mysterious_confused Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 Confused and hoping that this will generate a lot of needed advice since I am torn between my emotions. My name is John “31” and I met this great girl Heather. Well to try to make it short but put enough information as possible. Heather “30”, was in the middle of getting a divorce from her current husband, it was a bad divorce. Well to cut to the chase we got to know each other for about a year and decided to move in together once the divorce was finalized she had kids, which I quickly adapted to them and they adapted to me. Well things were going fine I thought then all of sudden before we reached the anniversary mark she decided that she needed her space. I mean what does a women mean by “space”. Well I pushed for answers and found myself moved out and living in another apartment without her. On top of everything her not wanting to have anything to do with me, she even went as far as finding someone else to date because she said could not handle me hounding about us about getting together and asking her questions. Well things went to dating this guy for about two weeks, they got intimate and you know the rest, they since then broke up and she wants to be friends and communicate with me again. She says now she wants to be best friends and see what happens later. I mean is she still interested? I am so confused? My heart feels like a trampoline. She says she wants to be alone now and her messages are like rhymes and riddles. Am I seeing too much in this? Her kids love me and I love them so it is really hard. I am not sure what to do anymore. I love her and her children and its hard to not know what to do. Do I need to give her more space? Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 I think you need to give yourself more space. From her. She broke up with you and then found somebody else. This new relationship has ended now and she wants to be best friends with you. Sounds to me as if she might be lonely or bored and wants you around for company, but does not want to feel obligated towards you or your feelings. My advice would be to stay away from her for now and get a clear head. You will know you are okay to be friends with her once you dont care anymore if you two get back together or not. Dont try to be friends in hopes of this leading to a reconcilliation, so many people have tried this but it never seems to work. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterious_confused Posted September 20, 2005 Author Share Posted September 20, 2005 Now I found out she still wants to date other people and is actively persueing it even making it obvoius to me through close associates; is she trying to make me jealous ? I dont get it she tells her best friend that she wants to see what happens but right now she just wants to be best friends and see what happens later. Is this normal, is she just playing the field out there ? Am I just hoping for something that is no longer there ? Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 This woman is major major trouble and the sooner you totally and completely disengage from this so called relationship the better. And I mean go strict 100% NO CONTACT. She is dangerous for you. I would take some time away from the dating scene and do some self reflection. You deserve much much more in a woman and you need to discover why you don't agree. regards Mike Link to post Share on other sites
Wherethesunshines Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 That is exactly what I told another person about my situation. You will get peace one day in your own way. When you do? You will get over her too. Best example if you still want her is here : like when you were a little kid and you throw the coin in the wishing well. Eventually you forget about the wish. Life works in mysterious ways and you take every experience with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterious_confused Posted September 20, 2005 Author Share Posted September 20, 2005 The hard thing about this whole mess is there are kids involved that I have grown to love and they love me; she wants them to stay in contact with them. I mean if she does not want to get involved why keep me around ? Why keep me around knowing it would make it harder on them if she is out dating and window shopping "flirting" I just dont get it anymore Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 mysterious, you have been sucked into a bad bad situation. now, you are addicted to the drama of it all. forget about the kids. they will be fine and they will survive. you didn't create this mess. if you want to be healthy, you really must get 100% away from this relationship. if you don't you are going to have days weeks years and lifetimes of this total confusion. if you want that then stick around and be in the drama. If not there is only one way out. regards mike Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 Why keep me around knowing it would make it harder on them if she is out dating and window shopping "flirting" I just dont get it anymore Because you are a good backup plan, and because she has only her own interests in mind right now - she's divorced, she's going to want to play the field now that she is free to do so. Once she finds a 'maybe' though, she may be just desperate and insecure enough to want to keep him around in case something better (in her mind, anyway) doesn't come along. Unless you like being a backup plan in this capacity, you may want to go ahead and make your break. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterious_confused Posted September 21, 2005 Author Share Posted September 21, 2005 What if she has been talking to you about moving in back with her but in a friends status because you can both help eath other out financially? I feel like I am being bounced on a trampoline; Her family and friends tell me everything will be just fine just play the wait and see game; does it really work out there ? Torn and confused now Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 It works out if you are happy being used as a security blanket and not desired as a man and a partner for the time being. Fresh out of a divorce is not the time she is going to be looking to jump right back into commitment again. I expect that she wants to see what it is like to be single for a while: with the comfort and convenience of a low-maintainence man around to help out. Link to post Share on other sites
RainyDayWoman Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 It works out if you are happy being used as a security blanket and not desired as a man and a partner for the time being. Fresh out of a divorce is not the time she is going to be looking to jump right back into commitment again. I expect that she wants to see what it is like to be single for a while: with the comfort and convenience of a low-maintainence man around to help out. i agree. it may sound harsh, but i think LB is right on the mark with this one. sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterious_confused Posted September 22, 2005 Author Share Posted September 22, 2005 I appreciate everyone and their oppinoins and insights now I have a different way of approaching this situation. She wants me to move in however I will be staying in a seperate room but she wants to hang out and chat and wants to build on a friendship. How do I approach this, I mean how do I act? Is there any recommendations. Everything I get from others says she wants to build a powerfull friendship and then see what happens? Guess before I really messed up by not giving her alot of space and being to clingy sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
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