I've fallen and I can't get up

[Les]

Hi. My name is Les. I've been dating a lady who is ten years older than me for two years. I am 33 years old. When I started dating her she told me that she was living with a man and had been living with him for ten years. She made it sound like they were not much more than roommates. As time passed, I learned that wasn't the story. I was o.k. with it because I wasn't looking for a serious relationship. About 8 or 9 months later she told me that she was in love with me. She said that wanted to move in with me when her daughter(a senior in high school)graduated. I was flattered by this and I began to let myself open up to her. Needless to say, I fell madly in love with her. Now, a year or so later, she tells me that she can never leave the man she is with. She says that she would feel guilty(He is in bad health and he has her two kids set up financially should anything ever happen to either of them). She said that she loves me and would love to continue our relationship like it is forever. I was hurt but I thought that I would be o.k. with this. About a month has passed and it is killing me. Now, I want her even more. Also, because she got a promotion at work, I hardly ever get to see her. She is always working, and when she is not, she has to rest. She has a very stressfull job that demands long hours. I really love her and I do not want to go through the pain of losing her, but I don't know if I can handle the pain of staying with her. Can someone help me?

[bethbonnie]

Hi. My name is Les. I've been dating a lady who is ten years older than me for two years. I am 33 years old. When I started dating her she told me that she was living with a man and had been living with him for ten years. She made it sound like they were not much more than roommates. As time passed, I learned that wasn't the story. I was o.k. with it because I wasn't looking for a serious relationship. About 8 or 9 months later she told me that she was in love with me. She said that wanted to move in with me when her daughter(a senior in high school)graduated. I was flattered by this and I began to let myself open up to her. Needless to say, I fell madly in love with her. Now, a year or so later, she tells me that she can never leave the man she is with. She says that she would feel guilty(He is in bad health and he has her two kids set up financially should anything ever happen to either of them). She said that she loves me and would love to continue our relationship like it is forever. I was hurt but I thought that I would be o.k. with this. About a month has passed and it is killing me. Now, I want her even more. Also, because she got a promotion at work, I hardly ever get to see her. She is always working, and when she is not, she has to rest. She has a very stressfull job that demands long hours. I really love her and I do not want to go through the pain of losing her, but I don't know if I can handle the pain of staying with her. Can someone help me? Les, how difficult each new day must be for you at the moment! There are so many women and men that fall in love with someone under false pretences. You sound like a very understanding person, although your human reaction to this whole situation is quite understandably more than you can bear. Its never easy for anyone to let go of someone that time has drawn them close to, but I feel strongly to advice you to let go of your current relationship with this person...for your own sake. I would imagine this lady is very dear to you, but she has acted very irresponsibly toward you. If her children and current partner know nothing of you (I assume the man does not) there is great potential for too many people to be just as hurt as you currently are. You have invested too much of your emotions and time already, let go, look at the lesson you have learnt during this past few years and promise yourself to use more caution next time. You owe it to yourself to at least have the peace of mind when you begin dating that it is one you enter into built on a foundatin of l repect and trust, exclusively for two. If you consider pursuing this relationship, then you are settling for less than your worth. Second best is a wrong toward ourself. I presume you have a career of some kind, and other interests outside of work, surely you will meet a new love in the future, your heart will heal in time. Your main goal at the moment would be better to invest in loving yourself. You are still plenty young and really do owe it to yourself to invest in a much more healthy friendship with someone, where honesty and openess starts first. I do hope this has benefitted you somehow. Your welcome to respond again should you need to.