not women?

 

 

 

 

But see this to me is where things get very muddy like so many other areas of so called equality.

So if he's well off but your the teacher , that must mean you won't let him shout you a fancy vacation because you obviously wouldn't want him footing the bill for you either then right.

lf l was wealthy and she wasn't , who givsafk of course l'd shout my w or serious relationship whatever we needed most men would . But it's always a whole nother murky story if the shoes on the other foot yet the sitch is no different.

He could be used up too.

Edited March 5, 2019 by chillii

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

But see this to me is where things get very muddy like so many other areas of so called equality.

So if he's well off but your the teacher , that must mean you won't let him shout you a fancy vacation because you obviously wouldn't want him footing the bill for you either then right.

lf l was wealthy and she wasn't , who givsafk of course l'd shout my w or serious relationship whatever we needed most men would . But it's always a whole nother murky story if the shoes on the other foot yet the sitch is no different.

He could be used up too.

 

I agree with you. No one should be using anyone up.

[Sunnydaysandsome]

I think successful women (whatever that means) have difficulty with men who aren't confident in themselves. They are more scared that a 'successful woman' will reject them.

 

Lack of confidence in men seems a major issue in dating.

[chillii]

Actually , l think that's just another thing women come up with but nope not at all for me personally or for most guys l'd know.

We do have a few multi millionaire mega successful types in my family too, but most are married with like minded men or women and that;s the key l guess. There's plenty of very successful men around.

But for say me or the types of guys l know personally it'd just be unpractical and just a bad match for a whole range of things. lt's just like any other area, we all need our match, like minded and things in common , miss matches just end up bad.

 

Like , not saying the op , you seem like a v/warm caring person but they can often be cold hard people too these successful type woman, big turn off.

And they'll be busy as hell, another one. Because say for me, l have a lot of free time because that's the way l like it.

And, they'd mix with a different type of people than l do , probably all these other mega successful types , not my thing at all.

And then there's the money and success side of things. Most guys know women will have all the attitudes and ideas talked about all through the thread , well who could be fkd with that, if that's not the way he is, no one l mix with in RL could be bothered with that.

And who could be fkd with being expected to live up to her success and lifestyle , same again most guys l know couldn't care less about any of that, they've shaped their life and whatever their work in the way they like it so for them, again, it's just a miss match.

Most guys are very practical and see the writing on the wall fairly quickly with this woman or that and if it's not gonna suit the way they like things , their life, living, they'll back out.

 

But then l'm just a working class type person with a small business and most of the guys l know are similar and that's the way we like it.

The wealthier ones in the family for example , l rarely see or have anything in common with they're just totally different people.

So personally l think it's as just like anything else in a relationship , things in common , like minded and in this case say some successful type.

Edited March 16, 2019 by chillii

[chillii]

PLB, the 10 year old will be an issue for some of the men as well. But I think that's ok: you don't want those men.

 

Yep , go with this one op and your own instincts and feelings about everything and you'll be just fine . Anddd , l'd say he'll be a very very lucky man to have found such an obviously very special person.

Good luck with everything.

Edited April 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Garcon1986]

I am in your situation but I am a bloke! Never fail in your determination! Someday someone will find you special. Sending a man to the moon took a tremendous degree of effort. But - the thing is, they never gave up.

[elaine567]

It is a pyramid, the closer you are to the top the less people there are around you similar to you. You can reach up but there are even less people on that layer.

If you want to increase chances with more people then you have to reach down a layer or a few layers...

You can however just stay on your own layer and hopefully Mr/Miss Right will come along at some point.

[BluEyeL]

I ama successful woman , I think, Or moderately successful. I am an Engineering Professor at a major university and make (low) six figures.

 

I am now 47 yo but started dating at 41. I wasn’t very slim at that time , I was wearing size 12 US. So not the typical “attractive “ woman. I am also a first generation immigrant and have an accent which I think doesn’t help with dating, especially since I live in the Midwest.

 

Now, I never had problems getting dates. I never believed men I went on dates with were intimidated. I’m not abrasive, I was told I have an open and friendly personality and I think that helps. I always tried not to present my profession as that much of a big deal. Maybe downplayed it a bit .

 

I did not date but only people with careers and degrees although not Ph.Ds. More important to me was that they had a secure career not just a job . My first husband left me because while we met at 19, I became more successful than him. He told me he can’t stand it and that when he married me he didn’t know I was so smart . Literally that’s what he said to me, like it was a flaw. He said he feels he’s in my shadow.

