elaine567 Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 I agree with Turning Point, there is something scary here. This is not just a married guy pretending he is single, this is "disturbing" and indeed "predatory". Just because he is a doctor doesn't mean he is somehow "harmless" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Telling the wife might be appropriate if you knew her, or knew enough about her to be helpful. When the wife is a complete stranger you don't know what you will trigger either for her, or yourself and that can be a dangerous thing to do to a family. I have seen instances of suicide leaving young children behind because the wife was already struggling with mental illness, and the affair was enough to push her over the edge. I would however, pass this guy's information and this story onto the local police. Guys with this kind of predatory behavior should be on their radar. By doing so, you will have also placed a higher bar on your own protection from any retaliation by this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 I would however, pass this guy's information and this story onto the local police.. you will have also placed a higher bar on your own protection from any retaliation by this guy. Or, he'll figure out it was her given that she went ghost at the same time, and he'll retaliate against her for ruining his life. No thanks. Nothing to gain, everything to lose. Easy for anonymous internet airchair keyboard warrier posters to try to convince someone to do something that could cost her big time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 This guy hasn’t done anything criminal per se. I doubt the police would bother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 He will do this to other women... if he’s not exposed for what he is = a perpetrator who looks for his victims. Yes you said that already. She's supposed to save the world from this predator because he did it to her so somehow that makes it her obligation as far as you're concerned. Just curious do you donate to charities, do the whole neighborhood watch thing, and always report suspicious activity to your local authorities? What if you see someone speeding or rolling through a stop sign, hey they could kill someone! Are you on the phone telling the cops you've got it all on video? Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Personally, I'd be more worried about him flipping a switch at figuring out how you found out about him. Lying to get women on the side is pretty distateful but it's not 'twilight zone' territory. That's how most people cheat. It's not dignified or morally sound but it's also not police worthy.What you did was illegal, on the other hand. I'd personally quit while you're ahead, tell him you are over without more details and go 'NC. He most likely won't take it further. Ok, you are angry, rightly so, but imo it's already gone too far. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolita888 Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 What if she told about it to his wife. And he managed to talk his way out of it. Wife gave him another chance but she will be more cautious of it - but him being a cheater that he is will just find another better way to find a new victim. It's nothing new that a BS forgave and choose to stay in their marriage with the WS. But this man is scary, who knows what else he may and capable of doing so. OR The wife decided to divorce him and leave him. But it's fine with him. He went on and find another more victims. Worst case scenario: He goes crazy and blamed her for his ruined marriage - because he felt that he got nothing to lose, he ended up doing something bad. Another thing: The wife knew of what he is doing and is okay with it. There are couples who are also partners in doing bad things. I've just read somewhere about this man whose wife wanted him to flirt and make girls fall for him because that's what's turn her on. Never mind about the girls who might fall for his husband and get hurt - it turns her on. To see them fall for him and hurt them later on by showing how he belongs to her. There are crazy couple like that. The OP doesn't know that man very well. He lied so much - scary enough that he even rented an apartment to complete his lie. He lied about everything about him. Just because he is a doctor and have a wife doesn't mean he is harmless. If she feel like telling his wife then go. If she can't then there's nothing wrong with it. Safety first. There are many OW who ended up telling the BW about their MM's infidelity - but that is because they are sure that their MM and BS cannot do them harm. But this one is on a different level. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Personally, I'd be more worried about him flipping a switch at figuring out how you found out about him. Lying to get women on the side is pretty distateful but it's not 'twilight zone' territory. That's how most people cheat. It's not dignified or morally sound but it's also not police worthy.What you did was illegal, on the other hand. I'd personally quit while you're ahead, tell him you are over without more details and go 'NC. He most likely won't take it further. Ok, you are angry, rightly so, but imo it's already gone too far. Good point. That realtor is a joke. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Why do you need to sound condescending? Why do you need to sound like a preacher? Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Yes you said that already. She's supposed to save the world from this predator because he did it to her so somehow that makes it her obligation as far as you're concerned. Just curious do you donate to charities, do the whole neighborhood watch thing, and always report suspicious activity to your local authorities? What if you see someone speeding or rolling through a stop sign, hey they could kill someone! Are you on the phone telling the cops you've got it all on video? A lot of times (I’m not talking about S2B here), those who preach tend to be very selective to their convenience. They may make a huge deal out of some minor issue, but would be completely fine for a much more significant one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 those who preach tend to be very selective to their convenience. They may make a huge deal out of some minor issue It's all about what's important to them. That guy on the wooden crate in the train station holding up a sign and warning us we are all going to Hell when Jesus returns was rather selective. