Hardcore Loner, is OK?

[Skipper Green]

I'm no kid, I lived this way a long time. I have explored being more social. Had a GF, she and I both worked long hours. She worked to pay from school, I worked to keep my time with her restricted.

 

I liked her, liked the sex, liked the cuddling even. But that's as far as I wanted to go.

 

Friends of same and opposite sex, I had a few, but only wanted to see them now and then for a quick drink.

 

Had a traveling job once, I liked it because everyone I met stayed a stranger.

 

My point is I tried other ways, but I naturally find comfort in solitude.

 

I'm a rare bird, but not the only one. Are any of you loners? Or anyone know one very well (if that's possible).

Not talking about bitter old people who hate being alone.

 

I wonder how far to take this thing. I still function in civilization, but wonder about retreating to the wilds.

 

My long time employer is downsizing, with golden handshakes galore.

I'll be 50 soon and lucky enough to retire. So my major reason (survival) for staying in town will be gone.

[Benthar]

First you're so darn lucky to get the handshake at 50.

 

I tend towards bouts of lonerism. I'm very content being mostly alone, hardly a care in the world. I'm happy but not elated with life.

 

Eventually a woman will get my interest. The chase or even the success in getting her into my life has moments of elation.

 

But my life is then filled with other moments of minor and major dispair.

Or just the little stresses of dealing with another so closely. ie making joint decisions etc.

 

When it all gets to be too much, I go loner again. Not happy at 1st because it means my negative views of relationships is confirmed and I'm admitting defeat.

But give me some alone time, I'll swing back to happy mode.

[Gold Pile]

To be happy, one must find "their thing" and do it, do it, do it!

 

People should fully explore all till they find what works for them.

 

I naturally find comfort in solitude

If it works for you...do it.

 

I consider my inner self to be a loner. But financial and sex drive needs keep me connected to people.

[Neptune]

I am over 50 and can relate to your personality. Very similar to me. I think most people would say by 50 you are definitely set in your ways and you are who you are. If you are comfortable spending time alone then that is what works for you. There is no hope for me of retirement any time soon but man it would be great....so I could spend more time alone:)

[Gold Pile]

If you net search "self reliant" or sustainable living you'll find much info on back woods living. The land is cheaper, but drawbacks to living out there too.

 

It's a little dream of GP to someday liquidate everything and retire from this society. Ironic that I'm at my peak of thriving in society and I have that dream.

[km]

I'm a lifelong loner, too. Easier to be alone than deal with the bullsh*t of other people. Unfortunately, made the mistake of getting married. It's an okay situation, as he's not a loner but generally we operate fairly independently of each other - but, when I REALLY want to be alone, I can't make him leave the house. And I like my house, so I don't want to leave.

 

Society often makes us feel like freaks. I'm convinced we're the ones who AREN'T.

[Skipper Green]

Thanks all. I was hoping there was more of us here.

 

Lumping answers together. Being alone to avoid the crap from others is a good place to be. It's harder at first to admit we aren't like most, but once we get out of dodge, life is simpler and better.

 

Sex is an issue. God knows I've gone without for long periods.

I wish I could come up with a nice way to get sex but not have a life with a woman. Nothing against the ladies, except that she is a person. LOL

 

I'm thinking that I could make rare trips back to society to (frankly) purchase satsfaction. But I do wonder if lack of sex is a condition I could learn to live with in my over 50 life.

 

Next month I get my health exam. Health will be a factor in how far I move to the wilds.

I'll need to be within driving distance of a town with a post office. So I can get the pension checks and buy food once a week.

[Gold Pile]

SG,

I just had a downer in my otherwise charmed life.

 

The downs make me reflect on life and lean toward your "get away from it all" take on things.

 

Are you planning to get out because of a dwn? or are things going ok for you?

[duskydawn]

I see most people here are a lot older than I am...But I'd like to add that I am 23 and I enjoy solitude. Ever since I was a kid, when I went to parties I'd want to watch television, played music or take pictures so I could avoid dealing with people. When I went to family gatherings I drew them something, so I didn't have to get involved in a family discussion. I've been travelling with my family since 1989 (we're a nomadic family).

 

I sometimes go months without answering my calls. And am the happiest when left to be by myself. It might also have something to do with social comparison. Though I enjoy being surrounded by people (with me in the background) and also meeting new people just to hear their life stories, I am rarely interested in anyone long enough for anything meaningful. I'm 23 and most people my age are exactly the opposite, I find them to be too needy when they keep calling me, wanting to meet every now and then. And I push them away.

