Why is it that guys who come around and seem "crazy about me" end up giving up?

[inami]

They come around and seem crazy about me, take me out to nice restaurants, buy presents, constantly text me etc and ask to be my bf. They'll make up after any arguments/fights But after a few months they'll give up. Does it mean they just were never truly into me?If they were how can they give up?

[Grey40]

They come around and seem crazy about me, take me out to nice restaurants, buy presents, constantly text me etc and ask to be my bf. They'll make up after any arguments/fights But after a few months they'll give up. Does it mean they just were never truly into me?If they were how can they give up?

 

I think when people come on really super strong like that, it's a red flag. It's not natural and I think you should always put up caution when you get that behavior. Usually guys like that are unstable emotionally, using you as a rebound (telling you want you want to hear), and fall in love way too quickly..meaning that the stuff they say to you doesn't mean you're special at all, they literally fall in love with any girl that talks to them or shows them attention.

[alphamale]

I was the same way. Just after a piece of tail before moving on to the next girl in a couple months. It was a game.

[chillii]

Very hard to say , you can certainly attract them but l'm wondering if you change down the line, tone down or become this or that that's turning it off after a few months.

A lot of people really turn it on to start but then they start running out of puff later and you see more the real them.

 

Often it's as simple as just getting to know someone more and in the end they simply just aren't what you were looking for after all.

[inami]

I think when people come on really super strong like that, it's a red flag. It's not natural and I think you should always put up caution when you get that behavior. Usually guys like that are unstable emotionally, using you as a rebound (telling you want you want to hear), and fall in love way too quickly..meaning that the stuff they say to you doesn't mean you're special at all, they literally fall in love with any girl that talks to them or shows them attention.

 

 

So this means that they were fake? If they weren't they would continue putting in the effort right? These guys are guys that know the kind of girl I am, and from the beginning I'm a virgin so they they say want a relationship with me. After any fights/arguments etc they constantly keep trying but end up giving up? Or could it be that they get to know me they lose interest?

[chillii]

Yeah l was wondering about the physical , but l believe and l did it myself , if he is truly interested in you he'll be fine about waiting. Personally l actually think it's best tbh.

[inami]

Yeah l was wondering about the physical , but l believe and l did it myself , if he is truly interested in you he'll be fine about waiting. Personally l actually think it's best tbh.

 

I'm a virgin and they know this from the start that I'm waiting until marriage. And despite all this they put in a lot of effort, never try to sleep with me for me to think okay they were being fake. So could it truly be that a guy that was head over heels gets turned off and loses feelings?

[basil67]

The fighting is the problem. No reasonable guy would want to continue in a volatile relationship. What's going on to cause fights in all your relationships?

[chillii]

Yeah read that that's what l replied about.

But on the other, look it could be with some for sure , the same will happen for you though too as you get to know a guy if he's not right for you after awhile.

But impossible to say more than that. You could also exclude some too though that think they're ok with waiting but after awhile realize it's gonna be a lot harder than they thought.

[inami]

The fighting is the problem. No reasonable guy would want to continue in a volatile relationship. What's going on to cause fights in all your relationships?

 

Would that really cause a guy who was all about me, texting me from morning to night, doing those things for me, to lose feelings for me? Really? I do have a quick temper

[inami]

Yeah read that that's what l replied about.

But on the other, look it could be with some for sure , the same will happen for you though too as you get to know a guy if he's not right for you after awhile.

But impossible to say more than that. You could also exclude some too though that think they're ok with waiting but after awhile realize it's gonna be a lot harder than they thought.

 

No they are serious minded, want a relationship/marriage so obviously it would happen soon. But how would I go about knowing if they were fake?

[Abouttt]

I'm a virgin and they know this from the start that I'm waiting until marriage. And despite all this they put in a lot of effort, never try to sleep with me for me to think okay they were being fake. So could it truly be that a guy that was head over heels gets turned off and loses feelings?

 

How old are you and how old are they?

 

Some guys get thrilled by a virgin. They think it’s a challenge. Then, they realize they can’t make you change your mind and most young guys don’t want to get married right away. So what do they do? Well, we’re in a society where sex is very easy to get and we glorify instant satisfaction, so they give up on you, swipe a little and find a girl who’s willing to give them what they want. So they get sex without the commitment.

 

I’ve been told before by some guys that they want a virgin as a future wife, but they want to ‘enjoy their youth’ by sleeping with other girls. I’d say that there are these guys who are just turned on by virgins and want to take them what they can never have back. It’s suspicious when someone tries to instantly ‘buy’ your love and come off strong early on.

 

Let them all go and keep in mind why you want to wait. Your choice is honorable and you shouldn’t reconsider it. The right man will take his time with you and will be patient. He’ll be consistent and won’t give up on you after a few months.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

They come around and seem crazy about me, take me out to nice restaurants, buy presents, constantly text me etc and ask to be my bf. They'll make up after any arguments/fights But after a few months they'll give up. Does it mean they just were never truly into me?If they were how can they give up?

