My ex has been texting me

[Quokka]

Me 22(m) and my ex 24(f) broke up 5 months ago. For about the fourth time. We’ve been on and off dating for about 6 years. We have a connection that in the way that both of us just understand each other and how one another feels and it’s made it very hard for the both of us to move on.

When we broke up we both knew it was coming I was constantly stressed with work and couldn’t really be there like she needed and I had a lot of growing up to do. She was constantly depressed as we both suffer from major depression and have coped in the past with abusing substance mostly being alcohol. This was putting major strain on our relationship because we never drank normally always got drunk and would usually end with a fight. We knew we loved each other though above all so we’d just keep trying but as fights got more frequent and the severity kept increasing she eventually shut off and we broke up. I moved back home afterwards.

I immediately started up NC and had a few drunken mishaps in the first couple months but would always return to NC. Realized I need to move on and move forward and I’ve been doing just that, self work, advancing in my career, exploring new hobbies and places etc.

Now that you’re caught up, just last week I receive a text from her at midnight just saying “hey” I was asleep so replied back the next morning with a hey and she says “I really hope we can be friends one day because I really miss you” I declined politely stating that “being friends with you would just complicate my moving on from our relationship process hope you understand” she said she did and I asked “do you still have romantic feelings towards me” (I did this mostly out of curiosity and affirmation but being a sucker for pain also contributed) she told me that she did and that’s why she texted me. I was taken back and just told her that I’ve been working on myself and hopefully she has to she said she has been and these were all pretty lengthy texts coming from both me and her. And I ended it with a “maybe we should revisit when we’re feeling better, keep in touch” she replied with “I will always love you” just now, she texted me today saying “I just really need you to tell me you care because I’m past the point of suicidal thoughts” I was freaked out a bit and asked her what was going on and if she was going to hurt herself and how worried should I be. She just told me she needed the person who understood her and that she was going to try and sleep it off and apologized for texting me. I told her to let me know she was okay when she woke up. She did this and said “sorry for texting you again, I’m in a really bad spot right now” I said “ it’s okay just take care of yourself.”

I’m worried about her and honestly I love this girl and don’t truly want to move on because I have always wanted to marry her one day. Regardless of how messy we are emotionally. I just love her. But, I will move on if I absolutely have to. She’s just making it a lot harder for me because 1. I don’t really want to in the first place. And 2. She keeps reaching out and saying the I love you’s and the I miss you’s.

I don’t want to block her because now she has mentioned her suicidal thoughts, how serious she is, is unclear but she has a lot to live for and she knows that but this girl can get really down and out when she’s like that so I know exactly how she’s feeling right now because I too suffer like her. So blocking her I feel would be just unfair when someone I love is hurting like that. But at the same time, it’s making my moving on process difficult. So, it feels like I’m just losing altogether. I really wish me and her could just come together because obviously we’re both hurting from the break up and not having each other but every time we get back together we always break up. And we always say we’re growing and changing which we are but who knows man it just sucks. I want to be with her and come together but also tired of feeling like I’m in an endless loop. We clearly, love and feel as if we need each other so what’s the problem?

I know it’s a lengthy read and I kinda rambled but any thoughts or second opinions are appreciated. Be kind please because this is really hurting me.

[ExpatInItaly]

Reading back through your past threads about her and your relationship - you two profoundly confuse love with codependency.

 

I don't doubt that you share a connection after 6 years spent together, but that does not mean it's a healthy connection worth hanging on to anymore. You have previously spoken about how she cheated on you, used you for money and generally was dishonest and disrespectful. You have also conceded that you struggle with control, jealousy and alcohol abuse. Both of you clearly have your own troubles to sort out, and together, you're dysfunctional.

 

The only way you're ever going to move forward, I believe, is to get some help for yourself in understanding why you are so attached to this toxicity. While I do think blocking her would be your best move for the moment, I also don't think it's ultimately going to prevent you from falling into another unhealthy relationship with someone else.

[Quokka]

Reading back through your past threads about her and your relationship - you two profoundly confuse love with codependency.

 

I don't doubt that you share a connection after 6 years spent together, but that does not mean it's a healthy connection worth hanging on to anymore. You have previously spoken about how she cheated on you, used you for money and generally was dishonest and disrespectful. You have also conceded that you struggle with control, jealousy and alcohol abuse. Both of you clearly have your own troubles to sort out, and together, you're dysfunctional.

 

The only way you're ever going to move forward, I believe, is to get some help for yourself in understanding why you are so attached to this toxicity. While I do think blocking her would be your best move for the moment, I also don't think it's ultimately going to prevent you from falling into another unhealthy relationship with someone else.

 

So basically I’m doomed