 

So I was looking for a partner who was secure and wouldn’t feel threatened by my career. That technically did narrow my dating pool but in reality, like I said, I didn’t have problems .

 

It did take 18 months of intense dating for me to find my husband. I read many many books about dating, had a dating coach, and ended up knowing what I was doing. The key was for me to only have 3 must haves in a man. When your dating pool is narrow you can’t mathematically get everything you may want in theory. I only put 3 must haves on my list:kind, emotionally stable ,stable career and income. Height hair looks being funny or not etc were not on my list. Everything else besides the 3 things are gravy.

 

My H is a very successful man,, 7 years older than me, doesn’t have a PhD but has a masters, has a great career and makes a lot more money than me. And has the three things I wanted.

 

With the teacher , if he felt that way , it wouldn’t have worked out. You need to find a man who is not insecure and you can do it. It may take a bit longer than for others but men for you are out there if you know what to look for.

 

Apologies for grammar and typos , I’m typing from the phone and didn’t proof read

Edited March 17, 2019 by BluEyeL

[FMW]

I'm going to appropriate your 3 qualities list, BluEyeL, I love it!

[mark clemson]

@PLB - think this is the kind of thing some of your men are afraid of (long but my point is that OP had his GF go for a doctor).

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/personal-rants-confessions/681619-alone-devastated

[JuneL]

@PLB - think this is the kind of thing some of your men are afraid of (long but my point is that OP had his GF go for a doctor).

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/personal-rants-confessions/681619-alone-devastated

 

I just checked out that thread. The OP had plenty of issues himself. He’s keeping his ex-gf at an arm’s length, and even used his cancer as an excuse to avoid sex. She stuck around for a few years in a sexless relationship.

[mark clemson]

Ah, you have a point JuneL. I should have read it more closely. The stuff about the Dr. made me think of PLB's posts/issue but I didn't pay enough attn to the rest...

[OatsAndHall]

It's only been an issue once and it wasn't due to their success, it was due to the disparity between incomes and tastes that came with that income.

 

I dated a woman who is a PA and made a very good living; three times my salary as a teacher. We had fun but it became apparent early on that she had more expensive tastes in entertainment that I did. She was a pleasant enough woman but a "quick lunch" during the week for her was basically something I could only afford once a month. She enjoyed attending symphonies, concerts and plays that were out of my price range. She did far more traveling than I could afford as well. It became apparent after three weeks of seeing her that she needed to see someone with a little better income in order to share her tastes.

 

It really came down to the traveling. She texted me and asked if I wanted to go away with her to an upscale spa and resort for a weekend but my bank account said "NOPE" and I had to decline. She was used to those little impromptu getaways and I didn't have the money for it. So, we called it off, no harm, no foul.

Edited April 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[JuneL]

It's only been an issue once and it wasn't due to their success, it was due to the disparity between incomes and tastes that came with that income.

 

That’s exactly the type of situation I asked the OP about earlier in the thread. When the man is the one making a lot more, he would just cover for the woman’s expenses. But when the woman is making a lot more, either she wouldn’t be willing to cover for the guy or the guy would feel odd (or both).

Edited April 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[OatsAndHall]

I made substantially more money than my last gf and I didn't mind picking up the tab the majority of the time. She paid for what she could but I understood that money was tight for her. But, we're talking about buying a $30 dinner or picking up the tickets for a matinee; not spending over $500 for a few days at a spa. I would have had a tough time accepting that kind of generosity from the woman I had only been seeing for a few weeks.

 

I didn't mind her dropping the $100 for symphony tickets seeing as I offered to take her to a movie that night but she had her mind set on seeing that concert and she offered. I will admit, our dinner dates were a little awkward as a) she liked to go out to eat and b) her favorite restaurants are the places in town I'm used to going to once a year. A dinner at Olive Garden was considered slumming it. Lol..

 

To be honest, even if I made more money, her choices in food and entertainment were far more upscale than mine. I'm not a cheap-skate, by any means, but consistent, $80 sushi dinners at places where I have to wear a sports coat and tie will never be my thing. I certainly don't begrudge her hose tastes; we just didn't mesh well in that aspect.

 

She's a pleasant woman and I hope she met someone with the same interests. I wondered if dating her was going to be problematic as I've known her since high school and she comes from a wealthy family. Her father was a lawyer and her mother was a professor at the local university.

Edited April 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator