will moving to another city make me more happy?

[Highroller107]

I’ve been living in the same city for my entire life, I’m in my late 30’s. I had a few friends in the past who I hung out with but I don’t have a social group of friends that I go out with at all. I live in the Midwest, middle size town not a big city like nyc or anything like that. But it’s depressing having to drive past places where I remember being a kid, if that makes sense. Like driving past my high school or even stores I went to when I was in my teens, etc, etc. I feel I want a change with brand new people but people have told me that the same problems are going to follow me anyway and that if I’m having such a hard time making friends here then it won’t be any different in another city. Is this true?

[DKT3]

People who live on the social edge on smallville often thrive in bigger cities where they will likely find more people like them.

 

However, generally if a person is unhappy with themselves it doesn't matter where you go because you will always be with you.

[basil67]

Is it true that the problems will follow you? Yes and no. Perhaps a different city may have more options for where you can get out and meet people?

[Highroller107]

The only problems I have is trouble meeting people, making friends, dating/wanting to meet guys that didn’t grow up in the same town as I did. I want new people, bigger city, things to do, not the same festivals that I’ve been going to for the past 20 years, new things.

[basil67]

Sounds like a good idea then.

[losangelena]

I support the notion of a big move. I grew up in podunk Oregon, town of about 11,000 people, but I’ve lived in LA for almost 17 years now. Not saying that LA is for everyone, but the social opportunities that exist in a big city are great in number.

 

Just last night I went out with a group of friends I’d never been out with before—two coworkers and a few of their friends. That's the first time in a long time that’s happened, but given that there are so many more people here overall makes experiencing new things a pretty common experience. Much more common than if see the same people for three decades.

[preraph]

I think moving cities can be the best thing to happen to a person. In my case, I grew up in a middle-sized spread out central U.S. town and there wasn't much happening and very hard to find people like me. I moved to Dallas and found my niche almost immediately in a music subculture crowd.

 

But I do agree that if you are a chronically unhappy person who usually wakes up dreading the day rather than looking forward to the day, only a therapist will help that.

[DKT3]

I was raised in LA, lived in Atlanta, NYC and Dallas a couple years ago my career took me to middle earth, right in the heart of what we coasters call fly over country and I love it. Slower pace and making more money but cost of living is so much lower. It gets boring but couple hours and I'm in St Louis or Denver.

 

I was happy overall at every stop.

[preraph]

What are the problems people think will follow you? And are you generally a glass half full or glass half empty person?

[alphamale]

you can't run from your troubles highroller

[alphamale]

I was raised in LA,.

 

I lived in LA for a year. Wasn't very impressed

[d0nnivain]

If you are unhappy with yourself in place # 1 you will still be you in place # 2 so the change won't bring happiness. But if you are moving because you want a change, because you want to expand your horizons & have different experiences then a move should be just the ticket!

[LuckyM]

Impossible to say--until you mention where you live and where you want to move. Even it is very hard to know for sure.

[snowboy91]

Depends on where you are now, and what sort of city you want to move to. You're lucky that in the US you have a huge number of very different cities with very different vibes, all speaking the same language. Sure, you'll be leaving all your social contacts behind, but you get the opportunity to make new ones. However, the difficult part is setting up a whole new social group - unless you're really outgoing it can take a long time (possibly years).

 

I moved out of a very small town (around 500 people) to go to university in the state capital (about 4.2 million), and lived briefly in a city in Europe of about 1 million. I know I'm a lot happier in the city than in a small town - there are lots of opportunities to have a great social life, if you know where to look. Different parts of the city have a very different vibe - and it's changing all the time, to the point that I don't get a chance to get bored.

 

Moving cities is definitely a challenge. But if you have nothing holding you back, and if it pays off, it's well and truly worth it.

[crispytoast]

The only problems I have is trouble meeting people, making friends, dating/wanting to meet guys that didn’t grow up in the same town as I did. I want new people, bigger city, things to do, not the same festivals that I’ve been going to for the past 20 years, new things.

As someone who moved away from his old life about a year ago, I can give you some insight. Being in new surroundings is very liberating. New people, new places, new opportunities. It's very mesmerizing at first. However, once you are there, you need a new living situation, a new job, etc. For me I moved 4 times and just now found the perfect living situation. I still don't have an adequate job, I am quite overqualified for the place I work at and am making less money than I ever have in my life... Thankfully the rent is way lower where I moved. I highly recommend moving somewhere that has a lively industry that fits your skill set. Last, like you, I am not the most social person. I do enjoy being around people but I'm not the best at meeting new people. This has been the most difficult part for me. Some days are very difficult, I get down on myself and Don't really have close enough friends that I feel comfortable calling on them.

 

 

With all of this being said, if I had to make the choice again, I would still move in a heartbeat. Granted I might choose a bigger city (I downsized, not upsized, I'm a big city guy in a city that is more like a big town.. oof). Times are rough sometimes, but I'm definitely happier now than I was before. I encourage you to move, but make sure you plan it out well. Happy city hunting

[Watercolors]

Moving away from home is always a smart idea Highroller. Plus, you can give yourself a year in your new city/state or country and if you love it stay, but if you get homesick, you can always move back.

[Foxhall]

Interesting thread,

 

yes highroller and crispy toast, I can relate to a lot of what you say,and it is reassuring to know there are other people who experience these type of issues.

 

thinking somewhat along the same lines myself, though I am not quite ready to make the move at the moment

 

 

I would look at it "what would other people I know do if they were having these problems"

 

and I am pretty sure they would be on the next train or plane

 

it is not easy for us more reserved individuals to make the leap but definitely worth a shot me thinks.