Work with Type Triple A Ex - How to do NC?

[Okeydokey]

Hi Folks,

 

New to this one and just wanted a little feedback. I'm actually feeling really great about this break-up, but I think it is always good to learn from a relationship. So, I want to figure out 1. what I did wrong. 2. what I don't like about him so I don't repeat and 3. THIS IS FOR YOU GUYS to pitch in on... how I am supposed to behave given the fact that we have to work together on a case and that he goes to the same school as I do.

 

So here is the story. At the beginning he was very romantic (a few months), said nice things, took me on baloon rides, the works. Dude is an introvert (not shy, b/c usually shy people are insecure about socializing - he is not - he just can't be bothered to make the effort) and a type A workaholic. I am sociable, have lots of friends and only study when I feel like it. So, the big problem was that I wanted to spend at least, here goes, 20 minutes of "quality" time together a day and weekends together. He stopped being romantic after 3 months. He started acting like I got on his nerves and wasted his time. I also feel like I am a catch and he should be in love with me and should show it. He said that he thought that by correcting my papers he was showing it and that the amount of time I asked for was too much. I broke up with him, we got back together (he said he was going to work on the problem), he was better for 2 weeks, and then back to self-absorbtion. He broke it off when I complained that he hadn't even smiled at me in 4 days.

 

So, the question to you folks is

1. Was the amount of time that I was asking for too much given the fact that we go to the same school and cannot avoid bumping into each other every day?

2. Now, that we are DEFINITELY OVER but have to work together he has started sending friendly e-mails regarding work. I respond with courteous e-mails, but do not include anything friendly - only work related. I'm doing NC in the halls when possible and smile and wave and move on when not possible to full on NC, I have informed everybody that I can get my hands on that we are over (so they don't mention him to me and what he is doing), I have removed all traces of dude from e-mail, photos yaddy yadda. But what is the NC protocol when you have to work together???

[francis]

oh my god, it's like you are talking about my ldr ex boyfriend.

all of the following make me shiver in memory;

# introverted, not shy but just cannot be bothered in social situations.

# doesnt smile, just a totally blank expression all the time

# workaholic

# total self absorption

# the time i asked for together was 'unnecessary', he just didnt understand why it was so important

 

very creepy...

 

with regards your nc work protocol, it sounds like you have it sewn up, your responses to his work emails seem bang on the button, short, to the point, minimise the need to contact him, maintain professionality and i am sure, that in time, this will pass and fade.

[sanne]

as far as work goes, be professional and act as if nothing has happened between you two. don't show any emotions whatsoever.

 

i noticed that you said you wanted to spend 20 minutes of quality time a day. to some people that's a lot, and personally after a long time i'd probably ask for some space as well. relationships tend to get boring and old if you see each other every single day.