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 By encouraging anyone to have a voice and speak their truth? A perpetrator is counting on the victim staying weak and silent. Hmmmm, sounds like someone is trying to squish/silence others maybe? I’ll never agree with silencing others no matter how much you want to bully me. Who is silencing whom, if I may ask? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 OP: Any updates? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pinknyc Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 I've been processing everything. Initially there was anger and shock, and now it's moved to sadness. It's been a long time since finding someone with shared interests, personality, professional and family background, and just a certain ease. And was/is in love with him. But from reading the other posts, I know no good can come from being with a MM. Since finding out, I have not responded to his communication, not even to say it's over, which is difficult for me. Just silence which is very unlike me. I like to give people an opportunity to explain themselves, but here, what could he possibly say that I could believe since there have been so many untruths? But what if, perhaps he's separated? I just feel deprived and cheated out of this relationship. We spent a considerable amount of time together and he was a large part of my day-to-day, so feeling the loss. And immense sadness right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 ut what if, perhaps he's separated? Common sense tells you he wouldn’t need to lie about who he is if he were separated. Listen, this is a married doc that has convinced his wife he is at the hospital for vast amounts of time and needs the apartment because he’s too tired from working so much to safely drive home. There are many like him, he’s not unique.. What is unusual is his fabrication of who he really is. He.is.pathological. Stay.away! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 And you’re okay with a man who can almost be your father? You’ll be stuck taking care of him before long. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 But what if, perhaps he's separated? It's the numerous lies, the profound deception that is the issue here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pinknyc Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 I know it's not rational. JuneL- based on his real age, he would only be 9 years older. Snipercatt- did some more research and the wife is also a doctor at the same hospital, and the apt is within walking distance of what seems to be his real address. There is much collective knowledge here, so I wonder, do other married men (who pretend to be single) engage in this many lies, i.e., first and last name, use another doctor's name in the same specialty to weave a different background life story, etc. Is it the extent of lies that is more indicative of something more sociopathic or some have referred to as predatory? Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Is it the extent of lies that is more indicative of something more sociopathic or some have referred to as predatory? We'll have to perform a lobotomy to get you a definitive answer on that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Yes, some married men go to crazy lengths not to get found out, especially those who have a reputation in the local community and a professional accreditation to think of. It's a lot more common than you think. Flat near house = convenience. His colleague may be providing him with his alibi for all you know. No one here can tell you about his actual state of mind. The point is that he lied to you. It's driving you to the point of doing shady stuff yourself. This is not a healthy path to take for you. It's not about taking the high road, or saving his wife or whatever else; at this point, it's about protecting your mental and emotional health. Stepping away from this mind**** is for your own good, OP. No closure or explanation needed. You already know what went down. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 OP: Do you have kids? How would you advise your daughter in such a situation? If you don’t have a daughter, how about your niece or any young woman close to you? You just love the idea of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Beware the insidious designs of the charismatic social predator. Social (and sexual) manipulators have had years of practice hiding their darker traits. Many such people share another dangerous feature: They are smart enough to pull off the disguise. I will use the term "social predator" here to refer to these most stealthy offenders, although the categories of offense can blur. Social predators can certainly engage in sexual misconduct; on the other hand, they may do nothing whatsoever that meets the legal standard for offense. The commonality is that they prey on victims' emotions or resources, either for their own gain or simply because they enjoy doing so. The above is taken from Psychology Today “. . . simply because they enjoy doing so.” 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah2 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Is it the extent of lies that is more indicative of something more sociopathic or some have referred to as predatory? he's probably neither a sociopath nor a predator - he lied because he wanted to present himself in a different light, knowing you'll refuse him in the beginning knowing he is a doctor - he lied about the other things because he didn't want u to find out he was married. people... lie. it does not make them sociopaths, predators - he was looking for a relationship so he lied in order to get more women in a dating pool. i believe he was going to tell u the truth later on, when the relationship has gotten serious. keep your head up and faith strong and keep looking. you'll find a good man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Why are we wasting our valuable time trying to formulate a medical diagnosis for some lying dude? As if it matters. As if there aren't gazillions more just like him on every dating site. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 I wonder if the younger doctor whose identity this sociopath has claimed can pursue legal action against the sociopath, if he ever finds out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts