I feel like I screwed it up, what do I do now?

[Vitrichenko2215]

Unhappy I feel like I screwed it up, what do I do now?

Hi guys, thank you for taking time to read and giving me any advices, I'd really appreciate. And sorry for my English, it's not my first language, plz be easy on me.

 

My ex broke up with me while I visited him in his country on 20 Jan.

We were LDR. After that I went no contact for one month, I called him on 21 Feb. We had quite nice conversation. Last Friday he called me before his trip, it was our third time phone call ( I didn't call him much in order not to bug him )

I thought it'd be just like other light talk ( I don't want to put the pressure on him ) out of the blue, he asked if I'm seeing anyone else? I think he still cares about me and maybe wants to get back. He then asked another question which he used to ask : what's your plan for the future? We've been talked about it many times, he makes it clear that he wouldn't move to my country, and he can't stand being apart, this has always been our issue. I visited him twice last summer and new year tried to know how it will be if we move in together. Unfortunately it didn't work out, we fought all the time. I don't speak his language and I was kinda stuck in his flat when he goes to work, I became needy and anxious, that's why he broke up with me. And now he brought those issues up: can I handle my anger problems and do I / can I feel happy in his country? I didn't see this coming, I was being open minded which I shouldn't have to told him I have anxiety attachment style, I'm now seeing therapist to working on it, but it would be a lie if I said I'm totally changed. And the future plan it's just not my priority now, I only wanna make sure are we getting back together? I guess I didn't give him the answer he wants. After one and half hour back and forward discuss, he said its better we stop here, it's impossible for us to be together which he said at first break up, he then told me we will talk after his trip and he will let me know.

 

He will back to his country next week, I'm now very anxious that I feel I blew off the chance that we might get back together, I think I didn't make it clear and firm that I want him back that I'll do anything to make it better, I was acting a bit chill during the conversation coz I don't wanna put pressure on him. But now it seems too late. Should I call him during this trip? He travels with family and it's the first time we are in the same time zone! Should I give it a try again since now I figure out what's he want? Or I just move on? I'd be appreciated if you guys can give me any thoughts or opinions. Thank you!

[elaine567]

And the future plan it's just not my priority now, I only wanna make sure are we getting back together?

 

If you are not going to move to his country then he sees no future and with no future what is the point?

Most people do not want to be in long term LDRs.

Love doesn't conquer all, there has to be practical considerations respected and if you do not want to live with him in his home, then you are incompatible as a couple.

[FMW]

You could spend your time learning the language while he is at work, find someone there to tutor you. You could then look for work yourself and make friends and be more independent of him.

 

My first thought though was that you shouldn't have to twist yourself into knots to make a relationship work.

 

I would NOT call him while he is on his trip. Use this time to think very seriously about what you want to do, and don't base it on fear of losing him. Think long term, what will be best for you.

[Vitrichenko2215]

To elaine567:

Thank you for your opinion, the thing is I never say I don't wanna move to his

country, it's just we've been fighting constantly when I was there, that's why I don't wanna jump to the gun to say I'm gonna move in with him right after the break up. But you are right, maybe I didn't make this clear. So he thought I don't wanna live with him, and of course it is pointless to continue.

[Vitrichenko2215]

To Finding my way:

The situation is a bit tough for me that he lived in suburb where takes 1hour to Drive to downtown, and I'm a city girl whole my life, i don't even know how to drive:lmao: it was hard for me to adjust. I guess that's why we were fighting all the time. I'll take your advice not to call him during his trip and surely I really have to think about it seriously, thank you for your advice!