Parents are in an abusive relationship. I don't know how to support.

[LightWave93]

A different thread from me.

 

There's a tl;dr at the bottom.

 

Ever since I was aged 12 my parent's relationship has been on the rocks. Although both lovely people in their own way, they also have some very unhealthy behaviors that negatively effect their life to a significant degree. I grew up in their household and suffered the consequences of such an environment (depression, low self-esteem etc), but was fortunately able to move past this for the most part with professional help and perseverance.

 

To cut a long story short; my father is prejudiced against a lot of different groups, and could easily be seen as racist / sexist / homophobic. More relevant to this situation, however, is his personal war against religion; specifically, Jehovah's Witnesses. He cannot stand them, is not open to changing his point of view, and has been aggressive towards them on more than one occasion.

 

This includes my mother, who practices the faith.

 

Around the age of 12, life circumstances brought my mum back into practicing the faith. From the outside looking in to their relationship, she does nothing that I personally would consider detrimental to their marriage. She goes to meetings, the ministry, worship events etc, as well as socializing with her new-found friends. On top of this, she's a typical house wife, completing pretty much all the chores around the house. My mother has a heart of gold and could never hurt anyone.

 

On the flip side, my father spends most of his days drinking, at home or at the pub, and lounging around on the sofa. He will, without provocation, intermittently insult my mother for her beliefs or make snide remarks to make her uncomfortable. He has banned any of her friends ever setting foot in the house, and all materials associated with the religion. He is constantly in a foul mood, will make remarks even when she's not present, and has on occasion insulted her friends if he happens to come across them.

 

Last night, my mum came running upstairs crying because he'd insulted her again, and suggested she leave. She shows the typical signs of an abuse victim; fear, constant anxiety, experiencing verbal assault. I was shaking with anger last night, but my hands are tied because the moment I lash out...I'm going to get kicked out, which needless to say is not ideal. My mum won't seek help from proper organisations, instead choosing to seek support from her friends / me, and whilst that latter part is all well and good...she's tied down to her beliefs, "respecting the husband / man of the house" etc. Which is another reason why I can't say or do anything, because if I did...she would instantly turn against me as she's inclined to side with my father. I didn't have ago at her about this, but I did firmly tell her all of the above. She basically kept saying she shouldn't have told me, I was overreacting etc.

 

So I'm stuck with helping her. I'm seriously considering contacting some sort of organisation to get in touch but I ain't got the slightest clue where to start.

 

**tl;dr**

 

Mum's part of a religion my father despises. He is constantly criticizing her and making her miserable / uncomfortable. I can't directly intervene, and have no knowledge of how to assist. This has been going on several years.

[Ronni_W]

Are you willing, or in a position, to contact someone at her church, to ask your questions and find out what kind of support might be available?

If preferred, do it anonymously, by contacting online, or such.

 

Best of luck.

[preraph]

Sounds like once she found herself in a abusive relationship, she reached out to find the religion again that supports her staying in it, for whatever reason. Horrible for the kids, obviously. I'd say if you really want to give her an option, you work and move out and get your own place where if she wants she could come live .