 

They enjoy the chase and see the relationship as a shiny new toy. Once the chase is over and you stop being "new", the relationship is no longer interesting. Once the work starts, the interest drops. I have had this happen to me a few times and was very careful not to fall for that infatuation right away. Not all guys are like this, just gonna go through some duds before finding a good guy. A lot of guys act all nice pretending not to want sex. They are hoping you fall into bed w/them. When they realize they aren't getting any, they stop everything.

[inami]

They enjoy the chase and see the relationship as a shiny new toy. Once the chase is over and you stop being "new"' date=' the relationship is no longer interesting. Once the work starts, the interest drops. I have had this happen to me a few times and was very careful not to fall for that infatuation right away. Not all guys are like this, just gonna go through some duds before finding a good guy. A lot of guys act all nice pretending not to want sex. They are hoping you fall into bed w/them. When they realize they aren't getting any, they stop everything.[/quote']

 

So you're saying their intentions were fake? They keep putting in effort constantly but eventually give up, I hate not knowing the backstory as to why and how

[darkmoon]

what do you argue about? specifically what subjects? and what do you say that they forgive?

Edited March 4, 2019 by darkmoon

[basil67]

Would that really cause a guy who was all about me, texting me from morning to night, doing those things for me, to lose feelings for me? Really? I do have a quick temper

 

Absolutely it could turn them off. For most people, a good marriage is a calm and happy one where both parties can sort out issues with open and easy discussion rather than fighting. Even if they thought you were great at the start, as the fights continue they'll get very tired of it and decide they can't be bothered with all the bad stuff. They'll go off and find someone who's also got good traits, but without the temper.

 

Have you looked into therapy for anger management?

[MaleIntuition]

What exactly do yo mean when you say that they “give up”?

[ExpatInItaly]

Would that really cause a guy who was all about me, texting me from morning to night, doing those things for me, to lose feelings for me? Really? I do have a quick temper

 

Yes, really.

 

I am not sure why that is so hard to believe for you.

[inami]

what do you argue about? specifically what subjects? and what do you say that they forgive?

 

I don't say anything they're the ones who make up

[inami]

What exactly do yo mean when you say that they “give up”?

 

What I mean is that any argument I had with them, any fights they always make up if I want to end they fight for it etc but then just don't put the effort after another fight happens

[Andy_K]

What I mean is that any argument I had with them, any fights they always make up if I want to end they fight for it etc but then just don't put the effort after another fight happens

 

Most people will treat the first fight or two as an obstacle to be overcome in the path towards a happy relationship. Any more fights after that, and they'll start thinking that perhaps you're the problem, and the fights are 'normal' for you rather than the exception. In this case they'll realise you're not what they're looking for, and give up on you.

 

Most people want to believe that the 'you' they are dating doesn't include extreme volatility and a penchant for picking fights. If they find out it does, they'll leave.

 

Nobody is going to 'never give up on you' if you're not pleasant to be with

[basil67]

What I mean is that any argument I had with them, any fights they always make up if I want to end they fight for it etc but then just don't put the effort after another fight happens

 

Yes, this has been clear from the outset. They tolerate your temper at first but then tire of it. When it becomes apparent that the fights will be an ongoing part of the relationship, they choose to walk away.

 

When there's a fight and the two of you make up and apologise, the next thing that needs to happen is to learn from the experience and change your ways. An apology is meaningless if the volatile behaviour which causes the fights doesn't change.

[Larry56]

Oh dear. Here is a woman who doesn't know herself. Your lack self-awareness that your arguing and losing your temper is ultimately a turn off for men.

 

Just because they try to make it work doesn't make THEM the problem. The problem is YOU.

 

They probably realize you're too much effort to make happy because I suspect you think these guys aren't up to scratch anyways.

[inami]

Oh dear. Here is a woman who doesn't know herself. Your lack self-awareness that your arguing and losing your temper is ultimately a turn off for men.

 

Just because they try to make it work doesn't make THEM the problem. The problem is YOU.

 

They probably realize you're too much effort to make happy because I suspect you think these guys aren't up to scratch anyways.

 

Honestly yes, how were you able to deduce that I didn't think "they were up to scratch anyway". Yeah I didn't think much of them

[d0nnivain]

What starts too fast & too intensely ends that way.

 

You say you have a quick temper. Then you ask why guys don't stick around after fights, plural. The answer is there is too much drama in your relationships. I have been with my husband for 12 years, married for 10. We have had maybe 3 fights in all that time. It's smooth sailing. Even when we disagree with don't fight.

 

When you learn to control that quick temper of yours, your relationships will last longer. You are the common denominator & you have identified this as a pattern. Change it.

 

Also how many presents are you expecting from these men in the beginning? The fact that guys are trying to buy your affection & you see that as a positive thing, is another potential red flag.

 

Plus if you didn't think much of them you should not have been dating them. Were you there just for the free meals & presents?