Digg955 Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Hello and thank you for listening in advance. I was with my ex gf for about 7 years and during that 7 years I learned she was an alcoholic and compulsive gambler. When she was not drinking or gambling she was exactly what I wanted in a gf. When she was drinking and gambling (they went together) she was a different person. She was aggressive and abusive both verbally and physically. Over the years we split up numerous times over her addictions and she always promised to stop and we would get back together. The last straw was about 7 months ago she spend ALL our bill money when she got drunk and took off to the casino while I was at work. I broke up with her and kicked her out (my apartment). A few months went by and I had no contact with her and someone else asked me out so I decided to go because I was feeling so depressed, sad and alone. We hit it off great and she really, really is into me. We have been dating now for about 5 months and she treats me better than anyone I have ever been with. She completely loves everything about me and is an extremely good person. She does not drink or gamble and my family loves her and that was not the case at all with my other gf (they HATED her). My ex now sees when my new gf car is not here and she starts texting and calling me and leaving me messages. She cries and begs for me to come back and tells me how much she still loves me and wants to be with me. In her messages she says everyone makes mistakes and she needs help and I should not have abandoned her. She does not understand me not wanting to give it another try since I have only been with my new gf for a short period of time. I still have very strong feelings for my ex because when she was sober things were awesome and we truly loved each other. When we split I was physically sick and had anxiety and panic attacks for the first 5-6 weeks. Now with all the texts and calls those feelings are coming back and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night (with my new gf in bed) short of breath and gasping for air due to the stress and anxiety. It's not fair that I have these feelings about my ex still and I feel bad for my new gf. I even have some problems with wanting to be intimate with my new gf that I never had with my ex. She has no idea that I still feel like this or that my ex has been constantly trying to get me back. She is not good for me and I know it but I cant get rid of these feelings. I don't know what to do? How can I get over this? Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 I'd start by blocking her number. She can only pull on your heart strings and send you into a panic if you let her. I know it's hard but it's necessary. Don't you find it creepy that she's able to track your gf's car? These are red flags. You've given her 7 years of chances, it's unlikely anything will ever change. 2 months is way too soon to process a 7 year relationship. So it's understandable that you still have unresolved feelings for the ex. The only real solution right now is to block all means of contact that she has with you. I also suggest finding a therapist that you can talk to about your feelings since it's not like you can confide in the new girl and likely not your family, especially since there was a reason you hung onto someone that was that bad for your overall health and well-being for over half a decade. Link to post Share on other sites
Secondplanet Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Hope you don't mind me piggybacking on this, same situation in some sense so want to hear opinions, My ex didn't have a gambling problem but does have Bipolar and BPD and really didn't go to counseling as she was suppose to and had similar outbursts except for material things like clothing shoes that if she didn't get it she was hell to live with. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 As wonderful as your new GF is as a person she is in your life for all the wrong reasons. You on-boarded her to fill the hole left by your addict GF's departure. You were never ready to be in a new relationship. You just didn't want to be alone. Take some time & go to an Al-Anon meeting. It's a support group for people like you who love addicts. They will open your eyes to things that went on in your relationship & hopefully give you insights to move forward in healthy way. Link to post Share on other sites
Lexbaby Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 It will go away when you decide it will. This is the day you decide to move away from the thoughts of her, hopes, and the relationship that doesn’t exist and never did. A relationship certainly existed for 7 years, just not the one you think. You invested a lot of time and now feel like your investment has no return. The day you decide to start picking yourself up to make a new investment with a return is the day pain goes away. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 It isn't fair of your ex to waltz in and out of your life whenever it's convenient for her. And it's having consequences now for you. My belief is that resolving to fully move on from her 100%, including blocking her and completely avoiding her on social media will make this easier for you. (Maybe not an instant fix, but easier.) At the core of this, you are allowing her what little power she still has over you by hoping for another go at it. Once you fully resolve that it's over from your side, you take that away. It's easier said than done, but it certainly can be done. Then you can fully recover emotionally. And then you can appraise your new GF correctly - fully on her own merits/faults, without comparison to your ex. I think you owe both you and her that. Link to post Share on other sites
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