 

I'd like to be able to go to a bar/lounge alone and just observe people, enjoy the music/drink...just soak it all in.....and not be hit on or approached by anyone.

 

I'm happy with who I am and how I am, whatever my perfections or imperfections are, when I am alone, when I'm not thinking of what others think of me or when there is no other person involved with regards to me. I'm the happiest when I don't have to think that one day I might get married. The thought of getting married scares me. Because one: I have certain habits and chronic health conditions (nothing serious) that I don't think anyone should settle for or have to put up with. In the core of core I know I'm not an easy person to live with, partly because I want to be left alone, but I put on a front to accomodate for others in my life. I would not like to change specifically because I need/have to for the sake of the marriage. And there are other things about me, I can't change no matter how hard I try.

 

I have thought about taking up a monastic life, however, my parents have taken loans to pay for my education and have high hopes for me. I can't let them down. Sex also is something of a problem, because a person can have only so many one-night stands or remain abstinent for certain periods of time. Maybe once I've helped my parents clear their loans and I manage to not get tangled in the web of loans, mortgages & family, I can take off in search of myself. I don't know if I can be considered a loner in the true sense, but I'm definitely an observer than a participant.

 

Have any of you who are sure of being Loners experienced being an Observer or any of this in any stage of your life?

[Basic]

You guys might want to google "off grid". with the knowledge and equipment you can live very far from town. The land is cheaper, and other great things about it.

 

But you'll find

 

The police are not a phone call away. (and make that a satellite phone)

The hospital is miles (hundreds?) away.

When whatever power systems you have are storm damaged, you'll have to fix it.

Food and water can never be taken for granted.

[Neptune]

You don`t have to set up a tent in the middle of the Everglades to be alone. All you need is a private corner of the world. Hard to do in a condo or that kind of setting. But, there is no reason to be many miles from civilization and it`s advantages. A loner actually needs access to these things. A commune would be better suited for a distant location. But then you would not be alone.

[Amie56]

I can relate to you! I'm also a loner! I just find it kind of like it is work just to have a friendhsip or boyfriend in my case..and I use my job to avoid things..I have no friends...and sometimes it is lonely but it is a lot easier than trying to create friendships!

 

I guess it all just depends on everyones personality.

[Skipper Green]

Amie, you are one of us then. How old are you?

 

Neptune, security in numbers hey? But you're right about the everglades!

I'm thinking upstate NY woods.

 

Basic, depending on cost and remoteness, I'll make every attempt to stay on the grid. But indepenent off grid is interesting.

 

 

Gold, I'm not in down times right now. Had my share of them and did yearn to escape during such times.

 

Dusky, You're still youthful, maybe you should explore the alternatives before deciding. You can rejoin "our" ranks later.

 

KM, tough call. How long you been married?

[Basic]

You don`t have to set up a tent in the middle of the Everglades to be alone. All you need is a private corner of the world. Hard to do in a condo or that kind of setting. But, there is no reason to be many miles from civilization and it`s advantages. A loner actually needs access to these things. A commune would be better suited for a distant location. But then you would not be alone.

 

Sometimes it seems like even in a large apartment complex, some manage to be lost in the crowd. Not exactly on the topic here, but alone can sometimes be a state of mind.

[CurvyGurl]

Boyfriend is a bit of a loner. He keeps everything at arms length, including me. It's frustrating.

[Winterlord]

I'm no kid, I lived this way a long time. I have explored being more social. Had a GF, she and I both worked long hours. She worked to pay from school, I worked to keep my time with her restricted.

 

I liked her, liked the sex, liked the cuddling even. But that's as far as I wanted to go.

 

Friends of same and opposite sex, I had a few, but only wanted to see them now and then for a quick drink.

 

Had a traveling job once, I liked it because everyone I met stayed a stranger.

 

My point is I tried other ways, but I naturally find comfort in solitude.

 

I'm a rare bird, but not the only one. Are any of you loners? Or anyone know one very well (if that's possible).

Not talking about bitter old people who hate being alone.

 

I wonder how far to take this thing. I still function in civilization, but wonder about retreating to the wilds.

 

My long time employer is downsizing, with golden handshakes galore.

I'll be 50 soon and lucky enough to retire. So my major reason (survival) for staying in town will be gone.

 

I'm a teen, but I can relate to your personality. I'm always reserved and prefer to be alone on many occasions.

 

I fuction like anyone else, and am on top of things. But I like being along to think, rest, relax...

[Basic]

I'm a teen, but I can relate to your personality. I'm always reserved and prefer to be alone on many occasions.

