o2t0bass Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 My girlfriend was sexually abused as a kid and it seems to be affecting our relationship. The better i treat her the less sex we have. When we first got together it was sex multiple times a day but it i was the one doing most of the act. She would always tell me about all this kinky stuff she likes but would never do it with me. We broke up and during that separation she had other partners that she would do all this stuff with. We eventually got back together and we never got to that level sexually. I thought it was because i wasnt putting all my effort at the beginning. When we got back together we had a good talk, "let go of the past" and moved on. I put all my effort and the more i did the less sex we had. Its been about a month since we have had sex and it seems less and less. She says i dont find her sexually attractive but thats not the case at all. Shes everything i want but for some reason she has this thought. Ive tried everything that i can think of, Communications, setting the mood, Massage, date nights, gifts, spending alone time together. The only thing i can think is her past but im not sure how to deall with it. I love this girl with everything but this is hard. Idk if this is the right section to post this in but it seemed like i would get some feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Her prior sex trauma effected her in ways she doesn't fully understand. You can't change this. She needs professional help. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 A lot of women who come from traumatic childhood are simply not sexually attracted to guys who are kind, loyal and stable. They get turned on by drama and instability so loyal faithful men are too boring. Your girlfriend enjoys the friendship and security you provide but when it comes to sex she's just not into you. It does seem that she enjoys tormenting you though, since she's all too happy to engage in kinky sex with other guys and then tell you about it. She needs more help than you can provide. Playing her therapist/shoulder to cry on/best friend isn't going to improve your sex life. When someone doesn't have the hots for you there is little you can do to change their feelings Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 Her problem with you comes from shame. She can meet strange men and act out on these sexual fantasies because she has nothing invested in that relationship and doesn't care about them, so she can distance herself from the act (like she did as a child.) In your case, she cares about you, but she feels shame because of what happened in her past and she does not know how to navigate those feelings when intimate with you. She needs to speak to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
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