hobbs Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 This feels like crap. I was dating this great woman for 2 months. We met online, but we have a bunch of mutual friends, and we went to school together as kids but we weren't friends. We started dating in Dec. She got out of a relationship in the summer, and she told me her friends were on her to end it with her ex because he was an alcoholic and not good to her. We went out and it was amazing. We started dating. And she'd tell me how she couldn't stop thinking about me, and we'd spend most days together. But I started to pick up on a few red flags in that first month. Her ex was in a band, and had long hair. She randomly asked me if I'd ever grown my hair out. I was also playing music on her phone, and it shows the recently searched for songs. And she'd searched 'still in love with you'. But I brushed that off. Things were still great with us, great in bed, good communication. But there were still things, like she wouldn't hold my hand, or get super cuddly. Then one night she told me she had a weird night, her ex called her a few times and was telling her how much he missed her. And then she told me he got pissed when she said she wasn't going back to him and he started yelling and cursing at her and she hung up. Again, I brushed it off. I'd never been a rebound relationship, but I was starting to wonder if I was in one. I also looked up her Facebook, which she told me she didn't have, and it still has her ex listed as her current boyfriend. Which again, I brushed off. A little more than a month into dating we became official. And that's when she started to get distant. One word texts, asking if she could sleep alone some nights, cold. Then during the end of a weekend together she told me she didn't feel it anymore with us, and didn't see anything coming from it. In the days after I called her to talk. I asked if she was still hung up on her ex. She paused, then said he was still very much on her mind but she would never be in a relationship with him again. Was I just in a rebound thing? Was I used for sex and emotional support? I just feel so ****ty because I have real feelings for her, but it seems like she's still in love with her ex. Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 The wisdom is that one needs a year after a relationship to be ready to date. She had not spent enough time getting over him. Were you used? Some women in position were able to move forward with her new man. Others were not able to do so. Starting any relationship is a risk. Be happy you were getting laid. You will find another woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 You probably were used. But that doesn't mean she wasn't in to you, she probably just didn't even realize herself that she wasn't ready to be involved with someone else. You were in a losing battle from the start. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Yep you were a rebound. You can't fix her so stay far away Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Ya. Rebound. But you had a good time so at least there was that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hobbs Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 Just sucks guys. She was my childhood crush too from I was a kid. Found her in my 30's, went out, everything was going amazing. Thought maybe this was it. Nope, rebound treatment hit. Ah well. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Hobbs, two things here. I agree with Finding, she probably didn't know - until she knew. Like many things in life, there's just no substitute for experience. She may have had all the best intentions and simply failed at the task. I give her credit for being honest with you and pulling the plug quickly. But secondly, this whole relationship lasted two months or so, from beginning to peak to end. You seem a little over-invested for such a short romance, especially considering some of the cautionary signs you described. There's something to be said for a more reasoned approach, especially in a time of instant gratification and short attention spans. Live and learn... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Please don’t be tempted to go after her again. The only chance this might work one day is when she’s healed. Maybe then she’ll realize she lost a great guy for a bad reason. It stings, I know. That’s why I don’t touch with a 10 foot pole recent divorcées or people who broke up a few months ago. Not worth it, sure heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
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