Are they real friends

[MrMurphy]

I was cheated on pretty bad by my ex. I found out that she had been having an affair for 5 years.i know I'm a fool....even though she was the one who cheated, when I met someone new,she turned pretty clingy and vicious towards my new partner. It wasn't the first time she cheated on me,I suspect.

 

However 2 childhood friends of mine whom I consider 2 of my best friends and who are husband and wife are still friends with her.my wife and mother of my kids thinks its disgusting that my best friends want anything to do with her after she hurt me so much and she simply cant understand it.she thinks its disloyal as they were my friends from childhood. They are supportive of my cheating ex and her lover even though they put me through hell.

 

My wife simply doesn't agree with the support they have for her and think they should have my back. I've truly moved on from my ex and love my wife and I'm happy but my wife's disapproval of my 2 friends is causing a rift. She approached the wife and told her how she felt, she was very polite and not in any way aggressive, and the wife told her it was none of her business or any of my business.

 

Obviously my wife agrees that it's not really her business and of course nobody can tell someone who they can and cant be friends with BUT my wife says that her own friends would never treat her like that and that I should reevaluate my friendship with them. I don't care about this as much as my wife but I understand where she's coming from. I've said to her why do you care so much when I don't and she says that she doesn't understand how I don't care and that she's going to stand up for what she believes in and have nothing to do with them.

 

I know she would rather me do the same but she hasn't given me an ultimatum, just heated arguments...any thoughts

Edited March 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs

[d0nnivain]

What difference does it make who your EX is friends with ? You know she's a cheating liar. You have presumably moved on because you have a wife.

 

Pour your energy into nurturing your marriage & raising your kids. Let your EX do whatever she wants. It's really none of your concern. You have built a new life without her. The fact that you are so obsessed with her after all this time is a sign that the foundations of your marriage may be unstable. Shore that up before you do anything else.

[MrMurphy]

Um...did you even read the post...like it says in the post, its NOT ME who has the problem, its my wife. This has nothing to do with my ex. It's got to do with the fact my wife dislikes my friends

[d0nnivain]

No that wasn't clear to me.

 

If your wife doesn't like your friends because she feels they were disloyal, just keep your wife apart from them & don't make her interact with them. Do make sure that when you interact with them, you don't interact with your EX, behind your wife's back. She's not giving you an ultimatum & she was dead wrong to get in the woman friend's face about this.

 

But seriously, just separate from them. You pick her as your primary relationship. You can still talk to them or be friends on social media but don't spend real time with them. Certainly don't force your wife to host them in your home.

[Mr. Lucky]

Um...did you even read the post...

 

Before you get bent of out shape, try using some paragraphs and normal spacing. Easier for everyone to read and you'll get more feedback...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Ronni_W]

I've said to her why do you care so much when I don't and she says that she doesn't understand how I don't care and that she's going to stand up for what she believes in and have nothing to do with them.

Quite honestly, this sounds like your wife not being willing to just let you make the decision on this one, given that these are YOUR friends and YOUR ex;

your wife is just not seeming to respect what YOU think and want to do about it.

 

I get her values and principles, and what she would do with HER friends in the same situation. But. Would she be very happy at all if you took her current position, if all of the roles would be reversed?

 

Of course she does not need to have anything to do with any of these people (your friends, your ex, etc.), but why also try to interfere or influence you against your own wishes,

and totally ignoring your own values and principles in the matter?

[MrMurphy]

She's always had a grudge against this friend right from the beginning so I think she's just trying to use this as another reason to dislike her

[bmh]

Your wife sounds like she is trying to project her beliefs on to someone else. Just because she wouldn’t remain friends with her she has a hard time understanding why they do. This is her problem to fix. Has your friendship with them become strained due to your ex? If not I would just tell your wife to stop bringing it up and overthinking it. it could be that she may be a little insecure with you still running in the same circle as your ex. Best of luck to you.

[anika99]

Your wife is out of line on this one. She had no right to confront your friends about this matter. She wants to cause a rift between you and your friends and that disrespectful of your feelings.

[elaine567]

She sounds controlling and is trying to isolate you from your friends which if she were a man could be seen as a sign of abuse.

 

BUT being the second wife is hard and I am sure she wants to erase your first wife from your life and pretend she never existed. She cannot do that as long as the mutual best friends are hanging around.

So she has started a hate campaign to get rid of them. The drip drip drip of poison method hasn't worked with you, so she has now gone as far as confronting your friend.

This is about defending her territory from the threat of your ex and your ex's friends. The fact they are your friends too has probably always made her feel insecure and uncomfortable.

As she has now got her feet firmly under your table, she has decided she will no longer put up with them.

 

Are you willing to lose your friends? because that is the natural conclusion here.