rinalia Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 I met him on a dating site. We're both Armenian and traditional, he was 33 years old at the time. He told me from day one he was looking to get married and settle down. He knew I was a virgin and waiting till marriage. During our 2 month relationship knowing I was a virgin he still suggested physical stuff although not sex, such as oral, sent a dick pic, touching me down there, saying don't wear panties when we go out just for the sake of it. Although he never tried to sleep with me and he was actually looking for a virgin. But knowing all this it's not normal right for a marriage-minded guy to say these things. We fought a lot and he always made up with me and even cried once during the frustration when I was breaking up with him, another time from all the fights I said then if we can't solve the issue any way we break up? he looked into my eyes and said probably. And quickly got out of his car to hug me or say bye as I got out but i walked away and he quickly called me and said how can you love someone yet so easily walk away, then he said how he hates fighting with me (although he has a fighting personality) and always talked about family and how he expect his wife( me) to be in the home etcfrom day one. Showed all serious signs such as constantly texting, BUt since he always chased after me after I broke up/fought with him until he didnt anymore, has me questioning was it not real to begin with? IF the physical aspects didn't occur i wouldn't question it because all other signs were there that it was serious so am I right to doubt it now? This past time I tried going back i asked if he'd closed our chapter he said yes, and that i didn't value him or his family which makes you think its serious topics but this too can just be words no? He also said how i'm the one head over heels for him now I asked if he wasn't for me? he said at one point in time i was a long time ago, but for the longest time i haven't been. Could he be lying about ever being head over heels for me? Although i did feel this during the relationship that he was. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 OP, you keep posting this under different names. You're not likely to get different responses. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rinalia Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 OP, you keep posting this under different names. You're not likely to get different responses. It keeps getting closed. I didn't get to ask about that physical aspect. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 It keeps getting closed. I didn't get to ask about that physical aspect. That's because you keep creating new accounts under different usernames, which is prohibited. If you stick to your original thread, and added details there, you would be able to continue the conversation with your threads getting shut down. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rinalia Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 That's because you keep creating new accounts under different usernames, which is prohibited. If you stick to your original thread, and added details there, you would be able to continue the conversation with your threads getting shut down. I did stick to it and came to ask this and saw it was closed. Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Not sure what you are trying to ask that is any different from what you have already asked and gotten responses for. He has already told you that yes, he has closed the chapter on the relationship. You should move on too. There is no point obsessing over whether he was or wasn't ever "head over heels" in love with you. People change their minds all the time, and he has decided not to continue the relationship regardless. Stop torturing yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rinalia Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 Not sure what you are trying to ask that is any different from what you have already asked and gotten responses for. He has already told you that yes, he has closed the chapter on the relationship. You should move on too. There is no point obsessing over whether he was or wasn't ever "head over heels" in love with you. People change their minds all the time, and he has decided not to continue the relationship regardless. Stop torturing yourself. My q's was that a marriage-minded person wouldn't have suggested and done those physical things? Made me think he was with me to just have fun even without sex Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Some people want a test drive before they marry. While there is something to be said in some cultures about waiting until marriage to have sex, most people think it's better to have sex before marriage because that way you don't get stuck being married to somebody who is bad in bed & Condemn yourself to a lifetime of unfulfilling sex. So yes, some marriage minded people would have made the physical moves. Even if the man you were interested in would have respected your virginity, he may have been gauging your overall level of sexual interest & responsiveness. If he found you to be a cold fish put off by the idea of physical intimacy, while he may have been willing to wait until marriage for the right woman, he may have concluded that you were not that person. Granted mine is a western view & I didn't wait until marriage but anybody who has preserved her virtue as long as you have -- into your 30s thereby throwing away your prime sexual years, probably isn't going to be an adventurous tigress in bed. That is OK but it's not for everybody. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 You're not providing any new information, so our answers will still be the same as all the responses you've had on your previous posts. Are we giving answers which you don't agree with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rinalia Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 You're not providing any new information, so our answers will still be the same as all the responses you've had on your previous posts. Are we giving answers which you don't agree with? SO you don't find the fact that the made those physical moves to indicate he wasn't "head over heels" and serious? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 SO you don't find the fact that the made those physical moves to indicate he wasn't "head over heels" and serious? A physical move is OK, kissing, some heavy petting etc would have been fine. The "moves" he made land him squarely in the creep / only interested in one thing category. What kind of a man tells a 30 year old virgin not to wear panties? Oh for pete's sake -- that is way beyond what you were ready for & he was a disrespectable clod for asking. No he was not head over heals serious with you although he was probably hoping to take your V card. Despite what he said, he was not about to wait for marriage & the only reason he cared that you were a virgin is so he could get there first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rinalia Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 A physical move is OK, kissing, some heavy petting etc would have been fine. The "moves" he made land him squarely in the creep / only interested in one thing category. What kind of a man tells a 30 year old virgin not to wear panties? Oh for pete's sake -- that is way beyond what you were ready for & he was a disrespectable clod for asking. No he was not head over heals serious with you although he was probably hoping to take your V card. Despite what he said, he was not about to wait for marriage & the only reason he cared that you were a virgin is so he could get there first. Well he was serious always texting me, talking about family always, never convincing me or asking me when we'd have sex. He said he wouldn't pressure me in any way and if it needs to happen after marriage then that's what'll be. He didn't try to sleep with me. Like i said he cried for me, tried to make up etc. So there's no way he could've been serious and said those things? I was 26 not 30 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 he was LYING. he was telling you what you wanted to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rinalia Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 he was LYING. he was telling you what you wanted to hear. This is so hard for me to believe because I felt differently with him. He was seriously looking for marriage and he asked me to go to church every Sunday because he was deacon there. He also was concerned that I didn't dress openly, let him know before i left the house, always texting me, stayed on the phone with me when I sick all night. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Rinalia, you were with him for only two months! No sensible person should be serious this early in. This is the period where you get to know each other - deciding whether or not to be serious comes after this stage. Why are you so hung up on this guy? Two months should barely be a blip in your radar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rinalia Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 Rinalia, you were with him for only two months! No sensible person should be serious this early in. This is the period where you get to know each other - deciding whether or not to be serious comes after this stage. Why are you so hung up on this guy? Two months should barely be a blip in your radar. Well because he was on the site looking for marriage and he said this from the moment we talked and asked about my future plans and if I was ready to get married so everything was in that direction. Because although it lasted two months it was a whirlwind and very intense and seemed like a whole year. Also because I"m very picky and I let someone in and can't imagine that I was an idiot to not realize he was genuine which is why i'm asking and trying to understand. I can't believe someone who was chasing me like that, cried for me, stayed on phone all night for me. Trust me it seemed SO much longer than 2 months. He invited me as his gf to physicians dinner as his date which was our 3rd date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 I guess from this, just learn to slow it down. Do not trust someone who "love bombs" you. They may be unstable, for starters. Secondly, could be just playing you. I don't know what his deal was, but what I do know is you didn't really know him long enough to trust him. That's the take-away. Sorry it happened to you. I can see if he was a deacon, you might have assumed his ethics were good, but again, they might not be, plus he could just have some mental/behavioral issues himself. Better luck next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rinalia Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 I guess from this, just learn to slow it down. Do not trust someone who "love bombs" you. They may be unstable, for starters. Secondly, could be just playing you. I don't know what his deal was, but what I do know is you didn't really know him long enough to trust him. That's the take-away. Sorry it happened to you. I can see if he was a deacon, you might have assumed his ethics were good, but again, they might not be, plus he could just have some mental/behavioral issues himself. Better luck next time. So definitely wasn't marriage-minded? Link to post Share on other sites
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