hmariee Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 My boyfriend and I are both 24 and have been together for almost 5 years. From the very start of the relationship I made it clear that I want a family and to get married. Some of our friends have recently started having children, and while we are not ready I am ready to have the conversation about when we would like to start trying. He knows i want to at least be tryinig before I am 30. He keeps saying that he isnt ready to talk about it and he doesnt know. I have given him until the end of April to give me an answer or I am walking away. Am I doing the right thing? Is it too much to ask for him to be mature enough to talk about this without it turning into a fight? I need some serious advice please! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 You have goals & time lines. As those deadlines near he realizes how much they frighten him. He's hoping you will give him more time. I wasted my 20s on a man like him. Don't make my mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
CantGetEnuff Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 @hmariee, He has said he is not ready. You have given him an ultimatum. He will either walk, or else he will cave to your pressure, which is NOT a good thing, because he will be unhappy. I have spoken with many other forum members about the toxic nature of women giving ultimatums to men. It does not work, at least not not long term. Both people need to be equally excited about taking steps together. Do with this advice what you will, but I doubt that you will retract the ultimatum. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Have you (either of you) gone the college route? Do you have your careers established? Financial plans for a house, etc? At 24 I was just getting started with my 'adult' life and wasn't focused on marriage and kids. So to ME issuing an ultimatum at 24 about kids seems really premature. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 At 24 I was just getting started with my 'adult' life and wasn't focused on marriage and kids. So to ME issuing an ultimatum at 24 about kids seems really premature. Had the same thought, OP you seem ahead of your own timeline. The arc of your life from 24 to 30 is a lot further than six years would indicate, something he may be more in touch with than you are. I also can't imagine having been with the same person from 19, the cusp of adulthood, to 30, when one is usually established on a path. At 24, I wouldn't be able to commit either. If that's your sole focus, probably not the best guy for you. Sorry, I'd guess this isn't what you want to hear ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author hmariee Posted March 6, 2019 Author Share Posted March 6, 2019 Have you (either of you) gone the college route? Do you have your careers established? Financial plans for a house, etc? At 24 I was just getting started with my 'adult' life and wasn't focused on marriage and kids. So to ME issuing an ultimatum at 24 about kids seems really premature. We are both qualified in our areas at work, I went to Unversity and he has a trade. We have plans to purchase a house in the next 12 months. This is why I have bought up the topic of kids now. I dont want to buy a house with someone i have no furture with Link to post Share on other sites
Author hmariee Posted March 6, 2019 Author Share Posted March 6, 2019 @hmariee, He has said he is not ready. You have given him an ultimatum. He will either walk, or else he will cave to your pressure, which is NOT a good thing, because he will be unhappy. I have spoken with many other forum members about the toxic nature of women giving ultimatums to men. It does not work, at least not not long term. Both people need to be equally excited about taking steps together. Do with this advice what you will, but I doubt that you will retract the ultimatum. I dont want him to say "lets have kids tomorrow" i just want to get an idea of when he thinks he might be. I have a medical condition which drastically reduces my chances of falling pregnant once i pass 30. So im not giving him the ultimatum to be mean. Children are apart of my future, I dont want to spend the next six years waiting around for him to say he is ready to talk about it. How do I talk to him about it? I do love him and want to be with him Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 . We have plans to purchase a house in the next 12 months. I dont want to buy a house with someone i have no furture with Do not put the cart before the horse. Never but real estate with somebody you are not married to. If you break up it's very hard to get out of the deal & it could ruin your credit. If you can't afford the house on your own don't do it. As for how you talk to him about it you just talk but you also listen. If you can't have these tough conversation you have no business buying a house, getting married or having kids. Find a calm time to start the conversation. Understand it won't be a one shot. It will be many discussions over months. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 Don't you want to be married before you start a family? If so, shouldn't you at least be engaged after 5 years? April is weeks away and you should tell him if you two aren't engaged by the end of next month you're gone. You don't have time to waste if you want kids. However, it is going to take time to find a new man, fall in love, and get him to marry you. It's not looking good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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