My girlfriend grinding and kissed by "gay" guy..

[Villhelm]

Hi all,

 

I'm just going to jump right in.

 

My girlfriend and I (both 23) have been together just over 2 years and currently going strong.

 

Last Friday she went out with a group of our close friends from university. I wasn't there as I was home for the weekend.

 

She starts telling me about her weekend after I got back yesterday talking about her night on Friday, telling me a bit of gossip which was that our friend who is in a relationship with one of our other friends both of which were out that night, was getting a bit too friendly with other guys. Their relationship isn't going so smoothly at the moment. My girlfriend, lets call her Lucy, was trying to lure her away from the interested guys and get her attention back to the group. Her friend, I'll call her Mary, did in fact tell them that she had a boyfriend.

 

Anyway Mary was then dancing with this gay guy who was really flamboyant / camp. She was really going for it, sexy moves, grinding the lot. But it's okay because he's gay...

 

Apparently they gay guy came up to Lucy and said "wow your friend (Mary) is wild".

 

Now later on my girlfriend (Lucy) starts dancing with the "gay" guy, she's grinding with him similar to Mary but perhaps not quite as intense, apparently. All of a sudden he moves his hands around to the front of her body towards her breasts and then grabs her head / chin and turns her head to kiss her straight on the mouth. My mate who was one of the group goes to separate them and says to her "He's not gay". Not that he knew but that's the assumption he made after seeing that, fair enough. Then she says she decided / group decision to move everyone away as he was a bit of a creep.

 

After my girlfriend telling me this I'm a bit shocked, just from that image I now have in my head, but I'm not angry just a bit unnerved. The saving grace being that "they all thought he was gay".

 

Now this is where I ask "How do you know he was gay"?

 

Lucy: "He was just really flamboyant and camp, you just know when someone is gay" - Maybe a fair assumption.

 

Me: "So you just assumed he was gay, you didn't know for sure?"

 

Lucy: Yeah

 

It was at this point I started to get way more irked. And where I need some outsider insight.

 

I have many questions which I have still yet to discuss with her.

 

I think it's ridiculous to assume someone is gay especially when something like this happens. I know it's easy to stereotype but there are creeps out there who pretend to be gay to get with girls or at least as far as they can. Also I don't imagine she would be okay with the same explanation had it been a vice versa situation. "I thought she was a lesbian so I grinded with her, then she pulled me towards her, snogged me and groped me". Also I still don't see why she would grind with another guy, who she doesn't know, just because she assumes him to be gay. And she's straight so surely she would feel some sexual feelings from doing that with ANY guy? I've never seen or heard her say she's grinded with another gay guy either.

 

I also don't understand why she didn't push him away after he got to her breasts? How did he manage to turn her head and kiss her before pushing him away?

 

Why did it take our friend to intervene and split them up? I'll be honest I don't know for sure if he did all the splitting or she also pushed this guy away but that's the way she told it.

 

Why when dancing with Mary did he not try anything at all? Even though she was apparently way more provocative in her dancing than Lucy (my gf)? Bear in mind that apparently you wouldn't have known she had a boyfriend, they weren't really together that night as they aren't going so smoothly at the moment. So he may have thought she (Mary) was single.

 

Other smaller details:

She was explicit in telling me, while telling Mary's story before she launched into her own that this "gay" guy wasn't attractive.

She described it at one point as sexual assault.

I honestly don't care if she dances and gets this close to a GENUINELY gay guy. But I can't see why any straight girl would unless she knew him well.

 

I'm not very worried about this particular incident but it unnerves me that ignorance is a reasonable explanation for this to happen. What other incidents in the future will be explained away by shear ignorance of the facts?

 

One reason I talk about Mary is that I think that perhaps, Lucy saw her getting all this attention and wanted some for herself as I wasn't there) and then starting really cutting loose with this "gay" guy. (There's no excuse for this but I can understand it, also this is purely speculative and I could easily be wrong.

 

Most of this hinges on the fact that she assumed he was gay.. I really hope this isn't an excuse she came up with because she feels guilty that things went too far on a night out be it an accident or not. But again all our friends were there and I don't think she would tell me this story at all if she was knowingly dancing with a straight guy, why would she just make up the fact that he's gay over just not telling me?

 

I love and trust her, and her me, so I believe that she's telling the complete truth and not cherry picking info or twisting perspectives to make herself seem more innocent.

 

I would just like some outside objective view to help me set this straight. Anything would be a appreciated! Thanks.

[d0nnivain]

Your GF did some stupid things after having consumed alcohol on a night out with friends without you. Then she told you about it. She was trying to be transparent.

 

Maybe this is all the lesson she needs to be able to handle situations like this in the future.

 

It's not great but it doesn't have to be the end of the world either.

[Villhelm]

Thanks for the input! I don't plan on doing anything drastic, I just want to make sure my view is unbiased and facts are straight when we talk about this.

 

I think I'm going to ask her not to dance provocatively with gay guys she doesn't know. That's what I want to take forward.

[PegNosePete]

His sexuality is irrelevant. Try not to focus on that. What difference does it make?

 

The important fact here is that your GF was grinding and kissed someone who is not you. The thing you should be taking forward, is that.

[elaine567]

Plenty flamboyant/camp people are heterosexual and some are bisexual or asexual or any other type of sexuality one can think of.

Not sure what she was doing grinding with a "gay guy" anyway. Gay guys still have penises they still get turned on with direct contact and mock f*cking. I guess the grinding turned her on a bit too...

Sounds a bit disrespectful anyway on her part if she knew or suspected he was gay.

If she was a lesbian how would she feel if some hetero guy came and groped and kissed her "for a laugh" or to get some sexual satisfaction?

 

Pete is correct, gay or not she was doing "stuff" with a guy that was not you and it was so raunchy it needed her friends to come throw "a bucket of cold water" over them...

[crispytoast]

I have plenty of male friends who are very effeminate who could easily be mistaken for gay. They date women, although would probably fool around with men too. It sounds like she let the guy cross some boundaries and that's on her. I'm curious what your other friends who were there have to say.

[preraph]

I don't think she just made that up. I think he was either buy or like you said one of those people just scamming on women by acting gay. Only thing that would make me question whether he was gay if I was there is if he didn't dance with any men.

 

 

Still I don't think this is anything serious that you need to worry about being her trying to cheat or something. Obviously she's with people who know you, for starters.

 

I would say, hey, what's a you just cover all your bases and don't grind on any men anymore?

[gaius]

Not every gay guy is a great person. Plenty are sure, but I've run across a few that were highly manipulative, used sexuality with women for ego boosts, just overall sleezy and gross people.

 

If you think that every time your woman goes out with a gay guy it's gonna be something straight out of Queer Eye for the straight guy, think again.