 

I fuction like anyone else, and am on top of things. But I like being along to think, rest, relax...

 

Very true Winterlord, I do my deepest thinking alone, can't imagine thinking any other way. Not to say give/take session with someone (bounce ideas off) isn't very helpful, but I still need ponder alone.

[otto]

If it weren't for my GF, I'd be off in the maine woods.

 

A small place I could keep heated with wood. Wake up when I want without an alarm clock. Do what I want, hike, read, relax.

 

I could live without many modern things, but the web and TV I'd like to keep.

 

As you get older, this type of move becomes very possible except for the growing need for medical care.

[Gold Pile]

If it weren't for my GF, I'd be off in the maine woods.

 

A small place I could keep heated with wood. Wake up when I want without an alarm clock. Do what I want, hike, read, relax.

 

I could live without many modern things, but the web and TV I'd like to keep.

 

As you get older, this type of move becomes very possible except for the growing need for medical care.

 

"A small place I could keep heated with wood"

With todays fuel prices, I hear ya loud + clear.

 

"wake-up when I want, no alarm clock"

Paradise

[Flock]

"A small place I could keep heated with wood"

With todays fuel prices, I hear ya loud + clear.

 

"wake-up when I want, no alarm clock"

Paradise

 

And no Gold Diggers?

[friskywife]

Hubby and I both are loners that found each other. I know it doesn't seem to make sense that 2 people together are loners, but it works for us. Its like the "honeymoon period" that just hasn't gone away. Even before our son was born, we never went out, we would rather be at home and play video games together and cook and have sex. Now its computer games cooking and sex after the kid goes to sleep:) ! We have dreamed of living off the grid, but until the internet via satelite is easier and cheaper, hubby couldn't hang!

 

So this couple wants to join the loner club!

[SmoochieFace]

If it weren't for my GF, I'd be off in the maine woods.

 

A small place I could keep heated with wood. Wake up when I want without an alarm clock. Do what I want, hike, read, relax.

 

I could live without many modern things, but the web and TV I'd like to keep.

 

As you get older, this type of move becomes very possible except for the growing need for medical care.

 

Exactly... although I'd opt for a place in Michigan's UP... close to the shore of Lake Superior. Easily would beat the zoo I live in called the East Coast.

[mjarabrab]

I'm Barbara, just joined this site, and this is the first post I've read. Would like you to know I'll be fifty in three weeks, and feel most comfortable alone with my three horses, dog and parrot. Have had a life of hell, and am now on disability for the rest of my life, after working in jobs I always hated, and a career that was profitable, but made me miserable. I bought this place up in the mountains in N.H. purposely to get away from the rat race, and it was the best thing I ever did. I have one friend, no family, and one maybe "boyfriend" if I don't scare him off. I don't know if I can honestly say

I'm happy, but I have a safe place here and don't have to deal with people if I chose not to. So you are not alone, and I think that we tend to think we are, yet I'm sure there are many like us who think they are alone also.

Glad I saw your post, now I don't feel so different!!!

thanks,

Barbara

[mjarabrab]

Me again, I just read all the posts, and guess what, I have a very remote small place, I have my woodstove going right now, expecting snow tonight.

Extra water is stashed if the power goes out, my generator is full of gas, the snowblower is ready, and my kitchen is full of food. I live right next to the white mountains, but just to let you know, you can be very remote, but the town is only 20 miles from me, hospital and services. Of course you can be further away if you want, but you'd be surprised how little all those urban "necessities" are once you leave it all. People up here can their vegetables from their gardens, hunt, fish, the best fresh water out my well that I've never tasted anywhere else, and satelite tv works just fine. When the power does go out, so what, I have my stove, and who needs tv all the time anyway? I can ride my horse for miles, and the natural beauty up here is priceless.

I encourage you to follow your dream, I did. I still wonder if I'm "normal " for being alone, but so what, we are so close in age, and I think it's a gift to ourselves to finallly do what we want! I don't even have four wheel drive, in the winter, if I can't get out, I just make sure I have food ahead of time,

I'm fine.

This was the best move I ever made, and in the more rural areas, there are so many ways to live that to me is better, healtier, back to nature, and self

fulfilling. I hope you do it if it's what you want!! I'm not afraid either, I have bear, coyote, deer and moose right outside, they don't bother with people unless we mess with them, and it's really great.

Barbara

[skipper green]

thanks mjarabrab for a fine example of the life style. You're living a dream.

20 miles under good conditions isn't far at all. Under snow it might be a terrible quest to get emergency help, but we can't spend our entire lives worrying about our final exit.